Second Chances

And then there was one

via Daily Prompt: Entertain

Do exes deserve a second chance? How about a third chance? or more? Are they exes for a reason or was the reason that they became an ex fixable?

I have been grappling with this dilemma for a few weeks now. I haven’t written much about it all because, well, I am very confused and honestly I am not ready to write about it all, yet. One has been back in my life since October, very present but not without its challenges, and the other has been trying to get back in, but not hard enough.

I have a strong feeling I know where my heart longs to be, but it is the constant battle in my heart that will not let me entertain leaving one behind. I care about them both and can see a future with either of them. It is more confusing than…

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Bring on 2018

Happy New Year and Happy 2018!

Don’t make resolutions just resolve to make every day count.

Xoxo ~ Karen 

I Want Real

I never understood the need for extravagant gifts from the person you love. I’ve had that and in the end the relationship meant nothing to me and neither did the gifts he gave to me.

I am very simple. Time together is the best present anyone can give me. I would rather talk, prepare a meal together, laugh at all the funny things happening around us. Making memories is priceless.

And I am doing all of this again and it feels good. No, actually it feels great. I have something pretty special going on in my life but I am going to preserve it for now.  I want to share and I will, one day. But not yet. Things are familiar but very different, in a good way. Maybe I finally got my happening ending, from a new beginning. Time will tell and I hope time is on my side. Its been a long time coming and lots of hard work on my part. I have fallen a thousand times but what matters is how I get back up. And I do, every single time, sometimes stronger, sometimes weaker, but ultimately I get back up. We all know old scars are hard to heal. And that is what I am working on for me. I’m trying to not always expect the worst to happen and live in the moment.

I’ve been contemplating shutting down my blog but I realized I would miss writing and I would miss connecting with all of you. So I may just write less for now but I will not be going away, at least not for good.

I am happy, I am content and I am looking forward to 2018. And that is the best gift of all.

 

A Wrap Up and a Goodbye for Now

As the month ends and we say goodbye to 2017, I wanted to do a year end wrap up and thank you and also say goodbye for now.

The little blog that could has grown so immensely and the support I have received from so many of you has been heartwarming and appreciated more than my words could express.

This year turned out to be a year of hope and challenges and unfortunately heartbreak, again. I have thrived in my job, which I love. I have pushed and (hopefully) succeeded in continuing my education. My family still has health challenges but everyone is holding steady. My friends who are my family are more important to me than I could ever express and I love them more than words could describe for me.

But there has been one part of my life that is a constant failure – my relationships. This year was particularly hard on me in that department. And so was 2016. And the year before that.

When a relationship fails the two people in it share part of the blame in its demise. But the one relationship which has hurt me the most was not at all my fault for the way it ended. It had nothing to do with me. It has been bad timing on his part, his own insecurities and his issues, not mine. But unfortunately I am the collateral damage. Please don’t tell me I am better off without him. He made a mistake or you will find love with the right person. I know people say those things to make you feel better and do so with only the best intentions. And I know that and I appreciate it, but it is not what I want to hear.

I have struggled with shutting my blog down for good. There is only so much heartbreak you can write about and not feel beaten down emotionally and physically from it. Yes at times it is cathartic but most times it is just painful and embarrassing. Why? Everyone knows how much you have failed.

I want to be optimistic for 2018. I want to feel like I did as 2017 slid in and be sure that it was going to be my year. But, it wasn’t, again. It was hard, painful at times, and unfair. I have lost my optimism for 2018. And maybe it is just time to step away and figure out what path I need to take, if any.

I wanted this post to be joyous and happy, but when you aren’t feeling that way it is impossible. I know we all struggle and have issues that we deal with. But when it is you struggling you feel like you are the only one.

I’m not sure what I will do the next few days regarding my blog. I need time to think about my life. But I want to say thank you, to all of you who read, support and pick me up when I need it most.

I  hope you find love and happiness, but most of all peace in 2018. Whatever holiday you celebrate may it be a good one for you. I know many of you will be having a hard time coping, I understand that, all too well. And I wish there was a way to take away that pain. If I could invent a magic pill, I would give it out for free. Because we all pay such a heavy price when we have pain.

All signs point to…

via Daily Prompt: Compass

All signs point to…a new beginning. Work, love, family, life – all of it has been challenging this year. I started out 2017 hopeful. My compass was pointed away from the path of sadness and despair that was my 2016 and leading me to a new path in 2017. But once again there were so many challenges – love lost, then gained, then lost again. Family healthy, then not healthy, then healthy again. Work hopeful, busy and happy, then challenging and combative, then peaceful and successful again.

As 2017 draws to a close, my compass seems to be leading me toward a positive path. I am always so worried that it will all change in a heartbeat and I will be thrown off course again. And it may very well happen, but right now I need to enjoy the path I am on. Life is good. Work is good. Love is good. My family is good.

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring but I have today – and for that I am thankful.

 

Closing Chapters, Opening New Ones

School is almost over! One more project, one more paper but no more classes (yay). I cannot wait to just read a magazine again, watch something mindless on TV or Netflix and just relax. I’m pushing myself to just finish these two projects by Sunday.

So I am also debating starting a PhD program in the Fall. I’ve been inspired by a few people in my life to just go for it, one unexpected person in particular and if I am granted tuition assistance then there really is no excuse. The work is daunting but I know I can handle it.

I’m not going to elaborate on my personal life right now. I went through a rough patch a few weeks ago but the outcome was not what I had originally thought. Sometimes it just takes a little compromise (okay maybe a lot) and the ability to listen to be able to understand. Being completely and utterly stressed out didn’t help matters. Every worse case scenario appeared in front of me, some of it warranted, but in the end it was okay. Time will tell what happens but sometimes I wish I had a crystal ball.

I’ll be writing my 2017 wrap-up soon and what a year it has been. So many highs and also many lows too. I’m optimistic for 2018 but more on that later.

Right now it’s time to get back to finishing my assignments. Five more days!!!!!!

Have a great day everyone, xo

 

Forever Learning

via Daily Prompt: Degree

If you read my blog you know my struggles with both love, going back to school to earn another degree, family illnesses, etc.

Life is very rarely smooth sailing. Even people who you think have the best of it from the outside looking in are also struggling too in when you get a glimpse on the inside.

I went through a rough patch this week and received support and some humorous outlooks on things from very unexpected people as well as the usual suspects in my life. I know I wear my heart on my sleeve. Sometimes I feel stressed and overwhelmed by my job and constant educational aspirations. But my support network is what keeps me sane, level=headed, positive and encouraged.

At this moment right now I have a lot going on. Final exam this week, final analysis project, final research paper and then….time to relax, recoup and recharge. And finally get my Christmas shopping completed.

And life is good, really good. Unexpected surprises have led to new smiles and a new outlook on things.

Learn to appreciate the little things. Sometimes I have a tendency to look at the big picture and feel as if I am failing if things aren’t exactly as I planned. And as I always preach – appreciate those who love and support you, not matter how much you feel you are burdening them, I can guarantee that you are not. Because true friends understand, listen and help you get back on track. And remember to be that friend too. The road of friendship should be a two way street. Don’t ever take anyone for granted.

Wishing everyone a wonderful, restful weekend.

#dailyprompt