Today I….

Today I did not want to go

But I went anyway

I cried, but was not embarrassed

I wiped away the tears

I visited with two of my best friends

two of my daughters

I visited with my grandson

I did not want to enjoy the scenery

but I loved it

I did not want to smell the sweet and wonderful

fragrance of the flowers but I inhaled them with delight

I floated in the pool with my daughters

listening to them talk about the young minds

that they are in love with

they are teachers

their voices floated around me and I did

not mind that they were not speaking

with me

exactly

I enjoyed their voices

rising and flowing in my

mind and heart

I enjoyed my future son in law

although he is quiet

We watched a  farmer begin to harvest

his hay

I gave him advice unsolicited about

proper etiquette for a groom

and gave him ideas to placate his mother

who thinks she is losing him to another

woman

which she is, but just a shuffling really

not really losing

I wanted to cry my eyes out

and holler at the sunny sky and the balmy breeze

I wanted to sink to the bottom of the pool in

my grief and not come up for air

instead I towed my grandson around

and drank water to stay hydrated

I pretended that all was well

and for a short time this afternoon

it

was

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