Comparison Kills Contentment

“No one makes you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt

When I knew I wanted to write on this subject, I was a little intimidated. For good reason, I believe.

To uncover and call out all the destructive forms of “comparison” in all its layers and intricacies? That’s a big task to take on, for anyone. But out of all the things we need to address to ourselves, comparison is the elephant in the room. So, here we are.

Let’s start with a little bit of reflection. How exactly do you think comparison has affected your life lately?

You are certainly not alone if the only thing comparison contributes to your life is mostly negative. Feelings of discontent, jealousy, unworthiness, and sadness often stem from when we ourselves compare our behind the scenes moments to the social media highlight reels of another.

So, why exactly do we continue to compare if it has such awful consequences?

Well, first off, because it’s easy. It’s the most second nature thing that we can do. We are always wondering how we rank with people. But, again…it would be so much easier if we didn’t concern ourselves with the constant need to be best. Why do we do it?

Is it because we feel our worth somehow increases if we have the perfect hair, the perfect teeth, the perfect job, the perfect home? Is that why we idealize those we feel do have all those things and more? Do we really think that’s the end all of living? Or is life really about who you are, first and fore most?

It’s easy to say to yourself, “yes! Life is about who you are on the inside, not the outside.” But, when it comes down to the way we live? We contradict ourselves completely, by glorifying any well dressed, rich, and beautiful person like they aren’t entirely as human as we are.

The thing is, if we base our worth on feelings of worth, we will always be on a see-saw of emotions. We will never have a firm foundation of identity and we will never grasp our real worth.

So how are we going to address this comparison monster?

By getting to the heart of comparison, and debunking every little lie it whispers in your ear.

The perfection illusion

The people we compare ourselves to seem to have it all. At least, all that we think we are lacking. Whether that be the looks we think we don’t live up to, or the travel photography we wish we could have taken in person, whether it be the friend that seems like they have it ALL together…

We all are attracted to the ultimate “if only’s” in life. If only I looked like that. If only I had that job. If only I were that outgoing ALL the time. If only I were that perfect. Every time we allow ourselves to think like this, we are bashing who we are in the worst way possible, and truthfully…undermining all the good parts about us as humans.

The truth is, the same people you may be comparing yourself to in everyday life could just as well be comparing themselves to you, just in different ways.

When have we become so harsh on ourselves that we create an observational task force on what features look better on others, than the ones we own? Or the aspects of our life that seem to be less than ideal, compared to the ideal in other people’s lives?

We are not continually in competition with our fellow man.

Believing we are in constant competition will most definitely have detrimental consequences to our own personal growth. Or at least our CONTENTMENT with our own personal growth.

Viewing life as one big competition is a mistake that threatens to take away all the potential encouragement and genuine happiness we could be feeling for others when they succeed!

All of us humans, are at different stages in growth and development. When you hit a certain age, usually many of your friends are at different stages in life. So, don’t beat up on yourself for not being at a certain stage yet, or not feeling you “have it all together” right now. Seriously, who DOES have it all together right away? We learn as we live.

When you remind yourself that you are not in competition with every person that comes along, gives you room to SUPPORT others! Be encouraging of others! Love others! It’s extremely freeing to realize this.  This struck me even more, when just the other day a friend was telling me about something new and important going on in their lives, and I got so overwhelmingly and genuinely excited for them!

They told me, “I’m so glad I could tell you and you’re excited about this! Because I told someone else and they weren’t excited. Actually, I think they were jealous.”

I thought, wow. I’m so glad I could be supportive of this friend. What IF I would’ve let the comparison game dominate? That would’ve been an awful mistake. Because the way I reacted is exactly how I would want my friends to react to excited news I would share with them! Support your friends. Be happy for them. Don’t compare. Don’t compete. (And trust me, this is coming from an athlete. You know how hard not competing is for me sometimes)!

Comparison Kills Contentment 

This was told to me by one of my favorite middle school teachers. Comparison kills contentment. I’ve carried that with me ever since then, and it has become so much more prevalent when I realized just how true it is through everyday life. Keep this knowledge with you and pull this saying out from the corners of your mind whenever you need that reminder.

Don’t ever allow yourself to feel inferior by the good qualities another soul possesses. The good qualities in another does not equal the lack of good qualities in yourself.

You yourself have a billion gifts and good qualities about you. Many you’ve yet to learn about! So, please, take the time to hone them, focus on your growth, and embrace all the unique aspects that make up yourself as a person.

There are indeed forms of healthy comparison.

Have mentors and role models before you, that exemplify a life worth living. There are indeed healthy reminders of how to live life. So, follow those healthy reminders wholeheartedly, because your life is a life worth living well.

So, how should we go forward and conquer UNHEALTHY comparison once and for all?

By following these steps every time the comparison bug starts to rear its head.

Remember to…

Acknowledge we are not in constant competition with our fellow man.

Acknowledge that we are on a unique journey and timeline of life, all our own.

Acknowledge comparison, more often than not, kills valuable contentment in our own personal growth.

Acknowledge that the existent of good qualities in another person does not equate the lack of good qualities in yourself.

I hope you can carry these lessons with you, as I try to carry them with me, as well.

A lot of times a writer writes something important like this, they are writing from experience, and they are also writing to remind themselves. So, you are not alone in this journey called life!

I wish you all the best and that you live a life content in the progress you are making.

Until next time,

Hannah

If you are at all curious at to the blog that this post came from, here’s the link below! Check it out!

https://wordsmithobservations.wordpress.com/

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Life Is Not Forever; Treasure Your Time My Dear

हम सोचते ही रहे और ज़िन्दगी यूँ ही गुज़र गयी 🤔😢 Life is too short to be taken so seriously बड़ी चाहतों के आगे खुशियो के छोटे पलों को हम महत्व नहीं देते🙄 Come! Let’s live those little joyful moments today for they have much greater impacts 💞🙏

The main thing

It’s good to have a system of thoughts,

So, you don’t have to doubt yourself all the time,

With doubt comes confusion and fear,

To become more confident you must act,

Not wait for things to happen by themselves,

With action you choose what to thrive for,

Therefore, you have made a commitment and a standpoint,

This will again lead you to better know yourself,

And others,

To decide what to commit too,

Try thinking about what would make you happy,

Is it yoga, meditation, chess, football?

Or maybe being an actor, lawyer, doctor or police-officer?

Whatever it is, there’s a quote saying,

 the main thing is to keep the main thing, the main thing,

Too me that means to focus on your primary goal

 And don’t let anything distract you,

With a system you need less effort to do the same job,

Therefore, you become more efficient and have more vitality,

Finding something that’s challenging and not to difficult at the same time,

Is the key happiness,

So, let yourself shine by finding your true passion,

And inspire people as you do it,

 

 

Where Do You Find Happiness?

A lot of our unhappiness comes from the feeling of not belonging. But even when we’re accepted, we don’t necessarily belong. True happiness has to come from outside of the desire to belong.

There is happiness in silence and solitude. There is happiness in being thankful for what you have. There is happiness in relationship with God. This isn’t always easy to see. And for those who aren’t used to it, it’s not easy to understand.

If you’re enjoying this article so far. Take a moment to visit www.livingwithconfidence.net. Let me know in the comments, what you gained from the site.


Welcome back…

Most of our happiness comes from within. This is especially true after our material needs have been met. If you have everything you need but you’re still unhappy, the unhappiness is likely from a lack of appreciation for what you have and for what’s available to you.

This lack of appreciation comes mainly from a lack of recognition. Most of the time we don’t recognize how fortune we are, because we’re so used to having everything we need.

Learn to appreciate what you have. Learn to live with less and still be happy. And follow your heart. Not your emotions, but what you know in your heart of hearts is the right thing for you.

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Make your marriage a joy 1

If there were a law today dissolving all marriages and you were given the freedom to start life afresh, what would you do? See if you can answer these questions:

1. Would you like to marry the same husband or wife that you now have?
2. Would you go in for someone else?
3. Are you satisfied with your spouse?
4. Is your marriage a happy one?
5. Are you proud of your spouse and thankful to God for him or her?
6. Do you think your spouse would choose you again?
7. Is your spouse happy with you?
8. Does your spouse enjoy living with you?
9. Does your spouse see you as a good partner in marriage?

Undoubtedly, if given the opportunity to start life anew, there are many people who would go in for the same spouse. This means they are happy in their spousal relationship. There are men who would fight fiercely if someone threatened to take away their wife. Also, there are women who would fight tooth-and-nail to keep their husband. They love the man and are ready to die for him.

Yet, there are others who would not look at their present spouse if given a chance to start life afresh. They would immediately jump to someone else. This is because although they are husband and wife, they are husband and wife only in name. They are just two people living together. There is no love binding them. What binds them is nothing but their marriage certificate. This is unfortunate and also strange because they loved themselves passionately at the start and were ready to die for each other.

“Then,” you may ask, “What went wrong? Why do they not want to see each other again? Why would they be against each other and live more or less like enemies in the same house?”

Many marriages are like this. It will start off very well, but soon it will be on the rocks. Often, you find a boy and a girl very anxious to become married to each other, but no sooner are they married than they are at loggerheads, no longer wanting to see each other. This is curious. Why would a boy and a girl be dying for each other, swearing they would die if they do not get married to each other, but when they finally do, it does not take long before problems begin to rock their relationship? If it is not the boy who threatens to throw out the girl’s things so that she may go, it is the girl who threatens to park and leave. Questions keep coming up:

Why are many marriages full of problems and devoid of happiness?
Why is it that a great many couples do not live in peace?
Why are most couples most of the times opposed to each other?
Why do many couples behave as if they hated each other?

Instead of being havens of peace and harmony, many homes are fertile ground for blame, anger, and quarrels. They are boxing rings where husband and wife exchange hard blows on a regular basis.

It is common to hear people describing marriage as a hell, swearing they would never marry? Can marriage be such a burden or hell that some people hate it so much?

Marriage is not supposed to be a burden nor a hell. But some people make it both a burden and a hell. They make it hateful; something to escape from. Marriages of low quality abound while happy marriages are rare.

The institution of marriage is truly under great pressure today. We are told that in most countries of the world, 50% of marriages end in separation and divorce. Divorce is expected to reach 70% before long. Must that be so? Is there nothing we can do to change the trend? The answer is there is much we can all do to help couples make their marriages successful.

There is good reason for this. When marriage is a hell, the home becomes unlivable for the family. Husband and wife begin to wonder why they married each other at all. They begin to regret and the purpose of marriage is defeated.

Marriage is meant to be enjoyed. It is meant to be fun. In fact, it is supposed to be a heaven on earth. The one who instituted marriage meant it to be so. We are the ones who do not know how to make it so. Yet, the rules are very clearly spelled out. All we need is to respect them and our marriage will be as enjoyable as we like it to be.

No one will do it for us. We must do it ourselves. We do not have to wait for or expect any other person to do it for us. Our spouse will not do it alone neither can we do it alone. It takes both husband and wife, working together, to do it.

In fact, if our marriage is not making us very happy, then it is not doing for us what it is meant to do. Marriage is meant to make us very happy. It is our duty to make it do for us what it is meant to do.

There are many things we do that make marriage not to be enjoyable. One of them is taking the marriage lightly. Marriage, being a lasting union between two people, it needs to be taken seriously. We also need to work hard and sacrifice to make it succeed. We need a number of tools to make it a happy experience. Unfortunately, many people go into marriage thinking it should automatically succeed; that when a boy and a girl get married they should automatically be happy and live successfully. This is not true.

Like every other thing, we manage our marriage well only if we have learned how to do it. Nobody can be a good builder if he has not learned how to build. Who can do good carpentry, teaching, tailoring or whatever without having been trained? If we want to do anything well, we must take time and learn how to do it. Marriage is no exception. Hence, it is important for us to learn how to make our marriage successful and happy.

There is the know-how of marriage which if learned and applied, will make the said marriage happy and successful; full of fun and joy. This is what God meant marriage to be. God did not intend that marriage should be a cause of tears, suffering and sorrow. There are tools to enable you and your spouse to show more love to each other and to successfully handle the differences that come up between you. If you learn these tools and use them to the best of your ability, you will see a wonderful transformation in your marriage.

This does not mean that your marriage shall be problem-free. There is no marriage that is problem-free. We have to learn how to manage the problems that come up. If we do not manage them well, they will destroy our marriage.

It is a good thing for husband and wife to both learn what it takes to make their marriage happy. If only one person is doing the right thing, it will not help much because unless the other person co-operates much cannot be done. It takes two fingers to remove meat from a pot. Therefore, both of you should acquire the tools together and apply them together.

It may be difficult if your spouse is among those people who think that they know all that it takes to make their marriage happy and have nothing to learn from whosoever. Yet, their marriage is not moving, and they are not having it easy. Such people need help.

That pride does not pay holds true for marriage as it does for other areas of life. We learn every day. The wise person is humble enough to learn from everyone he or she comes across. It is foolish to think that you already know it all and have nothing to learn from anyone else. Be humble; and willing to learn. There is much that you stand to gain when you are humble and open to learning.

To conclude, In fact, there is nothing as enjoyable as a happy marriage. When your marriage is happy, many things go well for you.