I’m Just Tired

People do, you know
Get tired
If they’ve run a long race

Even if they know
There are longer and
Harder races out there
Everywhere
They get tired

They’re supposed to admit it
Before getting back up
To race some more

Well, I’m tired

I’m tired of the perpetual sounds of
Cars, boomboxes, sirens, trains, bells, police speakers, next door neighbor’s rooster at 4 am and hysterical dog all afternoon long and power hobby backyard tools 8 to 8
As well as the sounds of domestic abuse coming from the other neighbor which commence about then

I’m tired of giving my all and nothing but my all all the time and being seen treated as though I give nothing and less than nothing

I’m tired of the sanctimonious, self-congratulatory, self-righteous disrespect and despisal meted out by she who clothes them to others of our mutual acquaintance in elaborate pity-and-admiration-generating overconcern about “deteriorations” which I am not experiencing and do not display

I’m tired of the extreme concern those same people show afterward over my use of the stove just for instance

Tired of returning well meaning soothing blandness to both of the above and being seen as a sap for it

Tired of jumping with a smile every time things seem to be getting better

Tired of finding out I’ve been reeled in again

I’m tired of having to take everything I wish still to own on my return with me into the streets every time I leave my place of residence because it can’t be locked

I’m tired of strangers despising me for that

Tired of the jealousy of those who can’t see what I have to do because I still make it look damn good and it worries them

I’m tired of not having anything to lean my very compromised back on

Tired of not even having enough money most of the time to buy something to drink on hours’ long errand runs by bus and on foot

I’m tired of working cold

I’m tired of fighting pain, anorexia, pain, insomnia, pain, weakness, pain, fatigue, depression, pain, despair and pain

Tired of fighting labels like imaginary,exaggerated, cowardly, ungrateful, delusional and paranoid

Tired of paying any price to stay out of people’s way only to be in the way

Tired of the so simple but so inconvenient special needs of poetic composition

Tired of not being able to give gifts and do favors

I’m tired of this gas station smelling air I’m breathing

I’m tired of my heart hurting

I’m tired of being afraid

I’m tired of not complaining not complaining not complaining and then having my communications called complaints

THIS is a complaint

Thank you for reading it

And I do apologize for the need to vent

I hope you understand

Now I will return to working to the best of my ability in behalf of us all

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3 thoughts on “I’m Just Tired

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