Sometimes it’s me…

SPRINKLE OF THOUGHTS

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Sometimes it’s me

Sometimes I am the common denominator in my drama

Sometimes I am the damn problem, I am the enemy

Sometimes I have no control on the matter.

Yes, I’m aware of that.

I’d like to say I have trust issues but it goes beyond that

You’ve ever been so broken that life no longer makes sense?

You’ve ever been so used to dysfunction that a sign of health scares you?

That the mere presence of happiness or even love alarms you?

It leaves you wondering, “is this for real“?

I’m way too familiar with the feeling, it makes me tensed.

I find reasons to not make it work, I find faults

It’s like an automatic response, a registered defense mechanism

Inscribed in my DNA, intertwined in spheres and prisms

Camouflaged in my subconscious

I am a walking bank of emotions

I’m in permanent battles with my…

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How are you really feeling?

SPRINKLE OF THOUGHTS

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Sometimes when I say “I’m fine”, I want someone to look me in the eyes and say “tell me the truth”…

“How are you?” asked my therapist.
I am fine.” I replied immediately.
Well there isn’t any word like ‘alright’, ‘good’, ‘fine’ or ‘okay’ when you are in this room. So tell me, how do you really feel today?” She said calmly.
I paused, looked at her and she was smiling at me but there was seriousness in her eyes. I almost wanted to cry because for a while I haven’t felt like somebody genuinely wanted to know how I was doing. So I took a deep breath and said “To be honest, I haven’t been myself lately” and I began pouring my heart to her…


This was just an example but how many of us relate to this? How many of us…

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The battlefield of the mind.

SPRINKLE OF THOUGHTS

mind

“A person’s mind is so powerful. You can create, invent, manifest, experience and destroy things with thoughts alone.”

This goes a long way. The mind is so limitless that we could have an imagination as wild as the universe and find ways to actually make them happen. Nothing really is impossible for the mind. And sometimes instead of using it for our advantage and for the good use, we tend to use our minds wrongly or at least, we don’t use it to it’s potential. Same thing goes for words. They can inspire as well as destroy. They are free but it’s how you use them that can cost you. So let me ask you this question: which do you prefer; verbal/emotional pain or physical pain?

If you look at some movies where villains have been captured and thrown in some creepy cells or dungeons, you see them going through…

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Conversations with God

SPRINKLE OF THOUGHTS

prayer-500

I talk to God like He is my therapist or at least I try because during the process I try to hide stuff and I be like “No I can’t tell Him that. It’s just too much”. But I forget God is all knowing hence whether I tell Him or not, He knows so I just go way all in. I imagine He was one of my girls and it’s ranting time and I be like “Okay so this is what’s up.” I pour out my heart and soul and just in case He wants proof, I have texts, notes from my diary etc(😂). I cry, I laugh and I feel like it’s one of the most intimate moments of my life. And just like a friend, He will reply; through signs or people or through the requests I asked of Him. And like all my friends, sometimes…

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How do you know when to hold on or when to let go?

SPRINKLE OF THOUGHTS

hold on

I’m constantly torn between “if it’s meant to be, it will be” and “if I want it, I’ll go get it”

I used to dwell on this mentality. “If it’s meant to be, it will be” or “True love has a way of coming back” or ” Right person, wrong timing“…if it was true love or meant to be, why did it leave in the first place? I mean, isn’t there supposed to be some sort of holding on and understanding we are not perfect hence make things work through it all? Life really isn’t a bed of roses but what makes it seem okay to leave whenever you feel like things ain’t going your way and you hope some miracle will happen and somehow we’ll find our ways back? It’s really difficult to tell how life works but one thing I know is, we have…

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Loss

SPRINKLE OF THOUGHTS

I was scared to write this poem cuz I thought I didn’t have the words
Truth is, only when you speak about the pain is when you realize how much it hurts
They say time heals everything but here I am, still feeling lost
Yet somehow willing to pay the prize no matter how much it costs.
The memories still come to me, so vivid
The feelings are so fresh like they happened yesterday
I felt something leave me and my heart literally stopped beating
My mind lost track and probably found itself wandering in the milky way
My world paused or rather, everything was in slow motion
And at that moment, it was like I had a cerebral commotion.

I was never given the chance to say a proper goodbye
Maybe explain why I sometimes acted like a child
I was never taught how to let go
So tell…

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Nothing happens twice for the same reason.

SPRINKLE OF THOUGHTS

Have you ever experienced something and later on in the future, you get that sensation of “déjà-vu”? And most of the time instead of wondering why the same things are happening over and over again, we shrug it off saying “I’ve seen it already, what’s different about this time.? Let is just happen and let’s be done with this!” Same…same. I used to say that and never pay attention to the little changes in the situations or even how my character was affected. I’ll just let it go.

It took my life to go on one of those journeys where there’s no turning back to understand the consequences of my actions. It took me breaking down and not wanting to move on with life to understand why certain things were happening to me. And it took me a lot of discernment and self assessment to try and dig…

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