The Relevance of Man

On this Father’s Day, I ponder the relevance of the first man on earth and the ancestral father of humankind. Through Adam’s transgression, sin entered the human race. We should be angry with him because his disobedience brought death to humanity and separated us from God. But even with this rough beginning, Adam still shared a close relationship with the Lord. He set the stage for many future generations of fathers.

Image courtesy of Sweet Publishing/FreeBibleImages.org

The relevance of Adam is great, for the Lord taught to him how to be a father, husband, and leader. Men, today, have lost many of his attributes through the centuries, but let’s review some of those original traits.

He was to become “one flesh” with his wife, always loving, respecting and praising her. God asked Adam to honor Eve as the weaker vessel.

Adam was responsible to guide his family in God’s ways by leading his family in prayer and worship. He was to be the head of the family, just as Christ is the head of the church.

The Lord demanded him always to work hard and keep a job to benefit his wife and children. If Adam could not provide for his family, he would deny his faith. (1 Timothy 5:8)

God asked Adam to be strong and courageous, as His presence would always be with him.

Adam was to raise wise, disciplined children while showing them compassion. He was to teach them about the Lord and the importance of following His instructions.

If Adam stayed righteous in integrity, God would bless his children. (Proverbs 20:7) It was crucial to be accountable and honorable.

Image courtesy of Sweet Publishing/FreeBibleImages.org

The Bible speaks to all people – whether men or women. However, Galatians 3:28 spoke to me: “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” I hope liberated women will not misinterpret this verse for “man,” alone, was anointed by God with an exceptional title – the Body of Christ. Created in the image of the Lord, the Christian male stands tall and proud, just as Adam, before his family and God. He carries the weight of his loved ones on his shoulders while also following the Lord’s footsteps.

To all fathers, you are so cherished and loved for helping to build the Kingdom of God. It doesn’t matter if you have natural born children or stepchildren; your guidance could ultimately lead a child to the Lord. What fantastic recognition, fathers… you are God’s perfect creation!

Written by Anne Bicks, Editor of Bicks Books LLC

Image courtesy of Pinterest

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Make marriage work

Marriage is super complex;
Though, it can be thrilling;
You can make it sweet;
If you don’t fold your arms
And wait for it to work,
You deceive yourself;
It’s really difficult;
Like the stone cutters job;
If you keep hammering,
You will shatter the rock;
There are tools to use;
To make success easy;
Communication tops the list;
You have to dialogue;
Talk to each other;
Talk with an open mind;
But don’t only talk,
You also have to listen;
And listen attentively;
With an open heart as well;
Choose words with care;
And be the first to love;
Make your relatiobship a priority;
And speak to your spouse
In their language of love;
To actually guarantee success,
Put God at the center;
Make him your senior partner;
And after you have done all,
Let patience play its part.

She still loves me

I thought all was gone;
That I was now alone;
Just to realize
How wrong I was;
She still loves me;
Why not even more?
I had closed eyes;
And so couldn’t see.
A cluttered mind also;
She maybe distracted;
But who’s perfect?
Truth is,
She still loves me.
That’s the bottom line;
And I love her too.
Actually, to be honest,
She’s all I have.
I am overjoyed;
She still loves me.
My best companion.

Some important ifs of marriage

Some important ifs of marriage

  1. If you take your spouse for granted,
  2. If you get angry with your spouse for minute things,
  3. If you are always finding something wrong in the things your spouse does,
  4. If you blame your spouse for everything that goes wrong;
  5. If you are always criticizing your spouse,
  6. If you find it hard to appreciate the many good things your spouse does to you daily,
  7. If you never say ” I am sorry” when you hurt your spouse,
  8. If you are extravagant,
  9. If you do not care how your spouse feels,
  10. If you do not respect your spouse,
  11. If you talk carelessly to your spouse, especially using hurting words,
  12. If you do not love your spouse,
  13. If you do not show concern about the welfare of your spouse,

You can trust that your marriage will face difficulties.

For your marriage to be happy, look at these points and see what you can do about them.

Never forget that success in marriage does not come on its own. It is the result of hard work; doing the things that must be done, and avoiding the things that should not be done.

Know the things that should be done and do them.

Know the things that should not be done and avoid them.

How romantic are you?

What do you know about romance in marriage?

How romantic are you?

People, generally, have a very wrong understanding of the word romance or being a romantic person. Being romantic is not a bad thing. If you are married and are not romantic, I can bet you that your marriage will be dull. Your spouse will not be excited about you because nothing in you will excite him/her. You will enjoy a romantic spouse more than a non romantic one.

If you see a dull marriage or a marriage that is experiencing problems, don’t rush to conclude that it is because the spouses don’t love each other. It may rather be that the spouses are not romantic and so there is no romance in their marriage.

The truth is many people don’t know how to bring romance into their marriage.

At times, one spouse will make an effort to bring in romance, but the other one will not respond.

Love and romance make marriage very exciting.

Love and romance can make you look like perfect partners.

Love and romance will make you an admirable couple.

If you compete with your spouse instead of cooperating, you will find it hard to have romance in your marriage.

Modern communication technology has made romance very easy to those who know how to take advantage of it.

Romance comes naturally to some people but not to all.

Many people are not ready to put in the time and effort to have romance in their marriage.

We need to learn to have romance in our marriage.

Remember that romance merely means the way you express your love for your spouse.

It is necessary because it keeps your love alive, fresh and exciting.

To enhance romance and intimacy, someone has come up with a plan he calls a passion plan.

The plan says you should spend:

  1. 15 seconds a day
  2. 15 minutes, 5 days a week
  3. 1.5 hours a week
  4. Another 1.5 hrs. a week.

He explains that you kiss your spouse at least for 15 seconds daily, take 15 minutes at least 5 days a week to connect and talk with your spouse.

Spend quality time with your spouse for st least 1.5 hours a week.

Have sexual intimacy of 1.5 hours a week.

I hope you find time to follow this passion plan. It is worth while.

We are not done with this topic. More is ahead.

13 ways to put romance in your marriage

At the start of most marriages, there is a lot of excitement. Nothing else matters to the couple but the two of them.

Then as time goes on, as they live together, things gradually change; differences start to surface; excitement starts to fade, the strong love that burned in their hearts starts to disappear.

Nobody wants their marriage to go this way. Everybody wants passion. Everybody wants their relationship to be hot and arousing.

What makes a relationship hot and arousing?

It is romance.

What is romance?

Romance is the way you and your spouse express your love for each other.

What does romance do to your marriage?

Romance keeps your love alive, fresh and exciting.

How do you get romance in your marriage?

I will give you thirteen ways to put romance in your marriage or to bring it back if it has disappeared.

If they help you, please, share.

Is the fire of love in your marriage still burning?

Dearest friend, if you are married, this post is specifically for you. However, if you are not married, don’t stop reading. It will still be very useful to you on two counts:

  1. It will help you tomorrow if you become married.
  2. You can use it to help someone who is married and whose marriage has lost steam.

We are talking here about rekindling steam in your marriage; reigniting romance in your marriage; refueling the fire of love to keep burning in your marriage. I have two questions for you:

  1. How hot is the fire of love in your relationship?
  2. At this moment, are you stronger or weaker in your marital love?

Marriage is a relationship. Every relationship has its ups and downs, agreements and disagreements, good days and bad days.

When two people from different backgrounds come together as husband and wife, no one can expect them to have the same ideas, the same feelings and the same expectations. Don’t expect them to think and act the same way. There will always be differences.

Some differences may affect your marriage in a big way. Others may affect it in a small way.

Some marriages have big problems which are hard to solve. Others have small problems which may just make the marriage stale or no longer interesting. In which case, the excitement in it has burnt out.

Perhaps, the excitement that was very strong in your marriage at the start has disappeared or has faded.

If that is the case, you have to bring it back. If you are no longer having the fun that you used to have, bring it back. Your marriage needs fun. In fact, your marriage should be fun. Marriage is meant to be fun; to be enjoyed.

Marriage is not supposed to bring you misery; to make you unhappy. You got married to be happy.

However, don’t expect happiness to come on its own just because you are married. It will not come unless you work for it. Here are a few realities about marriage to take note of:

  1. You have to work every day for happiness to be in your marriage.
  2. It’s the same like you have to work everyday to succeed in your marriage.
  3. If you stop working for success, success will turn its back on you and failure will invade you.
  4. If you stop working for happiness in your marriage, happiness will turn its back on you and sadness will take over control.
  5. In life, success and happiness behave like a woman.
  6. You have to woo a woman before you win her.
  7. You must woo success and happiness, and actually run after it before you get it.
  8. Failure, on the other hand, doesn’t wait to be invited. It comes on its own except you stop it with firmness.

If the thrill that you had in you marriage just when you got married has disappeared, make sure you bring it back.

In the next series of posts on marriage, I would like that together we see how we can rekindle romance in our marriage. How can we bring back that original joy that we had? How can we make our love burn again like fire?

Join me in the next posts on marriage. And if you like what you read here, do well to share the link. Thanks!

Know your spouse

Know your spouse;
Know your husband;
Know your wife;
If you don’t know your wife,
How can you love her?
If you don’t understand your wife,
How can you both get on well?
Know your spouse,
That is the doorway to love.

Know your spouse,
Know your husband;
Know your wife;
If you don’t know your husband,
How can you love him?
If you don’t understand him,
How can you both get on well?
Know your spouse,
That is the doorway to love.

Are you sure you know your spouse?

I like to talk about marriage. I like to see couples living happily.

How well or how deeply do you know your spouse? You may think you know your spouse when your knowledge is only superficial. Your knowledge of your spouse is like scratching at the surface as fowls do to search the ground for worms. They don’t dig deep.i

To make a comparison with fishing, I can say perhaps you have not dipped your net deep like the fishermen in the Bible to know and understand your spouse. Will it be surprising if at the end of the day, your net is empty?

There are tools that couples use to know themselves better, understand each other better, and relate better, thus succeeding in marriage.

Anyone who follows my writings on marriage closely will recall that once I posted something on a Marriage Encounter Week End.

Many people do not know about Marriage Encounter Week ends; and when they hear about it for the first time, one question which usually comes to their minds: who or what does one encounter at the week end?

That was the same question I asked before I became encountered.

This question was answered during the weekend. I got to understand the encounter concept and found it so beautiful.

Let me answer this question for you. Who or what do you encounter when you go for a Marriage Encounter Week End?

At a Marriage Encounter Week end, the first person you encounter is yourself.

If you have never done a week end, then most probably you have never really encountered yourself.

If you have never encountered yourself, it means you do not really know yourself. In other words, you have never really gotten in touch with your feelings.

And if you are not in touch with your feelings, it means you are living superficially without knowing your own self; without knowing why you feel the way you feel about certain situations, and act the way you act.

We, humans need to know ourselves and accept who we are. This starts with knowing who we are.

We are a whole bunch of things determined by our physical constitution, our sex, education, background, which we also call filters, our environment etc.

During a Marriage Encounter Week End, we are helped to know who we are. This includes knowing our strengths and weaknesses, our doubts, fears, worries etc.

When we know all these, that knowledge helps us in our dealings with others.

Hence, the first person you encounter during an Original Week End is yourself.

The next person you encounter is your spouse.

As husband and wife, you know yourselves better when you encounter each other. You know your spouse’s likes and dislikes, personality style, and what makes your spouse react in a certain way to certain situations.

When you know all this, you understand your spouse better. You understand that your spouse’s reaction may be the result of your spouse’s filters or personality style.

This is very precious knowledge that you will hardly get from marriage doctrine.

You can see that the word encounter should not scare anybody. It is not a violent encounter as a physical confrontation in a fight or in a football match where physical force is required. It is a gradual, loving, pleasurable discovery of who we are, and who our spouse is.

The third person you encounter at a week end is Jesus Christ. You come face to face with Jesus Christ, and understand the role that he has to play in your life firstly as and individual, and secondly as a couple.

You also encounter the sacrament of matrimony. You understand the real meaning of the sacrament of Matrimony.

What does it mean when you get married in Church? It means Christ is in that relationship. It means Christ is available at all times to help you in your relationship. It means Christ is journeying with you as a couple. You are not just husband and wife but husband, wife and Christ. You are three in one. This is so good. If there is a problem, you don’t have to try to handle it with your spouse alone. All three of you have to sit down together and look at it. You have to run to Christ every now and then, in fact, permanently.

During the week end you are taught a technique to get Christ ever present in your relationship so that even the children you give birth to are rooted in Christ.

From this you can draw a conclusion about why some children are wayward. Sometimes, it starts right at conception. The parents do not put Christ at the center at the time they are looking for a baby.

We are supposed to decide with Christ through prayer that we want a baby; that it is time to have a baby. Then we go looking for the baby with him through prayer. We do not go on our own.

If we bring Christ in at the very beginning, the child we get will grow up to know Christ and bear the light of Christ.

If some children go on to become priests, or religious, it is because their parents got Christ fully involved in the decision to bring them into the world, and continued to journey with Christ to bring them up. It is usually not by accident. Of course, some do encounter Christ late but most are people whose parents encountered Christ and helped their children early enough to encounter Christ as well.

Another level of encounter during the week end is for priests and religious who attend the weekend.

A lot of people often wonder what this category of people go to a week end for. Let us not forget that Priests and religious are also married to the greatest spouse, Jesus Christ. During the weekend, they first Encounter their self and then encounter Jesus Christ, their own spouse. If there are two priests at the weekend, they Encounter each other. This means they try to understand each other. Priests and religious live in communities and it is not an easy thing. If you Encounter yourself and know what motivates your behaviour and other priests’ behavior, it will be easier to live together.

The priesthood can also be very lonely. But encountered priests are not lonely because they have encountered couples to journey with. They understand what motivates certain behaviours and share the same values like encountered couples and have the tools to maintain healthy relationships with couples. This does not say that there is perfection. Not at all! There is room for human weakness. The bottom line is encountered priests and religious do very well with encountered couples.

In Marriage Encounter, you Encounter yourself, your spouse and Jesus Christ. Priests encounter themselves, fellow Priests and their spouse Jesus Christ; and the Christians they are called upon to serve.

Religious Encounter themselves, their fellow religious, (male/male; female/female).

The goal of a M.E. Week End is to make you know yourself, know your spouse and know Jesus Christ. This enhances love, understanding, tolerance, and working together for success in marriage and in their lives.

15 reasons many marriages fail

You may be surprised to hear that many marriages fail. That is true. Many marriages fail.

Do you know why?

Let me give you 15 reasons why many marriages fail:

  1. Rushing into marriage. Many young people rush into marriage when they do not know each other.
  2. Lack of knowledge of what marriage means: they do not know that in marriage there is permanence and commitment.
  3. Different cultural backgrounds: Marrying someone from a different background can lead to failure.
  4. Different church: Marrying someone from a different church.
  5. Financial problems: finances are a great source of problems between couples.
  6. Having no children: this causes problems in marriages.
  7. Violence
  8. Having a hidden agenda.
  9. Laziness
  10. Infidelity
  11. Divorce mentality.
  12. Irresponsible attitude.
  13. Coming from a broken home.
  14. Wanting an easy life.
  15. Selfishness

Do you know another reason why marriages fail? Please, share. Sharing is loving.