Youth meeting point

This blog has become a real youth meeting point.

Have you realized it?

When I talk of youth I am not only talking of those who are young in  age. I am looking at the state of the mind. This blog is for young people in age and young people in mind (people who are old but their minds are still very active and they are still ready to offer their best to the world).

If there is any youth who is not aware of this platform for world youth, kindly send them word that they should hurry and join the fold.

Let me ask you three questions:

1. What do you think of those people who are so concerned about pleasing others? They do things not because they are right but to please others. They won’t do the right thing if they know it will hurt or displease somebody.

2. What do you say to those people who cannot say “No”? In their hearts they say “no”, but they cannot say it out.

3. What do you say about those people who become so worried when they are criticized? Here I am talking of those people who become so bitter that they complain and complain just because someone has criticized them.

 

14 thoughts on “Youth meeting point

  1. All 3, for me, were about being perfect, because I thought (in the dark depths of my mind) that perfection, unattainable as it is, would protect me from rejection, on the one hand, and make me likable on the other.
    NO!
    All it achieved was a nervous wreck that had no idea who she was!
    I was totally dumbstruck when I came upon a source that told me I was caring too much! http://thepatternsystem.wikispaces.com/Care+Dimension but it was 200% correct! There is a point when caring (and many other states) become unhealthy.

    Three very critical questions!

  2. This is so intriguing! 🙂 I am not sure if those three questions are solely meant to be thought over in our heads or if you were looking for written answers from the readers! This topic is very dear to my heart as that used to be me in a nutshell and it took a major shift in my life for things to begin to change. I am very eager to share some thoughts in case anyone who can relate to those questions happen to scroll down here to the comments section! 🙂

    Up until a couple of years ago I wanted nothing more than to make others happy. Or, at least, that’s what I told myself, but reality was quite different. I wanted to make people smile, yes. I love people and I love to see them happy, but something that exceeded my will to take part in someone’s joy was my fear of making someone disappointed as well as being rejected or abandoned. I wanted people to like me and instead of delving deeper into everything that made my brain tick whether it be strengths or weaknesses, I continuously tried to convince myself that I was a nice person who simply wanted to make others happy and that the pain that came with being a doormat was just a price to be paid. The biggest problem here is that I spent a significant amount of time seeking happiness in others rather than within myself. Subconsciously, I assumed that if I pleased everyone and agreed with their every word and even went so far as to ignore my every need for the sake of theirs, then they would be happy and they would like me, thus bringing me happiness. If only I could go back in time and tell myself that I couldn’t have been more wrong…

    1. I think I covered most of #1 in the above paragraph, but I think it all boils down to one, two, or three of several different factors whether it be fear of rejection, fear of being lonely (strongly tied in with fear of rejection), fear of disappointing or angering others, fear of seeming and/or feeling inadequate, etc. All of these and any other factors associated with the desire to please others are intermeshed and boil down to a few different things including low self-esteem and low (or lack of) self-respect. Everyone is different, but that was the case for me, and the two, especially combined, can have a crippling effect. It’s like finding oneself in the depths of a chasm and needing nothing less than a rocket to propel oneself out. Many times it takes a significant event or experience to force start the transformative shift – An experience so painful and so wrong that you finally begin to question your worth, one that finally makes you scream out, “I’M DONE!” followed by weeks or months of reflecting, looking only to yourself for answers rather than to others. The end product was self-respect and a subsequent boost in self-esteem and after that it felt like everything else began to fall into place. It takes time, but once you begin to realize your worth and dare to put your foot down and set boundaries, you quickly realize who your real friends are and who simply stuck around because you were nice and easily taken advantage of. Furthermore, you slowly begin to surround yourself with those who lift you up – people who inspire you, who motivate you, and who awaken a firey passion in your heart. The wonderful thing though is that when you begin to accept yourself and find happiness within yourself, you begin to see the words “alone” and “lonely” as two separate entities. Alone time, or “me time” becomes a valuable time when you finally begin to listen to the thoughts in your own head and you set out on a voyage to learn who you really are. Not who you thought you were all these years, but who you really are. And you begin to understand that you are valuable and that you do not need approval for it to be true. Therefore, you learn that you do not need people; instead, the people who inspire you add something special, like a spark so to speak – they compliment you and you compliment them, and over time you lift each other higher and higher and reinforce something that you already understand to be true – that you can accomplish anything you put your mind to.

    2. To you who say “no” in your hearts, but cannot say “no” out loud, I say (and this is something that takes courage, but I KNOW that you are courageous and I KNOW that you are more than capable of anything, so I encourage you to give this a try, just once, and see how it helps you believe in yourself again, even just a little bit for starters): Listen to the voice that tells you that something is not right – the voice inside of you that is telling you no, because it is looking after you and has your well-being at heart. Say no, and please remember that anyone who is worth keeping around will understand as long as the no is expressed in a respectful manner. Some people enter our lives as true friends while others’ intentions aren’t as genuine, especially if we spend much of our time trying to please others. Put your foot down and those who have your best interest at heart will understand. The experience of finding out who our true friends are and who aren’t can be trying and disappointing at times, but knowing that those who surround us truly have our best interest at heart, just like we do their’s, is integral to our well-being. It is tough and it takes courage, but it pays off times a million at the end and you will be so thankful and so proud of yourself that you did it.

    3. As for those who worry about being criticized, I will repeat something I wrote in the answer to #1: “You are valuable and you do not need approval for it to be true.” The same can be said of criticism: Someone’s disapproval does not lessen your value. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion though and constructive criticism can be a positive thing as having a second pair of eyes only helps us develop as people, as long as we take it all with a grain of salt. However, if someone becomes a critic for the sole purpose of being rude, disrespectful, or mean, then ask yourself this: Do you even want to associate yourself with that person? Do you want to spend any part of your life on what they said if they are just trying to hurt you? It would be a precious second, minute, day, week, or month that you can never get back. Surround yourself with people who inspire you and lift you up. Does it mean that they have to approve of everything you do? No, not at all, but they will support you and if they ever come forth with criticism it will NOT be to hurt you; they will have good intentions and will come at you with criticism for the sole purpose of helping you develop as a person. Leave everyone who criticizes you to hurt you or to be rude or disrespectful behind. Who cares? You won’t be associating yourself with them anyway so just let them think what they want.

    Everyone, remember you are strong and that you are so valuable and so incredible. If you ever feel inadequate, please remember that the chance of you existing, as you, today, is one in 400 trillion. 400 TRILLION!!! You are so special and anyone who makes you question your worth does not deserve any of your time. Find the happiness that you are so deserving of and shine a bright light for others to follow.

    • Thank you a million times for this rich and powerful comment. I very highly recommend it to all the community of this site. There are so many things to take home especially at the end. I do appreciate the time taken and seriousness with which you have handled the subject. You have answered all three questions seriously. There can be no doubt in my mind that many will read and benefit from your thoughts. May you continue to shine and share your wisdom with others for a more loving and happy world!

      • Thank you very much for the kind words! I pray that this may help guide someone who does not fathom how precious they are. Thank you for another amazing post that helps inspire, I am so glad that I came across your blog, I look forward to more! 🙂

  3. I am glad that you clarified the ‘youth’ statement because I am one of the old ones. As for your questions today. I will put 1 and 2 together. I was a people pleaser and hardly ever said ‘no.’ Nobody taught me to behave like that, but it was a protective mechanism that helped me to survive my younger years. I didn’t want to make waves or I would have ‘hell’ to pay. I no longer have to be afraid and have learned to speak my own mind. Number 3 I think comes from another place. Maybe from a place of too much indulgence, or entitlement.

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