Stop drifting

If you have been drifting
In life,
It means yours is a life
Without a goal,
And no clear plan
To follow,
If you are on a journey
Without a destination,
That is not the right
Thing to do;
My message to you is clear
And simple:
Stop drifting;
Stop wasting your life;
By drifting you waste
Your life;
By drifting you aimlessly
Wander;
An exercise that we say
Is worthless.
You stop drifting;
As success, it won’t bring
To you.

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Three girls sitting together.

What We Forget When Giving Advice

Three girls sitting together.

We all know someone who is in need of a little advice, and maybe even yourself.

The issue that comes with offering advice is that it’s easy to be perceived as a know-it-all and that has led many to be consumed by their own ego. In time, that will affect the way advice is given. In my case, I become more and more condescending as my ego is trying to take over my mind. And when that happens, nobody is going to listen.

When you have a friend, who is in a tough spot, it’s good to want to provide with some insight to help them out. But it’s not an easy conversation to have, especially when you think to know all the complicated circumstances of their situation that made you realise how little you actually know.

So, to not make the same mistake again, here are three important self-check questions to ask yourself:

 

Is Your Advice Wanted?

Clearly, not everyone is looking for advice. Before you go offering your point of view, make sure they’re interested in hearing it, because no type of advice is worse than unwanted advice. Oftentimes, people aren’t looking for advice from anyone to solve their problem.

Sometimes, it’s best to stay quiet and be more of a listening ear. Once you commit to listening rather than talking, there will be less burden on you to say something wise. And most importantly, your friend or family will feel heard.

Other times, it’s best to let the moment pass, give yourself some time to think and then return with well-planned words. We can all relate to the following: How many of us did not take our parents’ advice because we weren’t ready to hear it? Only to realize later that those same parents magically acquired intelligence and the advice they gave us years ago was spot-on.

Another way to go around is, instead of giving well-planned words, ask them questions, so they go through the process of finding their own solutions. If it’s getting clear that the person doesn’t have a clear solution or practice, then that’s your chance to ask if they would like to hear your input on their problem. If they don’t want your input, then continue to listen actively and just be there. Sometimes it’s better for them to let out some steam and solve it on their own.

 

Are You Honest About What You Know And Don’t Know?

“Don’t give someone advice when you don’t have the proper experience yourself,” is the most used argument when giving advice. Understandable, because pretending like you know something you don’t and acting as you’ve been in a situation you haven’t been will only harm yourself and others on the long-run. Remember, you can only fool some people for some time.

But then again, do you really need personal experience to give great advice? You might be better off without it because one danger of giving advice is projecting your own experiences. You might have been there, but you haven’t been through that precise same situation. Try to recall the most difficult situation that you’ve been in and you might find out exactly how different the situation is.

What I’m trying to point out is: Don’t worry too much about offering your view to your friend just because you haven’t experienced the exact problem. Your friend will appreciate your view even more if you’re approaching a situation with new perspectives.

What it all comes down to is being honest and let your friend know that you are not familiar with his or her situation and that you want to shed some light unto this problem based on what you have heard so far. Offer guidance in a way that’s truly helpful, which is to advise the person about the decision at hand. Explain what you know about their options, offer a recommendation if you see fit, then let them use that information to make a sound decision.

Reeshad Dalal, a psychologist at George Mason University in Fairfax who studies effective decisions and advice, says: “While you may have greater expertise on the topic as a whole, the decision-maker may have greater expertise about the specific decision to be made.”

 

Are You Making Sure It’s About Them?

I’m sure you know someone, or maybe even yourself, getting all upset because the given advice was never used (I know I have). It’s understandable since you took the time and effort to give your friend advice. However, this doesn’t mean he or she is obligated to use it and most certainly it doesn’t mean you are entitled to any gratitude in return.

The thing is, they may not agree with your advice or recommendations. They have no responsibility to use it and that’s perfectly fine. As hard as this may sound, they owe you nothing. You can’t tell people what to do, but the good part is that you can help them get there. It’s not a simple task to understand and be empathetic – to imagine the place where others are stuck in and how they are feeling.

Sadly, many of us have the tendency to project our own issues and successes onto others even when it’s not needed. When someone is facing a dilemma, they need self-confidence to trust their intuition and make an informed decision. In addition, it helps to offer emotional support next to giving advice.

So, if a friend comes to you for advice, let them know that you’re here to help but you trust them to make an intelligent decision. Believe me, your confidence may be all the advice they need to overcome any adversity.

Of course, this is still an advice, so I leave it up to you whether to use it or not.

 

Best Advice

Please keep in mind what might work with one friend might not work with another. Use your good judgment. Eventually, you want your advice to strengthen your friend and give them more confidence in their own judgment in the future.

The best advice I was ever given throughout my life was to ask better questions and to listen closely. This is such an important skill that can contribute to many life situations and promote a deeper understanding of friends, family, and even people you meet in the business.

Originally published at ye-chen.com.

  • How do you usually give advice?
  • Do you have any advice for me?
  • What was best ever given advice?

Have your say in the comment section 🙂

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Don’t sell after the market!

“Prudence is good but don’t be slow in the name of being prudent. It is good to be smart and fast; and if you make a mistake, you correct it and continue. If you are slow because you want to be prudent, you may arrive when the market is over which is what we call selling after the market.” (Romilia Quotes)

Control your emotions

Control your emotions
Else your emotions
Control you;
When you control your emotions,
You take wise decisions
And act wisely;
When your emotions control you,
You take sloppy decisions
And act foolishly;
And the results can be
Catastrophic;
Many times your emotions
Will rock you
And threaten to carry you away;
Or control you;
Instead of you controlling them;
Don’t give them a chance
To carry you off
To a destination you don’t approve;
You must be the master
Not the servant of your emotions;
Control your emotions;
Don’t let your emotions control you.
True, that you may have strong emotions;
But let them pass through the sifter of reason;
Eve allowed her emotions to control her;
And she ate the forbidden fruit,
Adam allowed his emotions
To control him;
And he ate the forbidden fruit;
We have never stopped,
And will never stop
Paying the price;
If you let your emotions
Carry you away
That will be a great mistake;
Acting unreasonably;
You will do wrong
And claim it’s right;
You will listen to nobody;
And become hard to get along with;
Your life will slide gradually
Towards a precipice,
Where disaster awaits you.
If you fly your plane
When your emotions are high,
You may crash-land;
You must learn to control
Your emotions;
Don’t allow your emotions
To control you.
When emotions, especially
Strong emotions are
Allowed to take control,
Tragedy always follows.
Never forget this;
And control your emotions.

Stop looking at my age

red stop sign
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Are you looking at my age,
And drawing a conclusion
About what you think I can do
And what you think I cannot do?
You may be right
And you may also be wrong;
What I can say is
Stop looking at my age
And drawing conclusions;
My age may mislead you;
Look at my determination
Not my age;
Look at my resolve;
This goes for everybody;
Age can be deceitful
If you are stronly resolved;
And you are determined enough,
There is nothing you cannot do;
Haven’t you seen people
Doing thngs
When they are
Already very advanced in age?
And haven’t you seen
Very young people
Doing marvels?
Age is not what matters;
It is courage, the reslve,
The determination and the faith.
My age has nothing to do
With what I want to accomplish.
Whether young or old,
I am determined to accomplish
What I have set my mind on.
So, please,
Stop looking at my age.

COMMON ≠ NATURAL


It has been three long months at a B-School while I am still trying to adjust to its hectic ways and demands. Joining a curriculum straight after a weak graduation does not seem to be a wise move but I am glad like few others I have been able to make it and I am breathing fine. While I still panic at times to decipher the meanings of the occurrences around me, I make several observations, few of which need to be learned and many to be discarded as irrelevant happenings. Being one of the youngest people at my college, what I really feel blessed about is when many people confide in me. However some confessions really strike hard leaving me in wonder.
Are we supposed to be going by the worldly ways that are common and seemingly right or abide by our morals that rarely make our conscience speak urging us to take the path that might not be clichéd?
Anyway my purpose is not to question morals regarding what is right or wrong for I feel it is all a personal choice and a matter of the upbringing but yes I wish to assert that what is common is not what is natural!
Being a part of one of the coolest gang in my college, many a times I am offered drinks and cigarettes, however since I am adamant on not trying these, I am more and often forced to go for it in the lieu of missing out something really great and worth trying! What has been strange was when two of the members of the same group approached me personally, individually regarding the issues they had been facing in regard to the addictions. I was really shocked by the fact that those were the same people regretting who were forcing me the most in the group to drink and smoke. Well, I didn’t know how to react while they confessed their regret for they were elder to me. But it was really despicable to know that they were indulging in something that they actually didn’t enjoy. Of course I could easily sense from their conversations that it was a way out to escape from the daily tensions but cannot there be another way to evade the stress levels?
Well, I had no advice for them because I actually didn’t know what would work but all I could explain to them was relatively in terms of how they were getting trapped and succumbing themselves to the slavery of these addictions. Hearing their individual rants, one thing became very clear that all of it starts with peer pressure and the worst part is that despite knowing the harmful impacts, they are unable to quit it.
Another trait of human being that comes forward is that the one who is trapped in this vicious cycle of vices, feels pleasure and relief to have others on the same way as well. Making the incorrect correct has become very common nowadays and so it is really a tough call for people with a gullible mind to follow their intuition. Maybe that is the reason of our dying conscience as the world is so fond of making common vices seem like a natural process and ironically it happens to an extent that the line between the right and the wrong vanishes slowly.
‘Doing what one believes in’ is still not a banal quote to say for most of us still act out of pressure which can be family, peer and societal that succumbs our mind and weakens our heart. Undoubtedly it depletes our aura and breaks our determination for we end up committing regretting actions which we later try to justify by falsely convincing ourselves ‘ it is okay , it happens! ’
Before this article turns out to be a boring moral lesson , I got to write this simple reminder that let us not be a victim of the unconscious moves but rather be thoughtful of the consequences before we again end up doing just another common thing!

Your time will come

Wait for your time
To come;
Soon, it will come;
No one can stop it;
And you cannot hasten it;
When it is time,
It is time;
That is the rule;
When the time will come
For you,
It will come;
There shall be no changing;
What will come,
Will come.
You can’t stop it;
No one can stop it;
The hands of the clock
Cannot be stopped from turning;
The clock will always tick;
On and on it will tick;
And your time will come
When it will come;
Wait for it.
You will succeed
When your time comes;
For surely i will come.

Wait till the end

crowd in front of people playing musical instrument during nighttime
Photo by picjumbo.com on Pexels.com

I see you in real jubilation;
What is the good news?
Did you win the trophy?
You have to watch out;
Don’t dance lame before
The real dance;
I know you scored the first goal,
But that does not make you
The winner?
You will be mistaken
To think it does;
You could be the winner
If that is the only goal
Scored in the match;
Or, if you score more goals;
And your opponent doesn’t
Score like you;
You don’t celebrate victory
Until the match has ended;
Your opponent may score
The first goal
And the second goal
And third goal,
When you are still
On your lone goal;
Haven’t we seen this happen?
Take nothing for granted
When you play a match;
The winner is only known
At the end of the match;
Not before;
Things have appeared to be
Going wrong when they are
Going right;
And things have appeared to be
Going right when they are
Going wrong.
You always wait till the end
Before you concede defeat
Or celebrate victory.
If you start celebrating
When the match is still on,
You may make a fool of yourself;
Make no fool of yourself.

 

Motivational Thoughts

Filtered WATER Keeps US Far Away From DISEASES..,

And,

Filtered SPEECH Keeps US Far Away From SELF CREATED PROBLEMS…

Life is combination of adjustments and compromises.
You adjust when someone wants to be with you
and compromise when you want to be with someone.

Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimisim and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to turn a problem into opportunity for success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your dream.

Let a day not pass

Let a day not go by
Without you saying
Something nice
To someone;
Let a day not go by
Without you doing
Something good
To someone;
Let a day not go by
Without you giving
Something nice
To someone;
Let a day not go by
Without you getting
Something nice
From someone.
Let a day not pass
Without you sending
Something nice
On someone;
Let a day not pass
Without you offering
Something nice
To someone;
Let a day not pass.