Let’s look into the issue of couples who always quarrel

How is your relationship with your spouse at this moment?

Is it excellent? Cordial? Manageable? Or hostile?

There are couples whose relationship at this moment is very good. They are on very good terms. Current is flowing between them.

There are others whose relationship is at its lowest ebb. They don’t want to catch each other with the eyes. They are not on good terms.

Do you know what can happen when a man and his wife are not on good terms?

A lot can go wrong.

Much has gone wrong for many couples for this reason.

Many families have experienced untold suffering just because husband and wife were not getting on well.

Many people leave their homes in the morning feeling sad; carrying long faces, unable to smile.

They stay in that mood all day at work, and go back home in the evening with the same low spirits.

Go to investigate and you will discover that they, husband and husband, were at loggerheads before one or both of them left the house.

It may simply be that food money was not given. It may be there was a careless exchange of bitter words. It could be some external influence.

It is very easy for someone to run into an accident just because the person left the house quarreling with the spouse.

If you are angry when you drive it can be risky. You can easily hit somebody or another vehicle hits you; or you run into a ditch.

When couples quarrel, they must quickly get over it. No one says couples can go completely without quarrelling, but don’t quarrel and let it go for too long.

There are many men who have left home and gone drinking carelessly because they quarrelled with their wife and did not reconcile.

Look at the dangers to which he is exposed: he is exposed to being poisoned; he can drink and get drunk and run into one kind of trouble or another; he can be robbed, beaten and even killed, etc,.

These are things that have happened. It is very dangerous when a man and his wife are always quarreling. Their lives are not safe.

A lot of spouses fall prey to temptation to cheat on the other when they are always on bad terms.

When some people see you looking sad , they like to take advantage. Some will give you misleading advice which will worsen matters for you.

You may find your husband’s friend who is very friendly and sympathetic, but the next minute, he will be wanting to date you.

Unfortunate! Instead of helping you in trouble, he wants to sink you further into the sea.

Women are no better. A woman will know that you have problems with your spouse and pretend to be showing sympathy. The next minute, she will invite you home. Soon, she will want you to leave your wife and marry her.

A couple that is always at loggerheads, hardly progresses as they should. Frequent quarrels retard progress.

How can they progress when each person will not be ready to sit down and discuss with the other? Sitting and planning together requires that the couple understands each other; that they work in harmony; in synergy. And working in synergy as couple generates tremendous power.

You must avoid frequent quarrels with your spouse. If you quarrel often, one person or both of you could die easily as a result.

It is true that human beings are not God, and not even angels or saints. You must from time to time have some misunderstanding; but quickly resolve the differences. Do not let it go on for ever. Do not go to bed with an unresolved quarrel with your spouse.

Bear in mind that couples that are always at loggerheads are very likely to end up in tears

Marital violence is an enemy to marriage

When I was growing up, I used to see couples exchanging blows. That did not go down well with me.

I don’t like when husband and wife fight. But many do.

That is what we call domestic violence. You can also call it marital violence.

Do you know couples who fight?

Tell me what you feel about them.

Fighting destroys the joy of marriage.

You didn’t marry each other to be fighting. Or is that part of your agenda as a couple?

If you love your spouse, and your spouse loves you, don’t fight. If you have been fighting. Please, stop it.

It is shameful for a couple to fight. I think it is also a disgrace.

Imagine a man and his wife fighting!

It is worse when husband and wife make a public show of their physical battles ; which is exactly what many couples do.

I know you may feel bad that I am saying this particularly if you are guilty of fighting with your spouse.

But mind you that my intention is not to humiliate or hurt anybody. It is to encourage all of us to desist from action that can be ruinous to our marriage and family.

Do you know?

Truth be spoken. Fighting is not for couples who have educated minds.

Marital fighting, or domestic violence or marital violence, whichever you choose to call it, is not to be encouraged. It can destroy your marriage before you blink.

And often, people make one big mistake. They think that only wives suffer from domestic violence. That is not true. Men are also victims of domestic violence.

That is not even the issue. The issue is domestic violence is a dirty game. Domestic violence is evil. Domestic violence destroys marriage.

Couples should stay off domestic violence. They should not promote domestic violence.

If you have been promoting domestic violence in your home, I hope you grow up and stop it.

A respectable man and a respectable woman should not be seen or known to be exchanging blows or even just words or rubbing their backs in mud as two angry kids.

Verbal violence

I hope no one goes away from here thinking that domestic or marital violence is limited to fighting.

There is verbal domestic violence as well. When you speak aggressively to your spouse, that is violence.

Threatening your spouse, using insulting or abusive language. In short, when tempers flare up and there is an exchange of words, that is violence.

Other forms of violence

There are many other forms that we don’t need to go into details here. But we can mention silence, ignoring your spouse, refusing to give money, locking your spouse out of the room etc.

Children are also victims

To come back to the victims, at times, the children sufferer more than their parents. And the negative impact may remain with them for many years. It should not surprise you if such children grow up to be violent to their own spouses.

Exchanging words and fighting at home is a very bad example that some parents teach their children.

(To be continued)

A great gift from God to humanity through the Church to enrich marriage

If you have not tasted the gift about which I talk here, you may wonder what I will be talking about in this post.

I want to talk about one of God’s greatest gifts to humanity I have come across.

I think we cannot thank God enough for this awesome gift.

Let me explain:

In the year 2005, my spouse and I spent a week end in March in a pastoral Center alongside other couples. It had been hard for me though, to be persuaded to accept the invitation. I didn’t see what good could come out of it because it was about helping us to succeed in our marriage. I had been educating people quite a good deal on marriage on radio as a broadcaster, having read many books on the subject. Hence, in my shower of pride, I considered myself an expert on marriage and should have been invited to teach rather than to learn. Invitations had been served to me for a little more than five years and I started considering anyone who made mention of it a nuisance.

It so happened that in that year 2005, we moved into a new home and met with new neighbours who also newly moved in.

One evening, they visited us as a couple to tender to us an invitation. They were kind and friendly and we could see their desire to get a “yes” from us.

To please our new neighbours and strengthen our already so good relationship, we conceded.

That week end turned out to be an amazing blessing to us. We had had a calm and peaceful marriage quite, but a full taste of marriage came only during that week end. It was a transforming experience. Humility supplanted pride in me.

Before the week end was over, I felt so motivated that it was like I should go to town and invite every couple to attend the next week end.

And in fact, together with the other couples and other couples who had had the experience before us, we got to the field and invited couples. The next week end saw an unprecedented number of couples in attendance. Hence, it was named the Fertility Batch. Ours was named The Triumphant Batch, like the triumphant entry of Jesus into Jerusalem.

That week end, I should have told you, was organized by the worldwide marriage movement called Marriage Encounter.

I consider this movement, whose full name is Worldwide Marriage Encounter Movement, as one of God’s greatest gifts to humanity through the Church.

God who instituted marriage has not left humanity in darkness about how to live this institution.

In the Catholic Church, marriage is a Sacrament. And Marriage Encounter gives all the tools to make it a joy.

Although I had been very interested in sharing ideas to assist couples to be successful in marriage, my interest skyrocketed after my weekend. In Marriage Encounter jargon, that first weekend is called a Marriage Encounter Original Week End.

If you have not had the opportunity to enjoy the unique experience of a Marriage Encounter Week End, scout for where it may be organized in your locality and attend. Later you can thank me.

If you are an encountered person reading this (anyone who has attended a week end is said to be encountered), you may like to share how you felt at the end of the week end.

How has it impacted your marriage?

What do you say to those who have not attended the weekend?

It is pleasing to note that Worldwide Marriage Encounter Week ends are not reserved for Catholics. There is no religious discrimination. Whatever your religion , you will find the tools and tips beneficial to you.

And it is not for married couples only. Bishops Priests, pastors and religious also attend.

You know marriage is the foundation on which society is built. A good world can only come if we build good marriages that will create good families and good communities.

Let us work together to share the tools that make marriage a joy to all couples in the world.

Wrong reading that collapsed a marriage

When you read the writing on the wall in your marriage wrongly, as often some people do, your marriage can run into trouble. It could land in the Atlantic ocean.

In marriage, learn to read what has been written on the wall not what you wish were written or what you think has been written.

Let me explain with an example of what I am talking about – wrong interpretation.

Ludi and Ella got married thirty years ago. Ludi is the husband. Ella, the wife.

They were mad in love when they got married.

Ludi was Ella’s hero, and Ella was Ludi’s Queen.

You would not see one of them without the other. They were both energetic and lived their marriage to the full.

God blessed them with four bustling kids. They were both over joyed and thankful to God.

To everybody in the vicinity, this was an ideal couple. Many couples admired them; some envied them.

I was close to them and admired them too. Then I moved out of town. When I returned five years later , I was shocked.

Ludi and Ella had divorced. Unbelievable, but true. Imagine! After thirty years of marriage.

Twenty nine of those years were the best years of their lives. But during the thirtieth year , things changed dramatically.

What happened?

Somebody failed to read the writing on the wall. Or, somebody read the writing on the wall wrongly.

Ludi did not take into consideration that as years fly by, age takes a toll on us. We no longer can offer our services as we did when we were young.

Ella got tired faster than before and more tired too.

Why shouldn’t she? She did all the house chores. The cooking, the cleaning, the washing. Don’t talk of taking care of the children. And that was so demanding. What of taking care of her husband? She did. Were there financial worries? Of course. yes! And focusing on all of those things left her sapped of energy.

You cannot have what’s been drained. She could no longer satisfy his sexual instincts.

So clearly, it was written on the wall; but in a language not all understood. She didn’t have another man, she had the same man; and loved him much more.

But, how unfortunate that things happened as they did!

The language on the wall was not read. The language on the wall was wrongly read.

Your marriage will be in jeopardy if you read the messages that it generates wrongly. You must be careful. What it looks may not be what it is.

What it is may not be what it is. Often suspicion and jealousy blind our eyes and we see one thing but read another.

For your marriage to succeed, learn to read the writing on the wall correctly.

How to resolve marital conflict reported to you

What will you do if somebody with a marital problem reports it to you?

Many people handle the marital problems brought to them so badly that they instead aggravate the situation.

There is always the temptation to go into the conflict and try to get who is wrong. This is a dangerous road. Each of the couples is expecting you to put the blame for the conflict on the other person. If you do that you will only complicate the problem.

That is why I think it useful to discuss and share experiences and approaches.

If some body reports their marital problem to you, that will mean the person sees you as someone with the potential to solve it.

This will be a mark of confidence which should make you happy.

And if someone has confidence in you that you can solve their problem, do not disappoint them.

It is not easy to solve a problem between a couple. Marital problems are usually delicate; and demand a lot of care and wisdom.

Let me share what I do when somebody reports their marital problem to me. How I usually handle such problems could be a source of inspiration to you.

The first thing I do when a couple comes to me to handle their marital problem is to pray within them.

Praying with them brings God into the picture. And that is a signal to them that God has to be number one in their marriage.

Please, don’t skip this point. It is absolutely important.

After praying, I tell them why we started with a prayer. I tell them prayer is the master key; that prayer has to be at the center of their marriage; that God never fails those who put their trust in him.

I tell them of my confidence that with the prayer, God would grant us the grace to find a solution to their problem.

Next, I will tell them about marriage and marital problems. I will tell them that problems are part and parcel of every marriage; that there is no marriage that is problem free; that even those couples that look as if they were perfect were having their own problems.

I will tell them the difference between the couple that succeeds and the one that fails, which is the way they handle their problems.

I will tell them sometimes a couple will have a very serious problem and because of the way they handle it, they will solve it and their relationship will become even stronger. Another couple will have just a minute problem and because of the poor way of handling it, it will shatter their marriage.

Hence, it is not the seriousness of the problem that matters, but how well it is handled.

The next thing is I will tell them what marriage means; that when a man and a woman come together, they are no longer two but one; which means they have to act like one. The pronoun “I” is replaced by “we”. Each person no longer looks at things from the point of view of “I” but “we”.

I will tell them that if you are married and continue to look at things only from your point of view, it will mean you have a selfish heart; with a selfish heart you cannot make a good spouse. For a marriage to succeed, each couple has to be selfless and not selfish to the other person.

I will invite them to be open during the discussion so that the best solution can be found to their problem.

I will tell them that what God has put together, no one has the right to put asunder; and this includes them. They have no right according to God’s plan, to tear their marriage apart.

That God never makes a mistake to bring two people together;

That before putting them together, he knew they were the best for each other.

Hence, nobody in this world can be as good for them as each other.

I will tell them the devil is very cunning. He doesn’t like to see a good thing and so each time he sees a good thing, he will look for a way to poison people’s minds against it so as to destroy it.

Then I will invite them to open their minds and hearts to each other so as to resolve the conflict and move forward as a couple.

I will tell them that the devil is not happy when he sees husband and wife reconciling after a quarrel or misunderstanding.

I will tell them not to give the devil a chance to succeed; that one tool the devil uses is pride. He will fill your heart and mind with it so that you don’t listen to your spouse; so that you think that listening to your spouse is like conceding defeat; so that you remain uncompromising.

I will tell them that they should take the responsible decision to resolve their misunderstanding; that people who have a conflict and do not resolve it are irresponsible and cowards.

After taking the decision to work things out, they should forgive each other, then very sincerely look at the problem and see what solution they can bring to it.

I will tell them it will not be easy; but if they are committed and bring God into it as their senior partner, they will get the right answer.

I will ask that if they really like their problem solved, they should fully open up and be fair to each other.

At this point, I will say a very special prayer for them.

By this time. I think they should be feeling better about each other which and better ready to find a lasting solution to their problem.

I see people who are called to help a couple resolve their conflict doing the opposite.

What you need most is to get them into a state of mind and heart to solve their problem.

Once you get them into this state, you can thank God. But if you immediately jump to let each one pour out their bitterness, you will get a good dose of them, but which will only lead you to a dead end.

After preparing the field this way, I will them offer them the chance to speak. But I will caution them against hate language, language that hurts as it is not meant for people whom God has brought together. I will encourage them to show mutual respect as that is the way Christians are called to talk to one another.

After listening to them, I will decide how to proceed, avoiding to make any of them see themselves the evil person.

In the end, gathering from what they shared, I would say how God expects husband and wife to live; how when you wrong your spouse you should be courageous enough to say “I am sorry!”, and when your spouse says ” I am sorry “, you should readily forgive.

This is my approach. I do not know how you feel about it. Kindly let me know. What do you propose as a way to handle marital conflict?

Is my approach worth trying out?

50 things husbands like to get from their wives

  1. Sex is one thing that all husbands want to get from their wives.
  2. Respect is very important as well. No man takes disrespect from his wife well. Don’t be rude
  3. Affection: Show him affection. Show that you care about him.
  4. Hold his hand in public.
  5. Leave love messages often;
  6. Massage his shoulder as a sign of love.
  7. Give him unexpected kisses.
  8. Tell him how much you love him;
  9. Mind your language.Use loving, and kind and respectful words to talk to him.
  10. Forgiving. Men make mistake and love wives who are forgiving.
  11. Patient: Men love patient wives.
  12. Cheer him up when his spirits are down;
  13. Tell him you’re sorry when you hurt him.
  14. Make Him know you believe in him;
  15. Recognize his talent; and make him know it.
  16. Be supportive. Do not ignore when he is struggling to achieve a dream. Make his dream your dream.
  17. Encourage him to excel.
  18. Make him feel like a man. When he is down, lift him to be a man. Sometimes financial help plays
  19. Make him know you understand him.
  20. Appreciate him
  21. Affirm him.
  22. Compliment him often.
  23. Tell him often how good he looks.
  24. Tell him you admire him.
  25. Accept him.
  26. Do not try to change him by pressurizing him.
  27. Love. Despite his flaws
  28. Let go when you differ. Don’t always try to win and stand as the more brilliant person.
  29. Don’t always push too much for a chat.
  30. Listen to him when he talks. Don’t interrupt to oppose.
  31. Avoid making negative comments about him.
  32. Be considerate.
  33. Be positive.
  34. Stop competing with him and trying to make everyone around know that you are the one calling the shots.
  35. Be honest with him to earn his trust.
  36. Be a friend
  37. Mind how you talk especially if you have an.
  38. Don’t take him for granted .
  39. Make sacrifices for him. Offer presents.
  40. Use kind words to talk to him even when you have a disagreement.
  41. Show him gratitude daily.
  42. Avoid confrontation;
  43. Leave anger aside.
  44. Don’t be extravagant.
  45. Selfless: husbands love selfless not selfish wives.
  46. Husbands love wives who are open. Do not let him be guessing things that concern you.
  47. Be patient. Husbands love their wives to be patient with them.
  48. Hiding to call: Don’t hide to make or answer calls or hide your password from him.
  49. Clean, neat and organized.
  50. Love progress. Many husbands love wives who love progress and work hard for it.

What husbands want from wives

I promised to write a post on what husbands expect from their wives.
I think it is so important to know this post. Such knowledge will guide the men, or better still, it will guide many men and also women.

A lot of wives will be better wives if they know what husbands want from their wives.

This will make better couples, and better families, leading to better societies.

If you live in ignorance, you will die in ignorance. If you are enlightened, you will be enlightened.

I will keep to my promise to write this post to enlighten both husbands and wives on this subject.

But I cannot do this alone. I need your help to do it. I need information from you. Let’s write this post together. Many hands make work lighter.

If you know anything that husbands like their wives to be doing to or for them , kindly let me know.

Send that to me as a comment. If you are a man, you can make a good contribution to this topic. What do you want from your wife?

I hope to get many responses.

Thanks in advance for joining me to write a great post.

30 things that every woman likes her husband to do to keep her happy

These are 30 things that every woman likes her husband to do to keep her happy:

  1. Give money to your wife.
  2. Buy for her clothes and shoes and jewelry.
  3. Tell her you love her.
  4. Show her you love her.
  5. Be faithful to her. Have no other woman and don’t cheat on her.
  6. Give her tender, loving touches often.
  7. Appreciate her work in the house.
  8. Appreciate her cooking after every meal.
  9. Appreciate her in public and raise her in front of others.
  10. Encourage her.
  11. Support her.
  12. Call her names of endearment.
  13. Take her out from time to time for enjoyment and quality time.
  14. Don’t gossip about her.
  15. Don’t run her down especially in public.
  16. When you have a misunderstanding, be careful and avoid damaging and hurtful words.
  17. Don’t embarrass her.
  18. Don’t threaten her.
  19. Don’t blame her for every thing that goes wrong in the house or with the children.
  20. Respect her.
  21. Do not bypass her and go and tell your plans to your friends and other women.
  22. Don’t pretend.
  23. Show an interest in her work.
  24. Make her know that you are proud of her.
  25. Make her feel needed, desired.
  26. Make her know that she satisfies you sexually.
  27. Don’t put you family members ahead of her.
  28. Don’t take orders from your mother and give her.
  29. Don’t spend money. carelessly on drinking while the family suffers from financial hard ship.
  30. Don’t ignore her when she is angry.

You probably have something to add. Please, do.

If you have a comment to make, you are welcome.

The next post will be on what every women needs to do to keep her husband happy.

Marriage ought to be thrilling

Do you remember the period of romance when, as a young person, you just met the one who, today, is your spouse?

How was it like? I mean when you just fell in love.

Can you remember how your heart used to beat with love?

Was what you loved most at the time not for both of you to be together?

I can bet that when you first met the one who is your spouse today and that small voice inside you said, “This is the one you must spend the rest of your life with,” you felt different. You must have felt happier than if you had hit a gold mine.

When you find someone your heart goes for, things become different for you. There is no natural force I know as strong as love.

The period before marriage is usually full of romance; a very thrilling time for many people.

When you just get married, it is the same. Your love is at its peak.

Sadly, this does not last for long. Soon, challenges emerge; differences begin to surface; the excitement starts to dissipate. The heat or steam that you had for each other drops and eventually becomes history. Then you begin to yearn for a come-back.

Unfortunately, it is not easy to bring it back, which makes you angry, disappointed, and frustrated; and this could give birth to the idea of divorce in your mind. This clearly shows that if something is not done, your marriage might hit a rock.

The good news is many people manage to find a way to sail through this stormy ocean.

I know for some couples, attending a Marriage Encounter Week end has been the magic wand for them.

At a Marriage Encounter Weekend, you reexperience the pre-marital thrill of your relationship.

Yet, after the week end, if you are not careful, it will vamoose again; and will be hard to return.

You don’t have to let the heat go off your marriage. Keep it hot. There are things you can do to keep that fire of love between you and your spouse burning.

If you let that fire quench, that may be the end of your marriage. Your marriage might hit bottom and never get up.

If you know the tools to keep love hot in your marriage, use them. There is no use having tools and allowing them to lie wasted. If you use them rightly, your marriage will shine like light and radiate and touch others around you.

Those who attend marriage courses, to enrich their marriages, are usually given some tools to use to attain this objective.

I know the tools given at the Marriage Encounter week end because I attended one; and was so thrilled that I felt I should go to town and start announcing to everybody that there was something called a Marriage Encounter Week End that everybody should attend.

Many couples who attend this weekend have the same experience. But does this thrill continue for ever after the week end?

It doesn’t. It goes for a while for many and the the world around them swallows them. But a few keep it and so stand out conspicuously in their communities as ideal couples.

It is important to know why some couples fall back and why some shine on.

The couples who fall back are the ones who fail to implement what they learned at the week end. During the week end many concepts are taught. The couples open up to each other (husband to wife and vice versa) as they had never done before. Each couple focuses on itself. Husband knows himself and his wife better. Wife knows herself and her husband better. This leads to more understanding and love is generated at a high rate.

If a couple lives the concepts that they take home from the week end, they will continue to have a thrilling marriage experience.

If you have never attended a marriage Encounter week end or any marriage course, of course, with good help, you can still have thrill in your marriage.

We are committed to helping couples get the most from their marriage. Marriage is meant to be enjoyed not to be endured. Remember how you felt about your spouse when you started. It may be you thought you would die if you did not get married to each other. But now, where is the love that gripped you like fever? It’s no longer there.

Why? Is it because your spouse has changed? Is it because your spouse was hiding their true colors before marriage and only brought them out when you were married?

Not so. It is that you are not using the tools that a couple needs to use to have a successful marriage. And you may not be using them because you don’t know them, or you may know them but are too lazy or not motivated enough to use them.

Even some couples who are encountered and so well equipped still are unable to generate that feeling that they had during their romance and which they relived during their Original Weekend.

We know how to help you regenerate that heat. We will equip those who are not equipped, and motivate you if you are not motivated so that you do what is necessary to do for your marriage to shine and light up the world around you.

You can be a role model in marriage. Why not? We need role models in the area of marriage to inspire other couples and especially young people as they look forward to getting into this very important institution.

Make sure you journey with us. Follow up and make sure you do not miss any of our publications. We give you this for free because we believe in marriage. We got help along the way from our Marriage Encounter Week End, and also the inspiration which many couples lack to dig deep into the weekend concepts. That is why we enjoy our marriage as we do; and wish to share our blessing. You can be like us and even better. Wear the armour of humility and close the door if pride comes knocking. You will be proud you did.

To God be the glory!