Fearful Noise

Why can’t I stop these noises in my head?  William asked himself. He was not searching for an answer; he knew the answer. For years his mind had been plagued by constant pain from his body. Every part of his body always hurt, from his head to his toes. He never “looked sick,” but inside there was a demon that refused to leave his body and always haunted him. This dark specter seemed to take a deeper hold anytime there was a crisis in his life.

William had tried to pray himself free of the terror living inside his body. He knew what was attacking him was not a literal demon, but a biological mutation that caused his own body’s defenses to turn on him.  His mind was in a constant battle with his body, and neither side would merely surrender. No matter how much he tried, there was no amount of praying or fasting that could free William from his hell on earth.

When death came calling to William’s family, he came with greedy intentions, but those intentions were not for William. It was only by God’s grace that William’s wife had been able to withstand death’s onslaught. Unfortunately, his father was not so lucky against the grim reaper’s attack. Even so, William had been successful in pulling himself and his family through the tragedy, but he did not come out unscathed.

“You broke your brain.” That’s how the doctor described it to William. He went on to say it was much like tearing a muscle. Through his efforts, William had pushed himself beyond the breaking point in his battle against death’s attack. While he did not falter, his mind would never be the same. Just like his original disease, the doctors attempted to solve the issues with medication. They had hoped to find a way to balance the chemicals in William’s brain, but their valiant efforts only took him so far.

Moments of terror and anxiety would appear from nowhere. Evil apparitions riding waves of unbalanced chemicals inside his mind poked and prodded every terror they could find within his psyche. They visited often and successfully stole William’s peace and joy.

Today, they had arrived again, like a torrent of rain against a metal roof, their noise rattled through every part of his mind. Every fear, every failure, and every terror just seemed to speak to him at once. Much like his own body’s immune system, his mind had turned on him, and today it had set about to spread panic and fear through every fiber of William’s being.

So, William sat in the silence. The large brown wooden deck at the side of the mountain house creaked under his rocking chair as he overlooked the mountains before him. The calm and peace he ached for began to come into view. The hilltops of the mountains rose above the sleepy valley below. The blue ridge rested against the rising sun and reminded William that God was still in control. After all, thought William, If the sun rises another day there must be hope. In the silence, he prayed against the noise in his head. William could feel his steady heart beating, and he heard God remind him that he was not abandoned by his Creator.

The world slowly came back into a balanced view, and the fearful noise within his mind faded into the background. William now saw a new day of hope and a new day of grace before him, and he knew he would be okay. Whatever was torturing his soul would only be there a short time and would not be allowed to stay. As William sat there in the peace of his promise, looked towards the hills and asked, “What are we doing today, God?”


 

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