Many marriages are so rough, you are forced to ask how they came about in the first place. Why do people marry the person they marry? If you are married, why did you marry the person you are married to and not someone else?
The reason we marry the person we marry determines how our marriage turns out to be.
What are some of the reasons people may marry someone?
- Love: Some people marry a particular person because they love the person and think they will be happy with the person as husband and wife.
- Money: Some people marry because of money. What attracts them to the person they marry is the person is rich and they want to enjoy the riches.
- Prestige: Some people look for their spouse in a highly placed family so that they can have the honor of a big connection.
- Family: Some people marry to satisfy their family especially their parents to enable them to meet their need for honor.
- Adventure: Some people marry for adventure.
- Benefit: Some people marry to get some benefit through the marriage which may not necessarily be the person’s money. It could be the possibility of obtaining a visa to travel to another country or to obtain citizenship in another country.
- Some people marry to have children. They may not love the person they marry but because they think they will have beautiful or handsome children with the one.
- Physical attraction: some people marry a particular person because they find the person physically attractive. They want their friends to see them with a beautiful wife or handsome husband.
- Proximity: some people marry because of proximity. They grow together in the same locality and know each other and become so used to each other that they decide to get married. They have not been exposed to the world. They meet other people only later.
- Conformity: some people marry to conform; to be like their friends. Their friends are getting married and they don’t want to be the only ones not married. Hence, they hurriedly take a decision to marry whoever they find.
These are just some of the reasons someone may end as a spouse to another. Only the first one is love. The others have nothing to do with love. Can there be any doubt that many marriages run into trouble? God instituted marriage so that two people who love themselves should agree to come together and live together as husband and wife, and produce children out of love.
When we put aside love in favor of different considerations, our marriage becomes difficult.
Love should be the primary consideration for marriage. But you will hear many people asking whether one can eat love. They say it is better to marry someone who will provide for you even if you don’t love the person than to marry someone you love passionately, but who has nothing.
The truth is most of such marriages that have an economic interest or other interest outside love end up with a lot of problems.
Love, therefore, should be the main reason we marry someone.
But take that you are already married and love was not the reason you married the one you are married to, what are you to do?
This is a great question which brings us to the concept of love as a decision. There’s a concept that love is a decision not just passion. You can decide to love some one and actually do. You may not be physically attracted to the person or you may not find all that you like to see in a spouse in the person, but you decide all the same that you will love the person and actually do.
Hence, if you got married for another reason different from love, what you must do now is to take the decision to love the one whom God has given you. If you take this decision and stick to it and do your best to make it work, it will.
And whether we married for love or some other reason, our challenge is to take or renew our decision to love our spouse daily. At the start of everyday, renew this decision silently. Tell yourself that you have decided to love your spouse unconditionally today. Do everything within your powers to respect this decision. If you both resolve to do this as a couple daily, there can be no doubt about the success of your marriage.