Is it okay to finally feel secure?

I have some slight downtime today from work and school and actually have time to write. Same old story – school is busy, work is busier, but overall life is really good.

Things have shifted with new/old guy and me, for the better. The time we spend together never gets stale, he has become a true partner in my life. It is so very good, so real, and authentic. We have always had a pretty unique connection and it is growing more deeper by the day. We hit it off from the first time we met in August 2016. We had incredible sex the first time we met each other (not many people know that about us) and it has not diminished one bit since then. We never had an awkward I need to get to know you first phase, physically or conversationally. Our physical and intellectual attraction is off the charts. What was always lacking, at least for him, was an emotional connection. He was never there 100% with me. He was terrified to take that leap because of his past relationships but he couldn’t let me go either. But now it is there, more than ever. I always believed that if he just opened up, allowed himself to love and be loved, he would have the greatest relationship of his life. And he finally realizes it.

Given our past history I am still hesitant to feel completely secure that he won’t change his mind but the more time we spend together the more that feeling is diminishing. He has given me no reason this time to not believe his words and his actions completely align with his words too. He is protective, caring, thoughtful, silly, serious and for the fitst time, really open. He has never been the overly romantic type (not my style) but he lets me know, more than ever now, that he wants a future, with me.

Those damn pesky past ghosts always seem to haunt me and at times still drive me to overthink, but I am allowing myself to believe that I am exactly where I want to be and with whom I want to be with.

He is unlike anyone I have ever known. I’ve never been one to keep lists of what I want in a partner but if I did he would check off every category. I am not perfect, he is not perfect, we have imperfect pasts but right now our present and our future is perfect, at least for us, and that is all that matters.

If you are going through a tough time in a relationship or experiencing heartbreak or even just fed up with the dating scene I promise you it will get better. If you read my blog you know how much heartbreak I have been through that sometimes I felt like I was doomed to fail at love, continually. But maybe, just maybe, all this pain prepared me for the happiness I feel right now, both in myself and my relationship. Many times I wanted to give up but looking back I am so happy that I didn’t. Life is good, and I know all too well it could change in a heartbeat, but I’ll be damned if I ever let it break me. It’s tried and almost won, but I know I will always be just a little stronger when I need to be.

Wishing everyone a great weekend, xo.