I’m sure you’ve noticed by now, not everyone is a delight to be around. This doesn’t make them a bad person necessarily; it just means that they don’t necessarily serve as a healthy influence.
Stating that someone is toxic can be a bit harsh, although sometimes it can even be an understatement. However, if a person displays behaviour that has a negative impact on you in any way, it’s unhealthy for you. Honestly, you shouldn’t subject yourself to someone else’s toxicity. Despite your tendency to want to give someone the benefit of the doubt, it’s not mandatory that we do so.
“People inspire you, or they drain you — pick them wisely.” — Hans F. Hansen
Going Against Reason
Research from Friedrich Schiller University in Germany, has shown how serious toxic people are. They found that exposure to incentives that causes strong negative emotions will cause your brains to have a massive stress response. This the same kind of exposure you get when dealing with toxic people.
Exposure to even a few days of stress compromises the effectiveness of an important brain area (hippocampus) that is responsible for reasoning and memory. Being exposed to weeks of stress cause reversible damage to brain cells and being exposed for months of stress can permanently destroy them.Toxic people don’t just make you miserable, they’re tough on your brain. Toxic people’s behaviour is so irrational, it truly goes against reason.
“There’s folks you just don’t need.You’re better off without em.Your life is just a little better because they ain’t in it.” — William Gay
There are many different things toxic people do to manipulate people and situations to their advantage. Here are my five worst types of toxic drainers that I am staying away from and you should as well. Knowing them will help you and me to avoid falling under their influence.
1. The Schemer
Schemers are the worst! They suck time and energy out of your life under the disguise of friendship. They are complicated to deal with and hard to notice, because they treat you like a friend and try to build a genuinely false trust (if that makes sense). They know your values, what makes you happy, what you like, and what you think is funny, and they use this information as part of a hidden plan.
Schemers always want something from you, and if you look back on your relationships with them, it’s all take with little or no giving. They’ll do anything to win you over, just so they can work you over again and again.
“We perceive that the schemers return again and again to common sense and labor. Such is the evidence of history.” — Henry David Thoreau
2. The Pessimistic
Pessimistic people suck the life out of you and anyone in the room by imposing their negativity and pessimism upon everyone they encounter. Their viewpoints always lean towards what’s missing in life instead of what’s there to appreciate. They can inject fear and concern into even the most caring situations.
A study by the Notre Dame University discovered that students assigned to roommates who thought negatively were more likely to develop negative thinking and sometimes even depression.
“Pessimist: One who, when he has the choice of two devils, chooses both.” — Oscar Wilde
3. The Judgmental
Judgmental people instantaneously tells you exactly what is and isn’t accepted in a forceful manner, and they primarily aim this at you. They take the thing you’re most passionate about and make you feel awful about it. It never comes to their mind to appreciate and learn from people who are different from them, because judgmental people look down on others all the time.
Judgmental people kill your longing to be a passionate and lovely expressive person, so you’re best off kicking them out and being yourself.
“Sometimes the nicest people you meet are covered in tattoos and sometimes the most judgmental people you meet go to church on Sundays.” — Earl Dibbles Jr.
4. The Victim
Victims are hard to identify because you initially empathise with their problems. However, as time passes, you start to realise that their time of need is stealing all your time. Victims actively push away any personal responsibility by making every problem they encounter into an impenetrable wall.
The thing is, they don’t see tough times as opportunities to learn and grow from, but instead, they see them as a one-way ticket out. They choose to suffer every time and that is what makes victims so toxic. As an old saying goes:
“Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.” — Buddha
5. The Gossip
Gossipers take pleasure from other people’s misfortunes. It might be fun to poke into somebody else’s personal or professional mistakes, but over time, it gets tiring, makes you feel gross, and hurts other people. The worst part is that you lose yourself at a certain point.
There are too many goods out there and too much to learn from interesting people to waste your time talking about the misfortune of others.
“Great minds discuss ideas, average ones discuss events, and small minds discuss people.” — Eleanor Roosevelt
Be Kind To Yourself First
I know this can be a difficult step to take. Especially, for the kind-hearted ones out there. Kindness may be a prerequisite for healthy and meaningful relationships, but not setting boundaries can come across as an invitation to those with draining emotional needs.Be too kind and you will start to attract needy, excessively emotional, controlling, and guilt-tripping toxic people.
Again, don’t compromise yourself for them — be kind to yourself first.
Originally published at ye-chen.com.
- What is your experience with toxic people?
- Which of the five profiles do you think is the worst?
- Are you compromising yourself for them?
Have your say in the comment section 🙂
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