May my brother’s journey inspire us to take better care of us

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#SIWOPC: PLEASE LET ME BE

My dream life is a life lived in a world where no one is judged. Where each person is free just to be themselves – hence I wrote this poem to express just that.

Please let me be

for the world

Please let me be queer

let me be queer it’s my life

be all the regular I don’t care

Please let me be a misfit

I am done trying to fit

You can do all the fit in I don’t care

I come from a broken home

I now lead a broken home

keep your fixed home

He cries mama

she teased my papa is gay

And so what I ask?

gay means happy

why be any judge?

and then go to church?

sing unconditional love

and love so conditionally?

They call me a rascal because I love pascal

he is such a friend

we trust each other so

sinners you say?

who did HE come for?

Winners they who followed HIM

Shabby may be the dress code

merry the constant mode

you can care for your body

I’ll care for my mind

I envy you not

spare your nod

Please let me be

(c) 2017 Marie Abanga

What do people say…when you say…?

Hello World, happy new week. Continuing with my advocacy and inspiration to motivate us all to take care of our mental wellbeing, I wish to share another poem of mine titled: “When you say…I will say…”

When you say I don’t know me anymore, I will say I can imagine how you feel…

When you say my mind is murky, I will say I can imagine how you feel…

When you say you can’t take it no more, I will say I can imagine how you feel…

When you say you had a miscarriage, I will say I can imagine how you feel…

When you say you just buried a child, I will say I can imagine how you feel…

Continue to read here

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Do you think someone knows where you are coming from?

i-know

Hello world, sometimes we think we are so alone in our struggles and challenges; we don’t know who to turn to nor what to do. We can’t heal and move on if we don’t think someone ‘knows where we are coming from’.

I wrote this poem to inspire myself and others, so we all know there is someone somewhere out there who knows where we are coming from. Sometimes, we may just have to brave it to go searching ‘online or offline’, but we have to take that first step in our cognitive beliefs, that it’s okay to be where we are but that it is even more okay to go searching for help; and yes because there is surely someone somewhere who knows where we are coming from.

My poem for today is titled: ‘I know where you are coming from’

Are you sad;

Are you troubled;

Are you anxious;

Are you nervous;

Are you overwhelmed;

Are you outright scared?

I know where you are coming from!!! 

 

Alert: It’s a bit longer than my other other poems and may trigger some

Continue reading the poem here

 

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Must all words be spoken for you to listen?

Unspoken words

Those you don’t say

Those you can’t say

Those you wouldn’t say

Those you didn’t say

Those you really want to say

………………

Unspoken words

Those you want me to hear

Hear straight from your heart

Hear by your stare

Hear by the feel

Feel of the hug you scared to share

…………………

Unspoken words

Sometimes the truth is in such words

The real you stuck with them

The fade you says fine

But those who have learned

To listen from the soul

Will clearly hear words unspoken

(c) Marie Abanga

 

p.s: A new month is starting and this is the 10th month of a year which just started like ‘yesterday’? What could we have missed out because we didn’t ‘listen’? Maybe because someone didn’t actually ‘speak the words’ and we are all accustomed to listening to only what is spoken? Maybe we were the ones whose words also got ‘stuck up’ in us, who wanted to say them but for some reason couldn’t get to doing so? Maybe just maybe we could learn or determine to be more attentive and empathetic and strive to listen too to ‘Unspoken Words’? I wrote this poem earlier this year because I felt there was more that could be possible if we acknowledged the power and possibility of Unspoken words, and be ‘strong’ enough to ‘listen’ to one another and ourselves too. Be inspired and motivated everyone and have a great month

See If You Can Catch Yourself Complaining

Book with "Today I am grateful."

We all love to complain. It won’t take an extensive observation to reason that it’s something we love to do as human beings. We tend to feel better once we have a good moan. Getting things off our chests seems to relieve a burden or two. A problem shared is a problem halved, right?

I have caught myself complaining a lot lately about a project that I’m doing. At the same time, research shows that most people complain once a minute during a typical conversation. It is tempting to complain because at that moment it feels good. However, like many other things that are enjoyable, such as smoking or consuming too much alcohol, complaining isn’t good for you.

 

How Your Brain Works

Writer Steven Parton describes in his post on Medium: “Throughout your brain, there is a collection of synapses separated by empty space called the synaptic cleft. Whenever you have a thought, one synapse shoots a chemical across the cleft to another synapse, thus building a bridge over which an electric signal can cross, carrying along its charge the relevant information you’re thinking about.”

He continues: “Every time this electrical charge is triggered, the synapses grow closer together in order to decrease the distance the electrical charge has to cross… The brain is rewiring its own circuitry, physically changing itself, to make it easier and more likely that the proper synapses will share the chemical link and thus spark together – in essence, making it easier for the thought to trigger.”

 

From Temporary To A Fixed Habit

If you think about what Parton described, your brain loves efficiency – it doesn’t like to work any harder than it has to. When you repeat a behaviour, your synapses reach out to each other to shorten the flow of information. This makes it easier to repeat that behaviour in the future. And can you really blame your brain for making such connections?

Here’s a practical example: Who would want to build a temporary bridge every single time you need to cross a river? That would be a waste of time and effort. It makes a lot more sense to build a permanent bridge.

That’s exactly what your brain is doing: Your neurons grow closer to each other and the connections between them become more fixed.

As time passes, you find it’s easier to be negative than to be positive, regardless of what goods happening around you. Then complaining becomes your default behaviour, which changes how people perceive you.

 

We As Humans

Since human beings are inherently social, our brains naturally and unconsciously mimic the moods of those around us, particularly people we spend a great deal of time with and it’s the basis for our ability to feel empathy.

The flip side, however, is that you don’t have to complain yourself to suffer its ill effects. You have to be careful about spending time with people who complain about everything. Complainers want people to join their pity party so that they can feel better about themselves. If you find yourself in this situation, it’s better to distance yourself.

Besides that, here are two things you can do when you feel the need to complain:

1. Engage In Solution-Focused Complaining

The first thing you can do is to engage in complaining that is solution-focused. This is applicable when you have something that is truly worth complaining about – see it as complaining with a purpose. Solution-oriented complaining should do the following:

  1. Make your purpose clear. Before complaining, identify what outcome you’re looking for. If you can’t identify a purpose, there’s a good chance you just want to complain for the sake of complaining, and that’s the kind you want to avoid at all costs.
  2. Start off positively. Starting positively helps to keep the other person from getting defensive. For example, before rushing into a complaint about poor customer service, you could say something like, “I have always been thoughtfully assisted with your service, but…”
  3. Specify the situation. When you’re complaining, don’t search up every minor annoyance from the past years. Just address the current situation and be as specific as possible. Instead of saying, “You have treated me poorly,” describe specifically what that person did wrong.
  4. End positively. If you end your complaint with, “I’m never shopping here again,” the person who’s listening is not motivated to act on your complaint. In that case, you’re just complaining with no purpose other than to complain. Instead, restate your purpose, as well as your hope that the desired result can be achieved, for example, “I would like to solve this so that we can remain doing businesses.”

 

2. Practice Gratitude

The second thing is the practice of gratitude. When you feel like complaining, shift your attention to something that you’re grateful for. Taking time to consider what you’re grateful for reduces the stress hormone by 23%.

Whenever you experience negative thoughts, use this as a signal to shift gears towards thinking about something positive. In time, a positive attitude will become a way of life.

Originally published at ye-chen.com.

 

  • When was the last time you caught yourself complaining?
  • What is your failproof way to stop complaining?
  • How do you deal with people complaining to you?

 

Have your say in the comment section 🙂

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