Life Is Bland

It’s been about 12 weeks since the accident. Still not walking, occasional pain (mainly after the physical therapist leaves) and I haven’t learned to function in a wheelchair effectively.

What have I been doing? A whole lotta nothing.

Perhaps that is why I feel so bland? The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says:

The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison.

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 66

I have definitely been a grouch lately. I wonder if “brainstorm,” back in the ’30s, had a different meaning? Today, we use the word as a creative exercise to generate ideas. It’s generally considered to be a good, healthy thing to do, and for writers and artists, it is essential for life. So I’m thinking, How could the brainstorm not be for me?

The key may be in the sentence preceding this. “If we were to live, we had to be free of anger.”

When I look at it in that context, I am reminded of those whirling thoughts, like great thunder clouds and flashes of lightening, that consume me when I am raging. Ah, in that case, The ‘storm in the brain’ is definitely not for me.

I only know one solution to still that boiling-over brain: connecting to Spirit. Perhaps that is why I write this blog. When I slow myself down enough, feel my finger tips tapping on the keys, I am reminded to breathe and relax.  As I search myself for what’s gong on, I find the answers to share with you.

I think another part of my problem is that I’m just getting bored. I have all these things I want to do, but not walking makes them difficult. My life is not structured to accommodate immobility. Hmmmm. You know what I tell my son? Focus on what you can do rather than what you can’t. Sometimes I hate my own good advice.

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