Are you sure you know your spouse?

I like to talk about marriage. I like to see couples living happily.

How well or how deeply do you know your spouse? You may think you know your spouse when your knowledge is only superficial. Your knowledge of your spouse is like scratching at the surface as fowls do to search the ground for worms. They don’t dig deep.i

To make a comparison with fishing, I can say perhaps you have not dipped your net deep like the fishermen in the Bible to know and understand your spouse. Will it be surprising if at the end of the day, your net is empty?

There are tools that couples use to know themselves better, understand each other better, and relate better, thus succeeding in marriage.

Anyone who follows my writings on marriage closely will recall that once I posted something on a Marriage Encounter Week End.

Many people do not know about Marriage Encounter Week ends; and when they hear about it for the first time, one question which usually comes to their minds: who or what does one encounter at the week end?

That was the same question I asked before I became encountered.

This question was answered during the weekend. I got to understand the encounter concept and found it so beautiful.

Let me answer this question for you. Who or what do you encounter when you go for a Marriage Encounter Week End?

At a Marriage Encounter Week end, the first person you encounter is yourself.

If you have never done a week end, then most probably you have never really encountered yourself.

If you have never encountered yourself, it means you do not really know yourself. In other words, you have never really gotten in touch with your feelings.

And if you are not in touch with your feelings, it means you are living superficially without knowing your own self; without knowing why you feel the way you feel about certain situations, and act the way you act.

We, humans need to know ourselves and accept who we are. This starts with knowing who we are.

We are a whole bunch of things determined by our physical constitution, our sex, education, background, which we also call filters, our environment etc.

During a Marriage Encounter Week End, we are helped to know who we are. This includes knowing our strengths and weaknesses, our doubts, fears, worries etc.

When we know all these, that knowledge helps us in our dealings with others.

Hence, the first person you encounter during an Original Week End is yourself.

The next person you encounter is your spouse.

As husband and wife, you know yourselves better when you encounter each other. You know your spouse’s likes and dislikes, personality style, and what makes your spouse react in a certain way to certain situations.

When you know all this, you understand your spouse better. You understand that your spouse’s reaction may be the result of your spouse’s filters or personality style.

This is very precious knowledge that you will hardly get from marriage doctrine.

You can see that the word encounter should not scare anybody. It is not a violent encounter as a physical confrontation in a fight or in a football match where physical force is required. It is a gradual, loving, pleasurable discovery of who we are, and who our spouse is.

The third person you encounter at a week end is Jesus Christ. You come face to face with Jesus Christ, and understand the role that he has to play in your life firstly as and individual, and secondly as a couple.

You also encounter the sacrament of matrimony. You understand the real meaning of the sacrament of Matrimony.

What does it mean when you get married in Church? It means Christ is in that relationship. It means Christ is available at all times to help you in your relationship. It means Christ is journeying with you as a couple. You are not just husband and wife but husband, wife and Christ. You are three in one. This is so good. If there is a problem, you don’t have to try to handle it with your spouse alone. All three of you have to sit down together and look at it. You have to run to Christ every now and then, in fact, permanently.

During the week end you are taught a technique to get Christ ever present in your relationship so that even the children you give birth to are rooted in Christ.

From this you can draw a conclusion about why some children are wayward. Sometimes, it starts right at conception. The parents do not put Christ at the center at the time they are looking for a baby.

We are supposed to decide with Christ through prayer that we want a baby; that it is time to have a baby. Then we go looking for the baby with him through prayer. We do not go on our own.

If we bring Christ in at the very beginning, the child we get will grow up to know Christ and bear the light of Christ.

If some children go on to become priests, or religious, it is because their parents got Christ fully involved in the decision to bring them into the world, and continued to journey with Christ to bring them up. It is usually not by accident. Of course, some do encounter Christ late but most are people whose parents encountered Christ and helped their children early enough to encounter Christ as well.

Another level of encounter during the week end is for priests and religious who attend the weekend.

A lot of people often wonder what this category of people go to a week end for. Let us not forget that Priests and religious are also married to the greatest spouse, Jesus Christ. During the weekend, they first Encounter their self and then encounter Jesus Christ, their own spouse. If there are two priests at the weekend, they Encounter each other. This means they try to understand each other. Priests and religious live in communities and it is not an easy thing. If you Encounter yourself and know what motivates your behaviour and other priests’ behavior, it will be easier to live together.

The priesthood can also be very lonely. But encountered priests are not lonely because they have encountered couples to journey with. They understand what motivates certain behaviours and share the same values like encountered couples and have the tools to maintain healthy relationships with couples. This does not say that there is perfection. Not at all! There is room for human weakness. The bottom line is encountered priests and religious do very well with encountered couples.

In Marriage Encounter, you Encounter yourself, your spouse and Jesus Christ. Priests encounter themselves, fellow Priests and their spouse Jesus Christ; and the Christians they are called upon to serve.

Religious Encounter themselves, their fellow religious, (male/male; female/female).

The goal of a M.E. Week End is to make you know yourself, know your spouse and know Jesus Christ. This enhances love, understanding, tolerance, and working together for success in marriage and in their lives.

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Marriage ought to be thrilling

Do you remember the period of romance when, as a young person, you just met the one who, today, is your spouse?

How was it like? I mean when you just fell in love.

Can you remember how your heart used to beat with love?

Was what you loved most at the time not for both of you to be together?

I can bet that when you first met the one who is your spouse today and that small voice inside you said, “This is the one you must spend the rest of your life with,” you felt different. You must have felt happier than if you had hit a gold mine.

When you find someone your heart goes for, things become different for you. There is no natural force I know as strong as love.

The period before marriage is usually full of romance; a very thrilling time for many people.

When you just get married, it is the same. Your love is at its peak.

Sadly, this does not last for long. Soon, challenges emerge; differences begin to surface; the excitement starts to dissipate. The heat or steam that you had for each other drops and eventually becomes history. Then you begin to yearn for a come-back.

Unfortunately, it is not easy to bring it back, which makes you angry, disappointed, and frustrated; and this could give birth to the idea of divorce in your mind. This clearly shows that if something is not done, your marriage might hit a rock.

The good news is many people manage to find a way to sail through this stormy ocean.

I know for some couples, attending a Marriage Encounter Week end has been the magic wand for them.

At a Marriage Encounter Weekend, you reexperience the pre-marital thrill of your relationship.

Yet, after the week end, if you are not careful, it will vamoose again; and will be hard to return.

You don’t have to let the heat go off your marriage. Keep it hot. There are things you can do to keep that fire of love between you and your spouse burning.

If you let that fire quench, that may be the end of your marriage. Your marriage might hit bottom and never get up.

If you know the tools to keep love hot in your marriage, use them. There is no use having tools and allowing them to lie wasted. If you use them rightly, your marriage will shine like light and radiate and touch others around you.

Those who attend marriage courses, to enrich their marriages, are usually given some tools to use to attain this objective.

I know the tools given at the Marriage Encounter week end because I attended one; and was so thrilled that I felt I should go to town and start announcing to everybody that there was something called a Marriage Encounter Week End that everybody should attend.

Many couples who attend this weekend have the same experience. But does this thrill continue for ever after the week end?

It doesn’t. It goes for a while for many and the the world around them swallows them. But a few keep it and so stand out conspicuously in their communities as ideal couples.

It is important to know why some couples fall back and why some shine on.

The couples who fall back are the ones who fail to implement what they learned at the week end. During the week end many concepts are taught. The couples open up to each other (husband to wife and vice versa) as they had never done before. Each couple focuses on itself. Husband knows himself and his wife better. Wife knows herself and her husband better. This leads to more understanding and love is generated at a high rate.

If a couple lives the concepts that they take home from the week end, they will continue to have a thrilling marriage experience.

If you have never attended a marriage Encounter week end or any marriage course, of course, with good help, you can still have thrill in your marriage.

We are committed to helping couples get the most from their marriage. Marriage is meant to be enjoyed not to be endured. Remember how you felt about your spouse when you started. It may be you thought you would die if you did not get married to each other. But now, where is the love that gripped you like fever? It’s no longer there.

Why? Is it because your spouse has changed? Is it because your spouse was hiding their true colors before marriage and only brought them out when you were married?

Not so. It is that you are not using the tools that a couple needs to use to have a successful marriage. And you may not be using them because you don’t know them, or you may know them but are too lazy or not motivated enough to use them.

Even some couples who are encountered and so well equipped still are unable to generate that feeling that they had during their romance and which they relived during their Original Weekend.

We know how to help you regenerate that heat. We will equip those who are not equipped, and motivate you if you are not motivated so that you do what is necessary to do for your marriage to shine and light up the world around you.

You can be a role model in marriage. Why not? We need role models in the area of marriage to inspire other couples and especially young people as they look forward to getting into this very important institution.

Make sure you journey with us. Follow up and make sure you do not miss any of our publications. We give you this for free because we believe in marriage. We got help along the way from our Marriage Encounter Week End, and also the inspiration which many couples lack to dig deep into the weekend concepts. That is why we enjoy our marriage as we do; and wish to share our blessing. You can be like us and even better. Wear the armour of humility and close the door if pride comes knocking. You will be proud you did.

To God be the glory!

Wedding day

Wedding day is finally here,
So special a day;
A day not like other days;
And why so?
Because your all life changes
Once for all;
Or should I say forever?
For that is what happens;
From single life
To couple life;
Two are no longer two
But one;
That means two become one.
Sealed together by love!
Until death do you part.
We shall hear and witness
The oath;
As lovers take each other’s hand.

One Word can….

One word can start a friendship,
One kiss a love affair,
One smile can bring you laughter,
One hug can show you care,
One wave of your hand can say hello,
One tear can make you cry,
One gentle touch can warm a heart,
One dream can make you fly,
One song can bring back memories,
One thought sees brighter days,
One wish can bring colourful rainbows,
One good deed can bring you praise,
One moon can light your darkness,
One star can guide your soul,
One step will start each journey,
One hope to make your goal,
One hand to hold in friendship,
One heart that’s kind and true,
One Love…One friend, is all you need,
It’s really up to you.


Pic Credit:- https://www.pexels.com


Poem Source: www.familyfriendpoems.com


Thank you

Shubham Verma

An ideal couple

If you are married,
Try to be
An ideal couple;
An ideal husband and wife;
An ideal man and woman;
What do you expect
To find in
An ideal married couple?
Love tops the list;
Where there is love,
There is trust;
There’s fidelity;
There’s self giving;
And there’s oneness.
And they can’t have
All these qualities
Unless they are God-loving;
God-fearing;
And prayerful;
God is at the center
Of their marriage;
The binding force;
That cements them together;
To be no longer two,
But one.
An ideal couple,
Is an inspiration
To other couples;
And non couples.
Their love radiates;
And lights up
The whole world around
Them.
An ideal couple
Is a role model.

12 things you don’t do to your spouse and more

12 things you don’t do to your spouse:

  1. Don’t shout at your spouse or scold your spouse as if your spouse were a domestic servant.
  2. Don’t shout orders at your spouse.
  3. Don’t correct your spouse in public.
  4. Don’t belittle your spouse to your friends; to your children or to your spouse’s friends.
  5. Yes, don’t humiliate your spouse.
  6. Don’t gossip about your spouse.
  7. Don’t blame your spouse in public.
  8. Did I say don’t humiliate your spouse?
  9. Yes, don’t disgrace your spouse.
  10. Don’t criticize your spouse when you are with your friends or your spouse’s friends.
  11. Don’t discourage your spouse.
  12. Don’t adopt a negative attitude towards your spouse.

10 things to always do to your spouse:

  1. Appreciate your spouse.
  2. Praise your spouse privately.
  3. Praise your spouse publicly.
  4. Use endearing words to your spouse.
  5. Give your spouse a tender touch regularly.
  6. Bring home gifts to your spouse.
  7. Kiss or hug your spouse often.
  8. Look at your spouse with loving eyes often.
  9. Send love messages to your spouse during the day.
  10. Tell your spouse how much you love her/him.

14 words of endearment to use to address your spouse:

  1. Darling.
  2. Dear.
  3. Sweet heart.
  4. Honey
  5. My love.
  6. Oxygen.
  7. Sweetest.
  8. Sweetie.
  9. Sunshine.
  10. Gold.
  11. Silver.
  12. Pearl.
  13. Hero.
  14. Heroine.

14 ways to spend quality time together.

  1. Go out to dance together.
  2. Go visit friends together.
  3. Go on a picnic together.
  4. Go to a snack together.
  5. Go for a ride together.
  6. Go on a journey together.
  7. Sit out at home together.
  8. Watch television together.
  9. Play a game together.
  10. Sing together.
  11. Cook together.
  12. Do chores together.
  13. Eat together.
  14. Pray together.

8 things to do for your spouse.

  1. Help your spouse with his/her office work or business.
  2. Encourage your spouse.
  3. Pray for your spouse.
  4. Commend your spouse.
  5. Give your spouse financial support if needed.
  6. Protect your spouse.
  7. Defend the interest of your spouse.
  8. Go to places your spouse cannot go to if you can, and do things for him/her.

Love is scarce- Really ?

Love is scarce- Really ?

Only thing we never get enough of is love; and the only thing we never give enough of is love.

― Henry Miller

Why this happens ?

We all  think that, Love means romance.But it is not so. There are 7 types of love.
  1. Storge- Familial love
  2. Phila-friendship ( shared goodwill)
  3. Eros-Sexual or passionate love
  4. Agape-Universal love ( unconditional love)
  5. Ludus-Playful or uncommitted love
  6. Pragma- Long term love ( married people)
  7. Philautia-self love ( healthy or unhealthy)
source Psychologytoday.com, Quora) My discussion is limited to the married couple.

Think for a second.

Can you tell  the difference between ‘school and life‘ ?
” In school you are taught a lesson and then given a test.   In life,you are given a test,that teaches you the lesson” Tom Bodett
So what I am trying to tell is Life gives an opportunity to learn lessons  from our experience, in this situation….. day-to-day problems faced by the couple,thus giving them an opportunity, making them more accommodating,understanding and helpful to each other. Thus we can become wiser by experiencing these experiences. But here is the hitch. The problem comes in the unknown form of ‘E G O  nullifying all the benefits of life’s lessons,which we learn over the course of time. Why can’t we make an attempt to look into this ? Why can not we prevent this devil before it strikes us ? When we are able to manage life style diseases with sugar-free,fat-free,salt free,gluten-free etc. etc…why can’t we give a try for Ego- free ?

The only way to achieve peace and harmony is becoming ‘EGO LESS’,

and this should be the  ultimate outcome of your life’s lessons,if you are willing to learn.

Another aspect is ,to be able to differentiate, the difference between love & Possession.Don’t think ,just because you love the person…you got right to possess the person.( as if the person is a property) Remember love is selfless,coming from the bottom of the heart with total dedication,sincerity and commitment to lead a supportive life together.

And so…..

We make our life miserable because we never make an attempt to understand the full potential of true love,and thus we make ‘love’ scarce in spite of itabundance. True Love gives you, the real experience of what all you dream and Ego gives you, all the heartache. Thank you.   Philosophy through photography
“A flower cannot blossom without sunshine, and man cannot live without love”. – Max Muller

The challenge of every couple

My dear sweet, loving couple,
Are you a source of inspiration
To other couples in
Your community?
Do other couples come to you
Asking to know the secret
Of your success in marriage?
If they do,
There can be no doubt,
You are a source of inspiration,
What a great thing, indeed!
To be a source of inspiration
To another is great;
Not to talk of being
A source of inspiration
To others.
The challenge of every couple:
Live your couple life so well
That you become
A source of inspiration to others.
Who is ready for this challenge?
Are you ready?

The binding force of your marriage

When you wed in Church, God comes into your marriage, making it a tripartite affair of husband, wife and God.

A true Christian marriage is not a union between husband and wife alone but a union of the couple and God.

God is the cement of the Christian marriage. He binds the couple in a way that they become inseparable.

In marriage, the couple is required to work with God as a team. Any matter concerning their marriage is the responsibility of the team: husband, wife and God.

God is permanently available to help them as a couple in what ever they want to do.

But if a couple decides not to make use of him in their marriage, that is their problem. It is left to each couple to seek God’s help and get it. This is done through prayer.

To pray as a couple is to open the door of your marriage to let God in to help you handle whatever marital challenges that you may face.

Those who leave God out of their marriage, face a lot of difficulties without a way out.

You must not leave God out of your marriage. Do not try to do it all by yourself.

If you acknowledge God as the binding force of your marriage, bring him in to play his part, which is a key part to make your marriage successful.