You may blow it

“Life is most risky when it is sweetest. That is when you can blow it.” (Romilia Quotes)

This is true. You are careful with your life when life is not easy; when you lack the means to live an easy life.

But when you have the means to live an easy life, it becomes very easy to derail; to think you can do whatever you like; and you start venturing into things that can destroy you.

At all times you should be level headed and more especially when life is going well for you.

It is a sign of both wisdom and maturity.

Do not blow it! You may blow your life.

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Till you reach

Once you are on the road,
And know your destination,
Don’t deviate,
Unless you have
A strong reason to do so;
Of course, it is so clear:
You cannot get to
Your destination if you
Take a wrong road;
And also if you stop going;
Many projects start off well,
But fail not because
They are doomed to fail,
But because the one concerned
Lost steam and gave up.
If you find yourself
Losing steam,
Renew it;
Don’t sit and let it go.
Always tell yourself,
Because it is true,
That many passed through
The same road.
You will always encounter
Low moments;
You will feel discouraged;
You will be tempted many times
To give up;
But, if you want to win,
There is only one way:
Keep going;
If you lose steam,
Renew it;
Re-energize;
And keep on
Till you reach the winning point.

What do you do?

If you get confused,
What to you do?
Take positive action.
If you get tired,
What do you do?
Take positive action.
If you feel lonely,
What do you do?
Take positive action.
If life is not going
What do you do?
Take positive action.
If you meet obstacles
On your path,
What do you do?
Take positive action.
If your spirits are low
What do you do?
Take positive action.
If you miss your flight,
What do you do?
Take positive action.
Whatever is happening,
Or not happening to you,
Take positive action,
Positive action
Will bring
Positive results;
Always
Take positive action.

Watch your words

How do your words
Impact those
Who listen to you?
Are they inspiring
Or dispiriting?
Do they uplift them
Or put them down?
Do they edify
Or mortify?
Your words should be inspiring,
Not dispiriting;
Your words should uplift;
Not make them downcast;
Your words should edify
Not mortify them;
Make them upbeat,
Not downbeat.
Yes, you must watch
Your words;
Watch the words you use.

Making The Bed

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This is my bed. It is a black metal futon frame with a Full size mattress on it. The futon came with a typical futon mattress and for over two years I slept on the futon mattress (though I added a foam eggshell mattress topper).

Realized several years ago my mental health is going down the tubes when my kitchen gets to be a mess. The kitchen is the one room in the house I need to have clean. I can have piles of papers and clean and dirty clothes but if there are piles of dishes in the sink and the stove is not wiped off then something is wrong.

More recently I have discovered how much making my bed affects my mental state. My grandmother used to always make her bed. She made mine too, and tried to get me to make my own bed when I was old enough. My grandparent’s bed had a bed skirt and everything. It was a Queen size bed. Box Spring, mattress,  and a wooden headboard.  The Headboard matched the dresser and both were given to my grandparent’s as a gift from some of the parishioners of one of the Churches Grandfather served.

My grandmother had a hand embroidered Quilt Set. It was white with a blue cornflower motif. The bed skirt, top quilt, and several throw pillows made up the set. She would make the bed as most people do.  Fitted sheet, Top sheet, light cover (made for sleeping) and the decorative cornflower top quilt (not made for sleeping). She would finish it off with the decorative pillows.

Yeah, that isn’t me.  I learned from grandfather how to make hospital corners. My first job was a housekeeper at a Days Inn. So I made plenty of beds….not necessarily my own. For a long time even sleeping with any type of sheet on the bed was a hit or miss. I don’t do Top sheets at all. I was staying at friend’s house and her parents had a sleeper sofa. To make it more comfortable her mom had put one of the crushed velveteen blankets under the fitted sheet. Then the Top sheet and the sleeping cover. No need for a decorative quilt on a sleeper sofa. Without the use of my CPAP I run marathons in my sleep. I turn to one side and then the other. One time I did a complete 180 in my bed and woke up where my feet had been when I went to sleep the night before. Anyway, the next day when my friend’s mom went to strip and remake the bed we discovered I had not only bunched up the top sheet under the cover but I had somehow manage to strip the velveteen blanket under the fitted sheet without removing the fitted sheet.

At this point in my life my bedding consist of a fitted sheet, the blanket you see on the bed in the photo and three body pillows–with pillow casings (another non consistent item in my bed making).  I added the only two throw pillows I have left which I care about. The Hello Kitty one I found while touring an empty apartment. It was in a really high cabinet which may or may not have had a rifle in it as well. The realtor agent never told me. The second throw pillow is in the color and has the House Crest of my favorite House in Harry Potter: Slytherin. The pillow was hand embroidered by a friend of mine who loves Harry Potter as much (or even more) than I do.

While my bed is simple to make, the act of making it, and of laundering sheets, pillowcases, and cover one a month or as needed, gives me sense of peace and order; starting my day off on the right note.

My suggestion to anyone who feels out of control or anxiety ridden or in a bad place mentally is to find the “making your bed” thing to help you through, to get you back on track. It might be journaling when you first wake up, or having a cup of coffee, or walking, or it make actually be making your bed. Whatever it is, having one thing which helps all the other things in life move easier through day is invaluable.

Book with "Today I am grateful."

See If You Can Catch Yourself Complaining

Book with "Today I am grateful."

We all love to complain. It won’t take an extensive observation to reason that it’s something we love to do as human beings. We tend to feel better once we have a good moan. Getting things off our chests seems to relieve a burden or two. A problem shared is a problem halved, right?

I have caught myself complaining a lot lately about a project that I’m doing. At the same time, research shows that most people complain once a minute during a typical conversation. It is tempting to complain because at that moment it feels good. However, like many other things that are enjoyable, such as smoking or consuming too much alcohol, complaining isn’t good for you.

 

How Your Brain Works

Writer Steven Parton describes in his post on Medium: “Throughout your brain, there is a collection of synapses separated by empty space called the synaptic cleft. Whenever you have a thought, one synapse shoots a chemical across the cleft to another synapse, thus building a bridge over which an electric signal can cross, carrying along its charge the relevant information you’re thinking about.”

He continues: “Every time this electrical charge is triggered, the synapses grow closer together in order to decrease the distance the electrical charge has to cross… The brain is rewiring its own circuitry, physically changing itself, to make it easier and more likely that the proper synapses will share the chemical link and thus spark together – in essence, making it easier for the thought to trigger.”

 

From Temporary To A Fixed Habit

If you think about what Parton described, your brain loves efficiency – it doesn’t like to work any harder than it has to. When you repeat a behaviour, your synapses reach out to each other to shorten the flow of information. This makes it easier to repeat that behaviour in the future. And can you really blame your brain for making such connections?

Here’s a practical example: Who would want to build a temporary bridge every single time you need to cross a river? That would be a waste of time and effort. It makes a lot more sense to build a permanent bridge.

That’s exactly what your brain is doing: Your neurons grow closer to each other and the connections between them become more fixed.

As time passes, you find it’s easier to be negative than to be positive, regardless of what goods happening around you. Then complaining becomes your default behaviour, which changes how people perceive you.

 

We As Humans

Since human beings are inherently social, our brains naturally and unconsciously mimic the moods of those around us, particularly people we spend a great deal of time with and it’s the basis for our ability to feel empathy.

The flip side, however, is that you don’t have to complain yourself to suffer its ill effects. You have to be careful about spending time with people who complain about everything. Complainers want people to join their pity party so that they can feel better about themselves. If you find yourself in this situation, it’s better to distance yourself.

Besides that, here are two things you can do when you feel the need to complain:

1. Engage In Solution-Focused Complaining

The first thing you can do is to engage in complaining that is solution-focused. This is applicable when you have something that is truly worth complaining about – see it as complaining with a purpose. Solution-oriented complaining should do the following:

  1. Make your purpose clear. Before complaining, identify what outcome you’re looking for. If you can’t identify a purpose, there’s a good chance you just want to complain for the sake of complaining, and that’s the kind you want to avoid at all costs.
  2. Start off positively. Starting positively helps to keep the other person from getting defensive. For example, before rushing into a complaint about poor customer service, you could say something like, “I have always been thoughtfully assisted with your service, but…”
  3. Specify the situation. When you’re complaining, don’t search up every minor annoyance from the past years. Just address the current situation and be as specific as possible. Instead of saying, “You have treated me poorly,” describe specifically what that person did wrong.
  4. End positively. If you end your complaint with, “I’m never shopping here again,” the person who’s listening is not motivated to act on your complaint. In that case, you’re just complaining with no purpose other than to complain. Instead, restate your purpose, as well as your hope that the desired result can be achieved, for example, “I would like to solve this so that we can remain doing businesses.”

 

2. Practice Gratitude

The second thing is the practice of gratitude. When you feel like complaining, shift your attention to something that you’re grateful for. Taking time to consider what you’re grateful for reduces the stress hormone by 23%.

Whenever you experience negative thoughts, use this as a signal to shift gears towards thinking about something positive. In time, a positive attitude will become a way of life.

Originally published at ye-chen.com.

 

  • When was the last time you caught yourself complaining?
  • What is your failproof way to stop complaining?
  • How do you deal with people complaining to you?

 

Have your say in the comment section 🙂

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