Make marriage work

Marriage is super complex;
Though, it can be thrilling;
You can make it sweet;
If you don’t fold your arms
And wait for it to work,
You deceive yourself;
It’s really difficult;
Like the stone cutters job;
If you keep hammering,
You will shatter the rock;
There are tools to use;
To make success easy;
Communication tops the list;
You have to dialogue;
Talk to each other;
Talk with an open mind;
But don’t only talk,
You also have to listen;
And listen attentively;
With an open heart as well;
Choose words with care;
And be the first to love;
Make your relatiobship a priority;
And speak to your spouse
In their language of love;
To actually guarantee success,
Put God at the center;
Make him your senior partner;
And after you have done all,
Let patience play its part.

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Hello my love!

Hello love of my life!
I have been waiting
To hear from you,
How hotly this fire
In my heart is burning!
Is it as hot in yours
As in mine?
I imagine it’s not easy;
It’s not for me;
It is rather so hot
I fear being roasted alive;
If it is this hot,
How do we handle it?
I very much want to know;
Shall we let it go?
Or do something about it?
To stop this blazing flame?
Hello my love!
Answer me!
Tell me what you think
We can and should do.

She still loves me

I thought all was gone;
That I was now alone;
Just to realize
How wrong I was;
She still loves me;
Why not even more?
I had closed eyes;
And so couldn’t see.
A cluttered mind also;
She maybe distracted;
But who’s perfect?
Truth is,
She still loves me.
That’s the bottom line;
And I love her too.
Actually, to be honest,
She’s all I have.
I am overjoyed;
She still loves me.
My best companion.

Waiting for my love

I am waiting for her;
Waiting for my love;
She left me;
And I am worried;
Wondering if she will
Come back;
Don’t ask me how she left;
And why she left?
Its hard to understand;
I understand;
Because you see her
By me all the times,
It baffles you;
But her heart is gone;
Far away it’s gone;
It’s flying over hills
And valleys,
And I cannot catch it;
I try to bring it back,
But my effort is futile.
I cannot rewind the clock;
I remember our days,
When our love soared
So high in the sky;
I lived in heaven on earth;
My need to love
And be loved was met.
But gone are those days;
Tody, is different.
It’s a different reality.
And so goes life.
That is why you find me
Waiting for her;
Waiting for my love;
Will she come?

Some important ifs of marriage

Some important ifs of marriage

  1. If you take your spouse for granted,
  2. If you get angry with your spouse for minute things,
  3. If you are always finding something wrong in the things your spouse does,
  4. If you blame your spouse for everything that goes wrong;
  5. If you are always criticizing your spouse,
  6. If you find it hard to appreciate the many good things your spouse does to you daily,
  7. If you never say ” I am sorry” when you hurt your spouse,
  8. If you are extravagant,
  9. If you do not care how your spouse feels,
  10. If you do not respect your spouse,
  11. If you talk carelessly to your spouse, especially using hurting words,
  12. If you do not love your spouse,
  13. If you do not show concern about the welfare of your spouse,

You can trust that your marriage will face difficulties.

For your marriage to be happy, look at these points and see what you can do about them.

Never forget that success in marriage does not come on its own. It is the result of hard work; doing the things that must be done, and avoiding the things that should not be done.

Know the things that should be done and do them.

Know the things that should not be done and avoid them.

Are you sure you know your spouse?

I like to talk about marriage. I like to see couples living happily.

How well or how deeply do you know your spouse? You may think you know your spouse when your knowledge is only superficial. Your knowledge of your spouse is like scratching at the surface as fowls do to search the ground for worms. They don’t dig deep.i

To make a comparison with fishing, I can say perhaps you have not dipped your net deep like the fishermen in the Bible to know and understand your spouse. Will it be surprising if at the end of the day, your net is empty?

There are tools that couples use to know themselves better, understand each other better, and relate better, thus succeeding in marriage.

Anyone who follows my writings on marriage closely will recall that once I posted something on a Marriage Encounter Week End.

Many people do not know about Marriage Encounter Week ends; and when they hear about it for the first time, one question which usually comes to their minds: who or what does one encounter at the week end?

That was the same question I asked before I became encountered.

This question was answered during the weekend. I got to understand the encounter concept and found it so beautiful.

Let me answer this question for you. Who or what do you encounter when you go for a Marriage Encounter Week End?

At a Marriage Encounter Week end, the first person you encounter is yourself.

If you have never done a week end, then most probably you have never really encountered yourself.

If you have never encountered yourself, it means you do not really know yourself. In other words, you have never really gotten in touch with your feelings.

And if you are not in touch with your feelings, it means you are living superficially without knowing your own self; without knowing why you feel the way you feel about certain situations, and act the way you act.

We, humans need to know ourselves and accept who we are. This starts with knowing who we are.

We are a whole bunch of things determined by our physical constitution, our sex, education, background, which we also call filters, our environment etc.

During a Marriage Encounter Week End, we are helped to know who we are. This includes knowing our strengths and weaknesses, our doubts, fears, worries etc.

When we know all these, that knowledge helps us in our dealings with others.

Hence, the first person you encounter during an Original Week End is yourself.

The next person you encounter is your spouse.

As husband and wife, you know yourselves better when you encounter each other. You know your spouse’s likes and dislikes, personality style, and what makes your spouse react in a certain way to certain situations.

When you know all this, you understand your spouse better. You understand that your spouse’s reaction may be the result of your spouse’s filters or personality style.

This is very precious knowledge that you will hardly get from marriage doctrine.

You can see that the word encounter should not scare anybody. It is not a violent encounter as a physical confrontation in a fight or in a football match where physical force is required. It is a gradual, loving, pleasurable discovery of who we are, and who our spouse is.

The third person you encounter at a week end is Jesus Christ. You come face to face with Jesus Christ, and understand the role that he has to play in your life firstly as and individual, and secondly as a couple.

You also encounter the sacrament of matrimony. You understand the real meaning of the sacrament of Matrimony.

What does it mean when you get married in Church? It means Christ is in that relationship. It means Christ is available at all times to help you in your relationship. It means Christ is journeying with you as a couple. You are not just husband and wife but husband, wife and Christ. You are three in one. This is so good. If there is a problem, you don’t have to try to handle it with your spouse alone. All three of you have to sit down together and look at it. You have to run to Christ every now and then, in fact, permanently.

During the week end you are taught a technique to get Christ ever present in your relationship so that even the children you give birth to are rooted in Christ.

From this you can draw a conclusion about why some children are wayward. Sometimes, it starts right at conception. The parents do not put Christ at the center at the time they are looking for a baby.

We are supposed to decide with Christ through prayer that we want a baby; that it is time to have a baby. Then we go looking for the baby with him through prayer. We do not go on our own.

If we bring Christ in at the very beginning, the child we get will grow up to know Christ and bear the light of Christ.

If some children go on to become priests, or religious, it is because their parents got Christ fully involved in the decision to bring them into the world, and continued to journey with Christ to bring them up. It is usually not by accident. Of course, some do encounter Christ late but most are people whose parents encountered Christ and helped their children early enough to encounter Christ as well.

Another level of encounter during the week end is for priests and religious who attend the weekend.

A lot of people often wonder what this category of people go to a week end for. Let us not forget that Priests and religious are also married to the greatest spouse, Jesus Christ. During the weekend, they first Encounter their self and then encounter Jesus Christ, their own spouse. If there are two priests at the weekend, they Encounter each other. This means they try to understand each other. Priests and religious live in communities and it is not an easy thing. If you Encounter yourself and know what motivates your behaviour and other priests’ behavior, it will be easier to live together.

The priesthood can also be very lonely. But encountered priests are not lonely because they have encountered couples to journey with. They understand what motivates certain behaviours and share the same values like encountered couples and have the tools to maintain healthy relationships with couples. This does not say that there is perfection. Not at all! There is room for human weakness. The bottom line is encountered priests and religious do very well with encountered couples.

In Marriage Encounter, you Encounter yourself, your spouse and Jesus Christ. Priests encounter themselves, fellow Priests and their spouse Jesus Christ; and the Christians they are called upon to serve.

Religious Encounter themselves, their fellow religious, (male/male; female/female).

The goal of a M.E. Week End is to make you know yourself, know your spouse and know Jesus Christ. This enhances love, understanding, tolerance, and working together for success in marriage and in their lives.

What husbands want from wives

I promised to write a post on what husbands expect from their wives.
I think it is so important to know this post. Such knowledge will guide the men, or better still, it will guide many men and also women.

A lot of wives will be better wives if they know what husbands want from their wives.

This will make better couples, and better families, leading to better societies.

If you live in ignorance, you will die in ignorance. If you are enlightened, you will be enlightened.

I will keep to my promise to write this post to enlighten both husbands and wives on this subject.

But I cannot do this alone. I need your help to do it. I need information from you. Let’s write this post together. Many hands make work lighter.

If you know anything that husbands like their wives to be doing to or for them , kindly let me know.

Send that to me as a comment. If you are a man, you can make a good contribution to this topic. What do you want from your wife?

I hope to get many responses.

Thanks in advance for joining me to write a great post.

Who is like me when it comes to marriage?

Who is like me? Who does like me? Very often, when I am angry, I say things to my spouse that later I feel bad that I said them. Do you sometimes do like me?

When I say those unpalatable things, she will be angry and our relationship will collapse.

I believe this resonates with many couples.

The way my spouse and I were talking to each other in the early days of our marriage was bringing us many problems until we attended a Marriage Encounter Week End. There, we learned to talk to each other with love and understanding and not in anger. You can call this talking responsibly in marriage.

Ever since, our relationship has greatly improved. We now choose our words more carefully when we talk to each other. We make a deliberate effort to avoid words that can hurt the other person.

It is not a perfect situation for us anyway. From time to time, we still use words that hurt, but we keep struggling to stay clear of them.

It is very common for couples to misuse their tongues in their relationship and ruin it. And when I talk of misusing our tongue in our marital relationship, I mean:

  1. Speaking without reflecting;
  2. Speaking without weighting our words;
  3. Speaking from anger;
  4. Speaking without caring about the effect of our words on our spouse;
  5. Saying things to hurt our spouse without caring;
  6. Running down our spouse in public.

In our relationship, we need to avoid this. We need to avoid the following types of tongue:

  1. A hateful tongue. A hateful tongue refers to words that spite out hate.
  2. A deceitful tongue. This means words that deceive. Don’t deceive your spouse. Honesty in marriage is the best policy.
  3. A boastful tongue: boastful. Do you boast to your spouse?
  4. A critical tongue. If you have a critical tongue, it means you like like to criticize what your spouse says. Are you fond of criticising what your spouse says?
  5. A ceaseless tongue: If you have a ceaseless tongue then you are among the people who talk without ceasing; talking like a parrot, not allowing your spouse to say even a word.
  6. A double tongue: This is a tongue that is full of duplicity. You say one thing but mean another. Example saying “You are the only one I have” whereas you have girlfriends or boyfriends all over and say the same thing to them.
  7. An explosive tongue. Such a tongue is good at setting fire on the house.
  8. Overbearing tongue. With this tongue, you are domineering, dominating. You talk like the boss.
  9. Authoritative tongue: You talk with authority. You are commanding. You want to be obeyed.
  10. Belittling tongue: You are condescending. You talk down on your spouse as f your spouse did not have any worth. To make your spouse see himself or herself as nobody.

I have heard people say all types of things to their spouse. For instance.

“Who are you?”
“Nonentity!”
“Good for nothing”
“You are a fool”
“You are inconsequential ”

Isn’t it better to say positive things instead? What of this?:

“You are the best.”
“You are all and all to me.”
“I am nothing without you.”
“You are my oxygen”
“My air”
“My sunshine.”

What comes out of our mouths when we talk to our spouse is very important. It can build or destroy your marriage. When you are conversing with your spouse, be mindful of the words that you use. If you are so angry with your spouse that you want to pour out venom on him or her and something is telling you that if you don’t say it, you will burst, know that temptation is knocking on your door, trying to win your soul to hell. Please. don’t say it. If you say it you may regret when it is too late.
Yasar Qadhi has said, “The tongue is a small, soft flesh. Yet, it is capable of breaking the strongest bonds and destroying the most powerful relationships.” It could not have been better said. This goes in line with the words of another writer who says, ” The tongue has no bone but it is strong enough to break a heart.”
It is impossible to count the number of hearts that the tongue has broken in the world. But they must be in their billions. Do not let your tongue be your spouse’s heart breaker.

I agree with the Book of Proverbs when it says: “The tongue is sharper than a sword.”

If you want to become single today, you don’t need a sword to pierce through the heart of your spouse. Your tongue will do it easily for you. But is that how your marriage should end? Mind your tongue. It can make or mar your marriage.

My cyber family

To you, my cyber friend,
I send blessings;
To you,
My cyber brother,
Let God grant you
Riches this 2020.
To you
My cyber sister,
Let 2020 offer you
the love of your life;
Someone
Who will bring you
Happiness
You never imagined.
To you
My cyber son,
May all the doors
You knock this 2020
Be opened to you!
To you
My cyber daughter,
May the sky be
Your springboard
This 2020.
To you
My cyber parents,
May you age gracefully,
Enjoying the love
And care
Of your progeny!
To you
My entire cyber family,
Love, sunshine
And happiness to all.