Do you know why your marriage failed?

The title of this post implies that it is not for everybody only for those whose marriages have failed. Of course, if your marriage is waxing strong or you are not married it will still be necessary for you to read it. It could help when dark moments of your marriage come up.

To go straight to the point, if your marriage has failed, it is not your fault. It is not the fault of your spouse either. Let no one put the blame on your door steps or the door steps of your spouse.

I know that when a marriage fails people rush to apportion blame. While some put the blame on the woman, others put it on the man. It all depends on which angle the individual is looking at it from.

I do apportion blame too for all the failed marriages; but my blame goes neither to the man nor to the woman. I know your mind may now be going to the parents of the man or woman. That is not it with me.

My blame goes to the entire society. We have not put in place enough opportunities for young people to get ready for marriage before they get into it. We have not provided for enough training on how to know someone can live happily with us to the end before we marry the person. We have not provided for young people to be equipped with sufficient tools for success in marriage.

Schools do not lay enough emphasis on marriage which is most important to every young person who wishes to form a family and live happily with it. What is the exam that is set on marriage and which certificate is given? We spend years teaching people math, English, history. They are important but which is more important speaking good English or succeeding in marriage? Or knowing the history of Greece?

We collectively create a society that is doomed to have problems and we turn around and apportion blame here and there for the problems that we face. I challenge all of us to fight for marriage to be a subject in all schools in the world. Or if you think it shouldn’t, tell me why it shouldn’t.

To those whose marriages have failed, I repeat, you are not to blame. You are not bad as your spouse may think or as those around you may think. You just did not have the tools to make that marriage succeed; and it was not your fault. You were not given those tools. That was not your fault. That was not the fault of your parents. That was the fault of the school system.

Hence, I see it as a collective fault of the society, not just educationists, but the whole society because over the centuries it has not been corrected. Let us correct it now and stop making people suffer in their marital homes and breaking up families and destroying the society.

I am open to different views. These are my views.


11 thoughts on “Do you know why your marriage failed?

  1. Interesting. It really isn’t part of any curriculum and we are not taught to think like we build our education towards a certain career to let people enter into our lives that work with it well. Perhaps that would help.
    There is a part of religion that teaches us how to lead life on a daily basis and manage our relationships. Lessons we need. But as we drift away from that as a society, we lose the curriculum that could really help us live better lives.

  2. My husband and I have been married to one another 3 times. He is My only husband. For our marriage failures of #1 & #2, we both were to blame. A marriage takes two people working together to make it work and for us God needed to be and is first. The previous times, God wasn’t in the equation.
    I definitely agree there should be some type of marriage course. Life is hard enough single then you bring two different views into the equation. Just my two cents.

  3. Thank you. For years I felt I failed because of the failure of my marriage. To hear that the tools to make it work were not taught to me makes total sense. I was raised by a divorced mother and my father would be there to see me but I lived with the hope of him returning. That was not an example and they certainly couldn’t teach me what I needed to know. Thank you again for this. You’ve brought me peace.

  4. You are right. My suggestion is a subject titled ‘Everyday psychology’ should be included in the curriculum. Preparation for marriage should be a part of it.

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