Marriage Blues

Marriage Blues

Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway. Joey Adams

1.They lived happily until they got married

2.I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas.She said to me “nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace “So I bought her nothing.

3.Marriage is like a public toilet.Those waiting outside are desperate to get in.Those inside are desperate to get out. Stephanie Robinson

4.A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. Milton Berle

5.Women marry because they believe that he will change one day. Men marry because they believe she’ll never change. Both are mistaken.

6.The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

7.You should argue with your wife only when she’s not around.

8.A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

9.Love is blind, only marriage opens your eyes.

10.There are 2 times when a man doesn’t understand a woman – before marriage and after marriage.

11.A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”

12.The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Henny Youngman

13.Marriage is the main reason for divorce.

Ok my friends,the point I would like to ask is, why most of  these humor are one sided ?

Thank you

Philosophy Through Photography

credits-funnyjokes.com,onelinefun.com

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Friendship vs Love…which triumps ?

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It’s 2.2 minute read

“Sometimes,in life there really are bonds formed that can never be broken.

Sometimes you really can find that one person who will stand by you no matter what.

May be you will find it in a spouse and celebrate it with your dream wedding.

But there’s also the chance that the person you can count on for a life time, the person who knows you sometimes better than you know yourself, is the same person who’s been standing beside you all along”.      Bride wars

Let us see who triumphs at the end.

LOVE

L is the 12 th letter of alphabets

O is the 15 th letter of alphabets

V is the 22 nd letter of alphabets

E is the 05 th  letter  of alphabets

Total of Love is = 54.

FRIENDSHIP

F is the 06 th letter of alphabets

R is the 18 th letter of alphabets

I is the 09 th letter of alphabets

E is the 05 th letter of alphabets

N is the 14 th letter of alphabets

D is the 04 th letter of alphabets

S is the 19 th letter of alphabets

H is the 08 th letter of alphabets

I is the   09 th letter of alphabets

P is the 16 th letter of alphabets

Total of Friendship is = 108

Exactly twice of 54

So the FRIENDSHIP is twice the value of LOVE.

Do you agree ??

Now time for some fun

One day Love met Friendship.Love asked,why did you exist when I already exist?

Friendship replied..to put a smile where you’ve left tears.

And

“There are friends,there is family,And then there are friends that become family.”

What is your take ? Friendship or Love ? Check this link

Wife & Husband-can’t they be best friends for life ?

Thank you.

Philosophy Through Photography

Pixabay derivative,gapbagap.com,pinterest

Letter… from the Other Woman !!

In Love with a Married Man… an imaginary letter from the Lover to the Wife  (Written from the point of view of the “other woman”) !!

The deep understanding we share, the uninhibited laughter, the common interests – when was the last time you experienced any of that? Because if you can’t remember any of those feelings, surely you must forgive me.  You may have been married for 15 years, and I have been your husband’s lover for just six months. You have been to places together, created a home and raising children together. I admire your attention to your personal details – your job, your body shaping and beauty enhancements. You are passionate about cleanliness, endlessly exhorting house-maid to keep the washed plates on the right side of the platform and not inside the drawers. How do I know all these things?

Dear wife of my beloved lover!! If you think that you are so perfect and so is your marriage, well what is your husband doing with me in the first place? I respect the institution of marriage very much but I respect love more!!  I do not expect society to accept something as twisted as a love affair.

I understand that having an affair with a married man is not ‘ethically or morally right’, but is this right that the entire society, including you – blame only me? You accuse me of trapping and misguiding your husband. What is he, a child? He is grown up, married, mature.  If despite all this, he was drawn towards me and I did not resist, how come when it comes down to the verdict of the greatly ethical society or you – why it is only me who is wrong? Doesn’t a relationship involve two people?

Your husband, the man who does all your shopping, is the father of your children, who runs your house, fulfills all your and your family’s desires, who couriers the medicines that your ailing parents requires, and who loves me passionately too. What is stronger – 15 years of togetherness, or six months of  passion?

Do you ever look at him with the same passion as I do? Do you have any idea of the drowsy sensual late-night conversations we both have from our respective beds?  “I love you and I want you so badly,” he says. He adores the way I keep my hair natural, all in waves. He loves the way I stay away from all the gyms you go to, the diets you follow. He doesn’t intend to compare, but your obsession with keeping yourself fit and attractive and hence avoiding the crazy ways he wants to be intimate in –  turns him off. My carefree nature and cravings for his love bites makes him feel alive with lust and desire.

But do you think I can have it all?  No, I still want so much more. I envy you so much – not because you stay together in the same home and share everything.  But wanting to do the small day-to-day routine things with him – like smelling his body odour before tossing his clothes for washing, holding his hand at a social gathering, cooking for him on a weekend… things that you probably take for granted. I struggle to come to terms with the fact that he makes stringent efforts to keep me at a distance and fights the feelings that he has for me.

But dear lady, forgive me if you ever come to know about us.

I’m glad that you will never see this letter… You need not know that he texts me first thing in the morning and converses with me the last thing at night before he sleeps. Those are the tiny bits and pieces of him that I have and I have learned to live with them.

I love him and I love him like crazy, because he loves me back!  There was no reason for not loving him, he seemed to be perfect for me from the day we began a relationship. I could have stopped myself from getting closer to him knowing that he was married and had a family. But sometimes some things are just meant to happen… I went with my guts. Our small encounters grew into friendship, shared moments, work, pleasure, pain and a whole lot of travelling together. It was feeling very nice to meet him and know him better and closer. I became close to him; we shared a great bond and pulled off into a very close and friendly relationship (maybe a little more than friendship). Till then it was not a committed love, but it was not forgettable either.

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I anyway do not understand the massive hue and cry on relationships in this country. Isn’t it an organic thing – sometimes marriages work, sometimes they don’t? Why can’t we accept these things naturally and let go of the propaganda behind all this? As a society, we really need to let others be and concentrate on our lives.

Loyalty is great, love is greater and life is short. Let us live and let others live…

When a celebrity walks out of a decades old marriage to marry someone way younger or older – we accept that quite easily… Why does it become so difficult when similar things happen with people we know a little better?

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Sometimes a woman cannot resist temptation but having an affair with a married man is always risky…

But I promise, I’m not going to steal him away from you – because deep in my heart I know that he loves you, he respects you… maybe more than me… because you are his wife and will always be his better half !!   And yes, I love you too – since we both have a strong emotional connection, where we are mad for the same man… just differently… I am your friend – the Other Woman !!

Living Concepts…

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India is a country with different cultures,  I come from South where people are more cultured, who follow and believe rituals of the religion even more than their own life.

I am one among them but was attracted with wrong message of “live the life you wanted” and made attempts to escape from these beliefs and rituals.

I mentioned the term “escape” as I know if had been bold enough to be against it I would have saved my life, but in the attempt to escape from this I got trapped in the hands of the opportunist’s who took hold of my Innocence and vague thoughts for their own selfish motives

As my attempts were more towards escaping , every decision that I made were proven wrong starting from  choosing a wrong guy to marry, choosing a wrong course to study, choosing a wrong property, choosing a wrong car, choosing a wrong city and what else couldn’t have happened….all wrong’s happened to me only; just because I choose to “live the life I wanted”

Now all of a sudden when I realized this is not what I really wanted to do. Except for marriage I was able to reverse everything.  After a long analysis , I wanted to start living my life with the guy whom I married and showed that he loved me and made me believe so….  So you see A simple concept of  am I “living my life”  would have saved my life.

Although I can find many excuses to get away from problem, when one day you really have a good life,  things you created would have been would be the ones that were pushed to you and you may really not need them in life…

Everything is a seed of good thoughts in mind ,  so don’t try to ever escape from where you are and try to develop yourself to grow in all aspects.

Happy that I did realize this in my young age and will fix it before I am in need to escape again…. So I am now “Living My Life”

This is the world of opportunists , so don’t be fooled when one says “live the life you wanted”  always keep in mind “living my life” is different from “live the life you wanted”.

Family Quarrel

family quarrel
No family is perfect ! We argue,we fight,we even stop talking to each other at times,but in the end family is family….the love will always be there. quoteslover.com
Definition :To quarrel is to fight — but usually not physically. Quarreling is a fact of life, occurring between the best of friends, in the happiest of marriages, and between parents and their children. vocabulary.com It is a disagreement about something. Why we quarrel in the very first place ? Somewhere I read ( I am not able to recollect the source) what is known as BIG 5 causing friction, leading to argument. 1.Money, 2.sex, 3.raising kids, 4.in-laws and 5.house/office work.Of course one can broaden the BIG 5 into various sub-classes. Disagreement can lead from just anger to outburst of pent-up feelings. The quarrels can stretch from very few initially to increased frequency over the time. The reasons can be from silly to far serious issues. The whole problem is because none is willing to admit their mistakes, continue the arguments,even competing with each other, with ego factor playing an active role. Whenever there is dispute remember,
“Family problems come in all sizes and shapes.Some are short-lived,easily managed,while others are more chronic and difficult to handle” unknown
What I am trying to tell is that it takes time to deal the problems and one must be patient.One must realize that,
“Families and their problems go on and they are not solved….they are dealt with”. Roger Ebert,
When we are friendly with the entire world ( don’t say…. this is because of survival instinct ),why can’t we show same friendliness to our family members? You know the old adage
“You can choose the friends,but you can’t choose the family”
In other words,since blood is thicker than water, all the more you can’t afford to quarrel with your family members.Why don’t you compliment the other for the good things in them How best to avoid family quarrels ? Some tips which I think,can help! ( My 12 commandments ) 1.Stay calm in spite of the urge to respond angrily.Never raise your voice. 2.Be a good listener. 3.Reduce your emotional scale to zero. 4.Let there not be communication gap.Make it clear as to what the other person is saying and meaning. 5.Impress the other person,what actually you meant or intended to do. 6.Never bring the past or unrelated issues. 7.Try to solve the problem and not to win the argument. 8.Put yourself in the others shoes. 9.Don’t stockpile your issues and vent at a stretch irrelevantly. 10.forget & forgive 11.Take it easy. 12.Have faith in the Lord.
“Problems are like washing machines,they twist us,spin us,knock us around but in the end,we come out cleaner,brighter and better than before” – unknown
What are your thoughts ? Thank you.   Philosophy through photography image credits-pixabay, -quoteswiseoldsayings.com

It has always been you and it will always be you….

Loyalty
“When you get married, your loyalty, first and foremost, is to your spouse, and to the family that you create together.”                                                                                                                         – Phil McGraw, quoteambition.co
When you feel that every person in this world has deserted you, You are never truly alone, I am still there for you Take a moment,right here ,right now, and thank them for that No mater how bad your day is, there is always a happy face waiting for you to get home. ‘unknown’ Thank you.   Philosophy through photography

Love is scarce- Really ?

Love is scarce- Really ?

Only thing we never get enough of is love; and the only thing we never give enough of is love.

― Henry Miller

Why this happens ?

We all  think that, Love means romance.But it is not so. There are 7 types of love.
  1. Storge- Familial love
  2. Phila-friendship ( shared goodwill)
  3. Eros-Sexual or passionate love
  4. Agape-Universal love ( unconditional love)
  5. Ludus-Playful or uncommitted love
  6. Pragma- Long term love ( married people)
  7. Philautia-self love ( healthy or unhealthy)
source Psychologytoday.com, Quora) My discussion is limited to the married couple.

Think for a second.

Can you tell  the difference between ‘school and life‘ ?
” In school you are taught a lesson and then given a test.   In life,you are given a test,that teaches you the lesson” Tom Bodett
So what I am trying to tell is Life gives an opportunity to learn lessons  from our experience, in this situation….. day-to-day problems faced by the couple,thus giving them an opportunity, making them more accommodating,understanding and helpful to each other. Thus we can become wiser by experiencing these experiences. But here is the hitch. The problem comes in the unknown form of ‘E G O  nullifying all the benefits of life’s lessons,which we learn over the course of time. Why can’t we make an attempt to look into this ? Why can not we prevent this devil before it strikes us ? When we are able to manage life style diseases with sugar-free,fat-free,salt free,gluten-free etc. etc…why can’t we give a try for Ego- free ?

The only way to achieve peace and harmony is becoming ‘EGO LESS’,

and this should be the  ultimate outcome of your life’s lessons,if you are willing to learn.

Another aspect is ,to be able to differentiate, the difference between love & Possession.Don’t think ,just because you love the person…you got right to possess the person.( as if the person is a property) Remember love is selfless,coming from the bottom of the heart with total dedication,sincerity and commitment to lead a supportive life together.

And so…..

We make our life miserable because we never make an attempt to understand the full potential of true love,and thus we make ‘love’ scarce in spite of itabundance. True Love gives you, the real experience of what all you dream and Ego gives you, all the heartache. Thank you.   Philosophy through photography
“A flower cannot blossom without sunshine, and man cannot live without love”. – Max Muller

Are you ‘the’ Difficult Spouse?

Are you the difficult spouse?
Real relationships are not perfect and perfect relationships are not real !!
If you are a wife or husband and many occasions you realize , you are disappointed because of the other…..and think the other is the ‘difficult spouse’…. then this article is for you.I am thankful to you if you feel  the article is resonating with your thoughts and is helpful. There are two types of marriages.( Marriages are made in heaven.Is itn’t ?) Love marriage Arranged marriage ( In most of the eastern countries ) Irrespective of the type of marriage,both the man and the woman of his love have to adjust with each other in order to be compatible. In fact, post marriage life is full of challenges and it exposes the couple to myriads of issues. But we all know the truth.One day or other both the man & the woman have to face unpleasant situation of opposing & different opinions and views, in matters of their day-to-day ‘living together’ The reality of the so-called colorful future has to show its fangs,since it is waiting to strike first ! Once the misunderstanding happens and prolongs….There are two options available 1.You decided you are not going to adjust at all…then Apply for divorce and probably matter can come to end to the mutual satisfaction,and thus ending the very discussion I am trying to make. 2.If the above choice is not the option due to so many other pressing matters,( which is a bit lengthy topic, for some other time discussion )and you both have to live together,and you have to go along with the spouse, thus making the ‘misunderstanding part’ useless and even unnecessary. Why to quarrel at all in the first place ? Now it’s time to think. 1.Realize that ‘ married happily ever after ‘ is an illusion ( Maya ) 2.Understand that Wife & Husband belong to the same team and they have to work together for the success of their married life “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up”. Ecclesiastes4.9-10 3.We often hurt our spouse knowingly or unknowingly.Do you know the solution ? Ask for ‘forgiveness’ whole heartedly. 4.When Anger or Helplessness happens to one of you…just take a deep breath and allow the heated moment to pass.Don’t forget.. time’s the greatest healer. 5.Remember marriage is a vow,before God.

Now it’s time to put the following into action.

Don’t allow discord to remain ,not more than one minute,and your anger not more than a second. Don’t be bossy and do not take one another for granted. Respect individual feelings & make mutual adjustments Make sincere effort to avoid jealousy and Ego & revenge,be the first to make the other win the argument.( small trick I tell you…remember whoever does most talking is the one at fault ) Don’t deprive each other of your needs just to take the revenge Keep communicating,by which I mean try to find where exactly things are going wrong. Constantly tell to yourself…. Forget & forgive, I can go also wrong, live & let live, let us make best,out of the difficult situation, I trust you.

Finally

A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers – Robert Quillen A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.-yourtango.com A marriage is a like a house. When a light bulb goes out, you do not go and buy a new house, you fix the light bulb. Happy Wives Club Marriage is meant to keep people together, not just when things are good, but particularly when they are not. That’s why we take marriage vows, not wishes. Ngina Otiende I asked an old man “which is more important? To love or to be loved?” Old man replied “which is more important to a bird, the left wing or the right wing? – MarriageHumor, Instagram Which quote you liked most ?

Any thoughts on how not to be the Difficult Spouse ? What is your experience with your better half so far ?

Thank you.   Philosophy through photography Pixabay,Curiano.com