Meditation: My Refuge

My house is a bit less than serene. I have a son who has some issues and frequently explodes in outbursts. Typically, I react in kind, and the argument escalates. I often have a sore throat after from yelling. I do not like when I act that way.

Last night, I tried something different. When he was yelling and swearing, I went into my room, sat on the edge of my bed, closed my eyes, and meditated. Nothing fancy, just following my breath.

A warm glow came steadily from my core to envelope me in a peaceful bliss. My son came in and asked what I was doing. “Nothing,” was my reply.

Truly, I was doing absolutely nothing, and relishing the act of simply being. In and out my breaths. I focused on just sitting there, eyes closed, not acting or reacting.  Even when he was yelling at me, calling me names, I just sat there, eyes closed, breathing in and out.

It felt like a glass bubble formed around me. My son was looking to engage with me, and these hateful expressions were designed to get my attention. The more I focused inward, the more it was like his words and insults just slid around me. He had nothing to engage with. I had an almost 3rd-party experience watching him spew hateful words while I sat, perfectly calm and still. I was like a mirror, allowing him to see what he was doing, and that it really had nothing to do with me.

My inaction seemed to infuriate him, yet I stayed in that quiet place. By having nothing to engage with, no one to fight, he ran out of steam rather quickly. I found my meditation to be very much like a refuge. A refuge from his rage. (I will say, he was not a physical threat, but simply verbal. Don’t do this if you are potentially in harms way with an abuser.)

I hope I can remember this. More importantly, I hope I make an effort to meditate regularly. By meditating, a deep part of the brain is ‘activated,’ which leads to a stronger sense of calm even when I’m not meditating. In my meditation, a mantra formed. “All” with the in-breath, “One” with the out-breath.

I realized that I changed the world. See, I am part of the world. If I consciously switch from being angry to being calm, I change, and because my consciousness is part of the whole, a part of the whole is changed. Be the change you wish to see and the change you wish to see becomes real. Namaste.

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