Marriage Blues

Marriage Blues

Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway. Joey Adams

1.They lived happily until they got married

2.I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas.She said to me “nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace “So I bought her nothing.

3.Marriage is like a public toilet.Those waiting outside are desperate to get in.Those inside are desperate to get out. Stephanie Robinson

4.A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. Milton Berle

5.Women marry because they believe that he will change one day. Men marry because they believe she’ll never change. Both are mistaken.

6.The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

7.You should argue with your wife only when she’s not around.

8.A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

9.Love is blind, only marriage opens your eyes.

10.There are 2 times when a man doesn’t understand a woman – before marriage and after marriage.

11.A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”

12.The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Henny Youngman

13.Marriage is the main reason for divorce.

Ok my friends,the point I would like to ask is, why most of  these humor are one sided ?

Thank you

Philosophy Through Photography

credits-funnyjokes.com,onelinefun.com

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Country Boy

Lucius McCray is a character I developed in my short stories that I shared here and on my blog on many occasions. Since that time I have taken him on as a pen name and Lucius has written one short anthology called “Country Boy” and his new book is coming out March 9th. I wanted to share part of his dog, Wobbly’s story. Please enjoy this clip from the audiobook.

Pick up your copy of “Country Boy” by Lucius McCray The audiobook is available from audible: https://www.audible.com/pd/B07GC82SPK… It is also available on iTunes and other audiobook vendors. You can buy the ebook, or read it for free on Kindle Unlimited: https://www.amazon.com/Country-Boy-Lu… Paperbacks are available in many bookstores or check out an independent bookstore near you via Indie Bound https://www.indiebound.org/book/97817..

Story Time with Lucius

I have not written any stories up here recently. I just released my newest humorous anthology “Humor Deeper Than a Holler.” It’s available for pre-order on Amazon and other bookstores. I’m also editing the next novel in the Berserker series that will come out in May.

That information aside, I have decided to tell my short stories on videos and let Lucius do the narration. He is starting with his own stories, and this week’s story is about his run in at a local supermarket. Click on the link, relax for about five minutes and so, and have yourself a few laughs.

How to find your way to eternal euphoria.

I really wanted to write an inspirational blog for Success Inspirers’ World, but I just couldn’t think of an idea. When I asked my sister, she replied with a ‘Read their blogs and try to think of ideas, da’.

Not convincing.

And after some time, she asked if I wanted a Ferrero Rocher. That bougie, high-class chocolate that everyone wants to lay their hands on. And naturally, I said ‘Yes, please’.  It was frozen pretty bad so she said to eat it after a couple of minutes. And I have 6 cavities. Yes, 6. Feeling pretty rad, I am like, ‘Bruh, Who cares?’ After I finish it, I think of a brilliant idea! I think, ‘Why can’t I write this experience of mine into an ‘INSPIRATIONAL’ blog, eh?’ So this is how I found the emotions and things you will face to experience eternal euphoria.

Outer Crust- Biting through the outer crust was pretty hard. And with having 6 cavities and it being super frozen, it was that top-top, that north-north, kinda hard. This shows the type of hard work and effort I have to put to experience all the riches of life and nature. It might be super hard, but hang on there bud. It will all be good. If you chicken out or are too afraid to even try, man up bruh.

Inner crust- It is easy to bite, but not too easy. It is sweet in taste, but not too sweet. It hypes me up for the next layer which is eternal euphoria in this sense so that I put in even more effort to get there. No amount of effort is enough effort. I learn from your previous mistakes. I slowly start to get the reward for my hard work.

Chocolatey inner layer- This is the part where I start to feel the reward for my hard work and diligent efforts I put in. I get what I wanted in life. I realize that I am old and should get some rest. And then,

.

.

ETERNAL SUFFERING! All of my teeth start to get cavities, in this sense, my body. I can’t do anything. I start to feel devastated and melancholic at the same time reminisce all the things and die in a state of solitude.

And I wake up from my dream, my face damp with tears and go back to binge watch my favourite anime.

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.

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You just got click-baited, idiot.

Join Me for Short Story by Lucius McCray, and then Ask Me Anything

When I joined success inspirer over a year ago, I was writing short stories almost every day as I worked on my first novel. Part of those stories was developed from a fictional author I created named Lucius McCray. Lucius even published a book of anecdotal stories called, “Country Boy” last year.

At the end of March, Lucius has another book coming out called “Humor Deeper Than A Holler.” Today on my Twitch channel I will be reading one of Lucius’ original short stories he wrote on my website in 2017. Please join me on Twitch for fun, laughter, and an opportunity to ask me anything tonight at 7 pm Eastern Time.

The Berserker Livestream

Ayub’s Recipe (A Very Short Story)

It’s bound to be utterly delicious “, he said, “cooks are from Qatar, no joke.”

I was waiting for my turn sitting in a corner with my head buried in the newspaper when this remark made me look up; he was cutting hairs of an elderly half-bald man while talking to another old guy sitting at the other end of the pew, almost on the edge, with his head tilted to the left like he was really enjoying either the talk or the wait, not that he had that much time on his plate at this age but he wouldn’t have any choice, I thought.

Ayub is talkative and it works out well for his profession as a barber. You could spend hours listening to his narratives and not get bored.

“Only thing is, that I am not invited”, he continues, “and he is”, he adds further pointing to the soda stall next to his shop.
“This is funny because I was the one who introduced them, and now they seem to be going at it without me”, he said with a scoff followed by a grin, and then a self-assuring smile which remained plastered to his face for few more minutes until he started to speak again, “Have you ever had such a relishing dish?”, asked he to the other old man sitting at the corner of the bench.

Man shook his head.

At this point Ayub picks up a different pair of scissors and steps out for a few seconds, looks here and there on the road and then stares at the hardware store across the road from his shop.

They are going too”, he said as he started trimming moustaches of the man in the chair, “You should know the recipe is pretty special and intriguing, let me tell you.”

He goes on without waiting for any response, “First chicken will be washed in detergent powder for an hour..”, I tilted my head, “..then it will be dried out and immersed in boiling kerosene.”

I was trying to find any hint of jest on his face but it looked sincere as he continued telling about the recipe.
“Once fried in kerosene, four bags of chewing-tobacco will be poured into it and then it will be mixed and mashed into keema.”
And he remarked, “Who would not want to be invited to a party where one will be served with such delicious chicken-keema!”

I continued staring at his face in awe and amusement. If he was laughing in the inside, he certainly was doing a great job hiding the expressions from showing up on his face and in his sad but twinkling eyes.

“That is what takes him through the day.. he keeps amusing himself and everyone around him”, I thought to myself.

I was interrupted by a nonchalant voice, “You’re next! Please come”, it was Ayub, smiling at me as I rose and went to sit in the chair.

Laugh out your lungs

If you don’t laugh out your lungs, then you are hard to laugh. I laughed out my lungs. For one thing, it has more meaning to people in my local community who can put it in context.

What he speaks is pidgin English.

Context:

Every year, green grasshoppers come in large numbers at a certain period. People like eating them and during this season, some people catch them at night in large numbers. That means much money.

Unfortunately, this year, because of the sociopolitical conflict in my locality, a curfew has been imposed, forbidding movement after six pm. This man is lamenting about this, considering that it is the time for the grasshoppers and git will be a big loss to him because of this curfew. It’s really humorous.

If you like it, please, share.

Pickling Christmas

Pickling Christmas cover

Written by www.danabicksauthor.com.

Let’s do the Christmas dance to “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”:

There is nothing better than a good crunchy pickle, whether dill or sweet, to wash down a great sandwich. Just ask my daughter – she is the queen of pickle jars. But who, in their right mind, invented making a glass pickle to hang as an ornament on a Christmas tree, much less make it a tradition? I hope Germany comes up with a correct answer for they appear to be the culprit who designed and sold it to F.W. Woolworth in the 1890s.

I grew up on the East Coast and never learned of this southern and mid-western custom until five years ago. The first time I held a pickle ornament, I laughed for nothing seemed stranger. The friend who was hanging it on her tree was from New Mexico, and her Christmases were steeped in pickle power. As her story goes, the pickle is the last ornament to hang on the tree, or rather, hidden in the tree. The first child who finds it receives an extra gift from Saint Nick. But, there are two more stranger tales of the Christmas pickle’s origin.

Pickling Christmas Pic 2

Berrien Springs, Michigan is known as the Christmas Pickle Capital of the World. This town exploits a medieval tale that occurred in Turkey. Two Spanish boys were traveling home from boarding school for the holidays. They stopped to spend the night at an inn. The innkeeper was an evil man and hated children, so he kidnapped the boys and stuffed them into a pickle barrel, locking the lid closed. When St. Nick came to visit, he prayed for the power to help them. As told, God heard his prayers and allowed him to open the lid and free the boys. I guess my question is, why was St. Nick coming to visit the miserable, old innkeeper in the first place? I so relish the thought of somebody pickling that innkeeper in the barrel!

Pickling Christmas Pic 1

A final version of the Christmas pickle began in Virginia (Yikes – a little too close to home). A Union soldier in the Civil War was captured by the Confederate Army and forced into isolation. His food rations were few, so by Christmas Eve, he was begging for anything to eat, even a pickle. The Christmas spirit overwhelmed the guard, and he brought the soldier a pickle. As legend tells, when the soldier was released to finally go home, his family started hiding a pickle in their Christmas tree in remembrance of his suffering and the mercy of his release.

Now, holiday readers, how many of you will confess to hanging pickles on your tree? If you do, please share your custom also! We would love to learn about your traditions too!
There’s never a “dill” moment here at danabicksauthor.com. Be sure to join us on Tuesday to read our next installment of Everything Christmas Blogs!

“At this Christmas when Christ comes, will He find a warm heart? Mark the season of Advent by loving and serving others with God’s own love and concern.” -Mother Teresa


NOW AVAILABLE AT ALL BOOKSELLERS!

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Rainy Days & Runaway Cows

So I posted on my blog, acliddle.blog, yesterday that was unable to walk due to rain and the migraine that came with it.

Today it is still raining and while I do not feel sick, I have lost my voice, and I am fatigued.

Rather than another missed post I thought I would tell a couple of stories about loose cows.

I am not sure how they got out but in both cases their escapes were precipitated by…well precipitation..rain, and storms. I am not sure if the cows became restless or what but there it is.

The first story: I was driving home from work, on the backroads through the country. Ahead of me I saw three cars in the on coming lane with their flashers on. Then I saw in my lane, heading towards me a what looked to be pregnant cow. I was able to get around her, for she was not to be detoured from her path. Further down the road I saw the possible pasture she had escaped from. Then I noticed in the ditch another cow who had decided to take a walk. This cow did not look pregnant.

The second story: Today I was riding with a friend; we were going into town for errands. We came around a curve, right before a small bridge and there meandering around, were six cows on the side of road. Not sure what pasture they came from. They were gone by the time we were headed back.

Ah Life in the Country.