Crazy

I’m still trying to make sense of it allHow someone can see you better than you see yourself. 

Please God if he is a lie, I pray I’m blinded to the truth. 

This bliss, away from the skeletons hidden in my skin. 

This pillow, so soft, I pray you make it last 

This cloud, oh pretty please let me fly. 

Hearts beating way too fast.

Let the time go slow, this is my plea. 

If this is a drug, I want to stay high, 

Let me be free! 

Let the overdose take me into the sky. 

Away from this reality. 

Im so amazed at how you can look at me! 

You see my catastrophe, 

I got a question! 

Are you freakin crazy!? 

All the pains that have been told to me, 

are now coming back like a melody. 

“You’re crazy”

“You need help” 

“Stop being a woman” 

“You’re too emotional”

“You’re the Queen of fucking shit up” 

Now here you are, 

Someone new. 

Like, seriously, 

What the fuck do you want from me!?

Cause I swear I ain’t got nothin else to give. 

So if you come for trouble, 

This is no longer the place that it lives! 

It’s peace that I’m searching for!

My heart is at war. 

Leaving it open, is a death sentence is what they teach. 

Well, I can’t see you if you refuse to see me. 

Little do they know, the Lord up above is the one that I seek. 

So whatever happens, let it come for me. 

Fear can’t continue to have control of me is what Ive been led preach. 

So if love is truly what you seek, then come fly away with me. 

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Let me explain to you the category of women you’re about to place me in. 
Upon meeting me, you’re going to notice my calm nature. You’re not going to know how to take it at first, but eventually you’ll start to feel comfortable. So much to the point where you’ll tell me things that you wouldn’t normally tell a woman about yourself. 

A calm demeanor is easy to talk to and get along with. Just real down to earth. It’s not that I’m being someone I’m not, its just simple suits me better and soothes my mind. That’s when I get to know about the girl of your past. The one that’s truly in your heart. I understand pain, so I’ll try to swoop in and save you. I’ll fall hard and fast. I’ll do and be everything she wasn’t, just to make sure this love lasts. I’m the woman you’d want to be with, but she can’t seem to compete with the one that came before her. The woman in your heart. She has a higher throne than me you see, and although I want to be your Queen, there is not enough room in the kingdom to be ruled by three. 

It’s a blessing and curse honestly. The blessing being able to understand a man. To strive to be his best friend, to shoot straight for his heart and want so badly to earn his trust. The curse, when my heart seems to be the only one in motion. Getting caught up in this ocean of confusion as a new woman in me takes over and you call her “crazy”. I allow you to be free, but still place you under my wing when you can’t bear to fly any further. I allow you to come back to me. I am The In-Between. 

Then, your feelings appear. It is then that you start to understand what your heart is about to do. The thing is, you don’t want to, move on that is, but still, you let me nurture you while you give me the air that I need to breathe. Then all of a sudden, you knock the oxygen right out of me as you think of her, and you think of me. Unfortunately, I can never compete. 

If only you knew the pain I don’t show you. As I fall into this dark hole. If you knew the tears I cry as I pick myself up, and dust myself off with a new smile moving on to the next hurt soul. Searching, searching, searching for the next wounded heart to mend hoping that one day he’ll mend mine too. They say good guys finish last and truly they do, but oh the deathly feeling, of the good girl allowing herself to be misused. 

Crazy

 

He poked at my flaws
but failed to see my heart.
The relationship failed before it got a chance to start.
Fear would consume my mind
as I questioned who I was.
Flashbacks of situations in my past
Reappeared with new scars.
When he saw an angel sent from heaven.
He would say I was “the one”
But once he saw my horns,
He was ready to run.
His truth was finally revealed to me,
That he only wanted me when I was happy.
If only he could look in the mirror to see…
That he was the exact reflection of me.
But when you’ve been hurt so many times before, it gets harder to see your own catastrophe.

The lesson

I met a man who helped me see myself through his eyes. I chiseled away at my flaws for him. 

Casting out all my demons. 

So I could be perfect in his sight. 

I faced my fears head on for him,

Even when I wanted to take flight. 

I would kick, scream, and fight for him. 

I would do it all. 

Just so I could make him proud 

and be the girl that he wanted…

At his feet I would fall down and crawl. 

I built and rebuilt. 

I tore down and built again. 

I climbed mountains and fought my soul just so I could please him. 

And when I was ready, in front of him I stood, ready to conquer whatever obstacle that would…

DARE get in the way of this man loving me. 

You see, I met a man who helped me see myself through his eyes just fine,

The only problem was, he was too scared to look into mine.