Does the institution of marriage give the husband right to have forced sex ?

Priya and Ajay recently celebrated 21 years of their marriage; to the society – theirs was 2 States type perfect example of a successful love marriage between a South-Indian Girl and a North-Indian Boy. However, behind the closed doors of their home was a different story altogether.

Priya always performed the duties of a good daughter-in-law, housewife and a mother; she was and is a very good daughter to her parents too.

Ajay – a habitual drinker as also a chain smoker. Being unemployed for many years; tried his hands in business, incurred huge losses. All this time Priya was running the family and also financing his business. Slowly it took a toll on her health and she started avoiding physical relations with Ajay.

It had anyways always been “marital rape” for her. The base of their wedding itself was rape. She would have easily married someone else as per her parents’ wishes. Whenever they had any physical relation, Priya would behave like a robot showing no emotions or feelings. And he used to complain that why don’t you enjoy? Priya would reply, “it is Not Love, only Lust,”and Ajay used to always tease her, “when you cannot Avoid Rape, you must Enjoy it.”

Slowly they started to get distanced from each other. Priya was in mental trauma. She started to hate sex, and felt that all males are demanding and don’t have any soft corner. So just for the sake of society, Priya and Ajay pretended to be wife and husband.

Once he was so demanding that she almost gave up and was ready for divorce. He used to physically abuse her and there were numerous wounds and scars on Priya’s body. He went to a lawyer to make the preparations for divorce but the lawyer was sensible and advised him against it saying that he and his family would be in trouble if Priya went to court and stood against them. From that day he never threatened divorce.

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Priya had a complicated delivery undergoing artificial IVF test tube type pregnancy after many years of marriage and lot of medical tests and trials when she finally gave birth to a daughter.

Priya was a working mother – she used to leave her 2 month old baby with babysitters at a creche and struggled hard but still managed home and office. Her in laws were not ready to come and take care of the baby just because it was a daughter. The in laws wanted a son who will be their future heir and they started following-up with her to try for a son by ill-treating and abusing her over tele-conversations and thru letters. They were ready to forsake anything for a grandson.

Later on, when they realized that Priya was the sole bread-winner of the family and their son was dependent on her money; the in laws felt guilty and stopped speaking to her. Now, she is being blamed that she doesn’t provide emotional support to Ajay.

Why cannot a husband take “NO” as an answer to his sexual advances?

For the simple reason that he is a male and the husband – does it give him the right to demand sex from his wife anytime anywhere, Priya wonders?

She now wants her teenage daughter to grow up strong in today’s world ; she wants to give her all happiness, love and care that she missed in her youth. “I want her to see her beauty without a compliment or a mirror; have the courage to stand up for others and have the ability to say “NO” to anything in her life that doesn’t bring her happiness.”

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