As the month ends and we say goodbye to 2017, I wanted to do a year end wrap up and thank you and also say goodbye for now.
The little blog that could has grown so immensely and the support I have received from so many of you has been heartwarming and appreciated more than my words could express.
This year turned out to be a year of hope and challenges and unfortunately heartbreak, again. I have thrived in my job, which I love. I have pushed and (hopefully) succeeded in continuing my education. My family still has health challenges but everyone is holding steady. My friends who are my family are more important to me than I could ever express and I love them more than words could describe for me.
But there has been one part of my life that is a constant failure – my relationships. This year was particularly hard on me in that department. And so was 2016. And the year before that.
When a relationship fails the two people in it share part of the blame in its demise. But the one relationship which has hurt me the most was not at all my fault for the way it ended. It had nothing to do with me. It has been bad timing on his part, his own insecurities and his issues, not mine. But unfortunately I am the collateral damage. Please don’t tell me I am better off without him. He made a mistake or you will find love with the right person. I know people say those things to make you feel better and do so with only the best intentions. And I know that and I appreciate it, but it is not what I want to hear.
I have struggled with shutting my blog down for good. There is only so much heartbreak you can write about and not feel beaten down emotionally and physically from it. Yes at times it is cathartic but most times it is just painful and embarrassing. Why? Everyone knows how much you have failed.
I want to be optimistic for 2018. I want to feel like I did as 2017 slid in and be sure that it was going to be my year. But, it wasn’t, again. It was hard, painful at times, and unfair. I have lost my optimism for 2018. And maybe it is just time to step away and figure out what path I need to take, if any.
I wanted this post to be joyous and happy, but when you aren’t feeling that way it is impossible. I know we all struggle and have issues that we deal with. But when it is you struggling you feel like you are the only one.
I’m not sure what I will do the next few days regarding my blog. I need time to think about my life. But I want to say thank you, to all of you who read, support and pick me up when I need it most.
I hope you find love and happiness, but most of all peace in 2018. Whatever holiday you celebrate may it be a good one for you. I know many of you will be having a hard time coping, I understand that, all too well. And I wish there was a way to take away that pain. If I could invent a magic pill, I would give it out for free. Because we all pay such a heavy price when we have pain.