Lately, have you caught yourself having expectations from others whenever a plan or appointment has been made? Did it turn out the way you wanted it? Are you disappointed with people because they don’t do what they say? Do you secretly expect others to react or reply to anything that you do with an understanding? I used to, a lot.
When I had expectations, I had pre-fixed thoughts of how things should be which I was attached to. These expectations created fear. Fear of what I thought what I desired as an outcome may or may not happen. Believe me, if I say that fear, doubt and worry are really the last things you want to experience in the process of manifesting desires.
That is why the best way to create what you want is through detachment of an outcome. I know it’s hard to have no expectations, but it will get easier with time.
“When you release expectations, you are free to enjoy things for what they are instead of what you think they should be.” – Mandy Hale
Do What You Meant To Do
Nowadays, I focus on what I need to do without having expectations of others. You might want to give it a try as well because when you base your actions on reason, you have done what you were meant to do regardless of what the outcome may be. Therefore, you tend to not judge the rightness of anyone besides your own by the result that you get.
However, do take in mind that even when plans and ideas work out, many things could still make it appear as if it is not. Become aware of this because it is your expectation of how things “should happen” that makes you think that things are not working out. And the truth is, you are not seeing the whole picture because what you are seeing is only a piece of the larger arrangement of events where everything is really working out the way it should. Simple things become complicated when you expect too much.
For example, your date didn’t go exactly as planned but he or she did have one hell of a blast with you, or the birthday cake was not in the right colour but it sure was damn tasty. What I’m trying to say is, don’t let those small issues ruin the complete experience. Look at the bigger picture. Focus on what you can do, instead of complaining what you can’t.
See What Is Really Happening
Expectation clouds your perception on many things in life, such as friendship, love, or work. You stop seeing how things around you are really happening when you expect them to happen a certain way. “He is not carrying my bag,” or “I achieved my target, but I don’t get any credit.” This prevents you from recognising the good that comes your way and causes you to push it away thinking that it is crap.
Without pre-fixed ideas to limit your perception, you can accept what comes your way as part of the solution to realising what you truly desire in life. Often, you feel discouraged when things are not happening the way you want them to happen. You might even lose hope thinking that it’s not meant to be, and even give up pursuing it altogether because your actions are in vain. Does this sound familiar?
As a result, you do not realise that you are right in the process of it all coming to pass, and you turn away when you are closer than you ever were before. So, let go of expectations so that you can embrace the process and let the outcome unfold itself.
An Attitude Of No Expectations
If you choose to live with an attitude of no expectations, I can assure that you will be better off because you eliminate failure and disappointment from your perception. Here’s why: you can continue to do what you believe in simply because you do not expect a particular outcome. You can let go of much negativity and you won’t be holding back from going on in the direction of your desire.
In the context of having no expectations, it is meant by expectation is attached to a random outcome, instead of a particular one. Of course, you expect what you desire to happen, we all do, but you should also expect that anything can happen. One should have a relaxed and confident expectation that the desire will come true. Have no expectations or no attachments to expected outcomes but expect or look to see your desire to manifest in its own way.
It’s absolute most challenging to live a life without expectations. You are so used to having expectations for everything. And you start feeling bad and guilty when you don’t meet other people’s expectations. If you can’t live without expectations, start with lowering your expectations. I promise that you’ll find yourself living a happier life.
“My expectations were reduced to zero when I was 21. Everything since then has been a bonus.” – Stephen Hawking
Here are three tips on how to live your life without expectations.
1. Become Aware Of Your Expectations
Chances are high you won’t recognise your expectations because they are subtle and take different forms. They disguise themselves as goals, visions, beliefs, assumptions and social norms. Every time, you think someone “should” do something or something “should” happen, that is an expectation. The word “should” brings forth expectations. So, you may want to start noticing how you use the word “should” for all the small things in life. Don’t let these expectations run your daily life.
2. Stop Wanting To Be Right
Look, I’m not saying that people shouldn’t be on time, or your partner shouldn’t help you out with the household. But when you believe these are the right things to do and people should do it, you are setting yourself up for a bunch of disappointments. Our expectations create misery because we believe we are right. If you are doing the household and you need help, simply ask for help. Have no expectations in a relationship. Don’t determine who’s right or who’s wrong, because there is no right or wrong. Stop blaming one another and start communicating.
3. Have No Expectations Of Others
This is probably the most important and useful piece of advice I can give you. Don’t expect people to be nice to you and most certainly don’t feel entitled to it. Instead, be nice to yourself and others. It may seem very depressing to have no expectations of others, but let’s be honest here, you probably realised that you have absolutely no control over one’s action. So why the hell would you let another person’s action affect you?
“Nobody owes you shit.” – Gary Vaynerchuk
You can only control how you treat others and how you treat yourself. So be nice to yourself when people are unkind. Forgive them. And don’t even expect your friends or family to do what they promise. This has nothing to do with trust. People just don’t do what they promise every single time. I’m sure you experience it for yourself.
Whatever the case is, don’t take other people’s words too seriously. Don’t even take your own words too seriously! Because words are just words until actions are taken.
Originally published at ye-chen.com.
- Do you think differently about having no expectations?
- Did having expectations ever ruined a relationship for you?
- Do you feel bad when you don’t meet other’s expectations?
Have your say in the comment section 🙂
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Freelancer // Blogger // Life & Change Enthusiast.