Getting past the grief

I’m still trying to get past the grief of losing my husband, and the physical overcomes me.  After falling 10-12 times in May, I find myself in a live in physical therapy facility with having had a concussion, a fractured humorous in 2 places, and stitches above my eye with a beautiful black eye which runs into my side hair-line.

I shouldn’t complain too much about it, but they won’t let me go home at this time. I’ve been told there are several issues or reasons I can’t go home and they are; there is a memory problem, I can’t be trusted not to fall down again, and I am not able to write a check because I forgot how to write one. These are the reasons I’ve been told why I can’t go home, because they say I am not able to live by myself.

What would you do if you found yourself in the same situation? First of all I will never again say I forgot while I am in here. I took a plain check size piece of paper, wrote each line – date, amount with dollar sign, pay to the order of, memo, and signature; then I filled it in. I then took that check and put it on the social services desk with a note saying that this was one excuse that she could no longer use.

This morning I told the nurse that I would like the doctor to end my treatment of Percocet and put me on 800 mg of ibuprofen instead.  I don’t know where they got the notion that I use Hydrocodone at home and I use it all the time. Then I go and ask for more.

At the hospital upon discharge to here, I was told very different things then what they are telling me upon admission to this rehabilitation unit. There are no things that can’t be attributed to the care of my husband at home; he was taken away from me and then his being admitted to here.  Then I watched him become sicker and sicker until he died a painful death. This was not figured into this equation. How quickly they put up the reasons for me not to go home, but quicker they forgot the pain that I have been through since my last goodbye I said to my husband.

That last goodbye took place in this room that I am in. When I came to see him, I found him, a cold skeleton with his head bent back and eyes open. No one was aware of his death. I put his head in the normal position, closed his eyes, and kissed him for the last time. Then I went to find the nurse to let her know that he had died. After that some friends came to pick me up and I went home to a cold house and the knowledge he would never come home again.

Of course these things could never have affected my memory, nor could the concussion I suffered because of the last two falls I took at home. One split my forehead just over my eye needing nine stitches and fractured my humorous. Then I had the gall of falling backward on the cement because I couldn’t steer my four-wheeled walker with one arm in a sling. This was the unfortunate fall that put me in the hospital. This is the one that confused my memory further. The doctors in the hospital told me that I was falling down because of a low amount of vitamin B-12. They pumped me full of that vitamin plus some others. I also receive the same here.

I’ve been here in this live-in therapy place for two weeks now. I can now walk without a cane; I can balance myself and am retraining myself to walk a straight line with one foot in front of the other. I refuse to say anything to the effect of I don’t remember or I got confused.

I will go home, and not to a place of assistance because I am able to care for myself.  I am trying to go beyond what physical therapy expects of me, and I am. So each exercise if they say do ten, I do fifteen. There is no reason to not let me go home.

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6 thoughts on “Getting past the grief

  1. I have similar grief to absorb and deal with, and I know how it can interfere with concentration on what is happening now. I do not envy your pain.

    My wife is a nurse at a rehab facility. Everyone thinks they are ready to go home before it is true. My mother came back from rehab for a leg surgery too soon. Stubborn woman who does not want care. She fell again, causing more injuries and more time in rehab.

    You do not know how often people are discharged before they can handle being on their own. I encourage you to listen to your doctors and therapists, and be honest with them about pain, sadness, and whatever else they ask. It will be the information you withhold that will bring you back to the hospital. Be good to yourself, regardless of how depressed you might feel.

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    1. Thank you for your comment. I am inpatient and want to go home. Others too have told me to wait until they discharge me. All my friends urge me to wait, so I guess that I’ll wait. I appreciate your input and your aunts experience helped.

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  2. keep up the good work.

    the last place you or anyone wants to be is in a place like that.

    my mother-in-law was in a similar place once – all they did was keep giving her pills so that she was totally disoriented all the time and then had the audacity to say she would never be able to leave that facility because of the memory loss and her inability to care for herself – situations that the care facility had created!!!!!!

    stay strong – you can do this.

    you’re on my prayer candles!!!!!

    blessings {{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}} 🙂

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  3. If you didn’t get my comment on your re-blogging my post, I thank you for doing that. The comments about your mother-in-law were sad. They think that you don’t know that you can take care of yourself. I am going to my own home tomorrow, and I can hardly contain myself until then. I’ve been packed for 2 days.

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