Who is like me when it comes to marriage?

Who is like me? Who does like me? Very often, when I am angry, I say things to my spouse that later I feel bad that I said them. Do you sometimes do like me?

When I say those unpalatable things, she will be angry and our relationship will collapse.

I believe this resonates with many couples.

The way my spouse and I were talking to each other in the early days of our marriage was bringing us many problems until we attended a Marriage Encounter Week End. There, we learned to talk to each other with love and understanding and not in anger. You can call this talking responsibly in marriage.

Ever since, our relationship has greatly improved. We now choose our words more carefully when we talk to each other. We make a deliberate effort to avoid words that can hurt the other person.

It is not a perfect situation for us anyway. From time to time, we still use words that hurt, but we keep struggling to stay clear of them.

It is very common for couples to misuse their tongues in their relationship and ruin it. And when I talk of misusing our tongue in our marital relationship, I mean:

  1. Speaking without reflecting;
  2. Speaking without weighting our words;
  3. Speaking from anger;
  4. Speaking without caring about the effect of our words on our spouse;
  5. Saying things to hurt our spouse without caring;
  6. Running down our spouse in public.

In our relationship, we need to avoid this. We need to avoid the following types of tongue:

  1. A hateful tongue. A hateful tongue refers to words that spite out hate.
  2. A deceitful tongue. This means words that deceive. Don’t deceive your spouse. Honesty in marriage is the best policy.
  3. A boastful tongue: boastful. Do you boast to your spouse?
  4. A critical tongue. If you have a critical tongue, it means you like like to criticize what your spouse says. Are you fond of criticising what your spouse says?
  5. A ceaseless tongue: If you have a ceaseless tongue then you are among the people who talk without ceasing; talking like a parrot, not allowing your spouse to say even a word.
  6. A double tongue: This is a tongue that is full of duplicity. You say one thing but mean another. Example saying “You are the only one I have” whereas you have girlfriends or boyfriends all over and say the same thing to them.
  7. An explosive tongue. Such a tongue is good at setting fire on the house.
  8. Overbearing tongue. With this tongue, you are domineering, dominating. You talk like the boss.
  9. Authoritative tongue: You talk with authority. You are commanding. You want to be obeyed.
  10. Belittling tongue: You are condescending. You talk down on your spouse as f your spouse did not have any worth. To make your spouse see himself or herself as nobody.

I have heard people say all types of things to their spouse. For instance.

“Who are you?”
“Nonentity!”
“Good for nothing”
“You are a fool”
“You are inconsequential ”

Isn’t it better to say positive things instead? What of this?:

“You are the best.”
“You are all and all to me.”
“I am nothing without you.”
“You are my oxygen”
“My air”
“My sunshine.”

What comes out of our mouths when we talk to our spouse is very important. It can build or destroy your marriage. When you are conversing with your spouse, be mindful of the words that you use. If you are so angry with your spouse that you want to pour out venom on him or her and something is telling you that if you don’t say it, you will burst, know that temptation is knocking on your door, trying to win your soul to hell. Please. don’t say it. If you say it you may regret when it is too late.
Yasar Qadhi has said, “The tongue is a small, soft flesh. Yet, it is capable of breaking the strongest bonds and destroying the most powerful relationships.” It could not have been better said. This goes in line with the words of another writer who says, ” The tongue has no bone but it is strong enough to break a heart.”
It is impossible to count the number of hearts that the tongue has broken in the world. But they must be in their billions. Do not let your tongue be your spouse’s heart breaker.

I agree with the Book of Proverbs when it says: “The tongue is sharper than a sword.”

If you want to become single today, you don’t need a sword to pierce through the heart of your spouse. Your tongue will do it easily for you. But is that how your marriage should end? Mind your tongue. It can make or mar your marriage.

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God assures us of victory

There are many among us who are pessimistic about the future. They do not see any light at the end of the tunnel. Such people are losers.

The winners believe in victory which is coming. To them victory is inevitable. They have reason. God, our creator assures us that he will give us victory. Read Deuteronomy 20:1-4k

“When you go out to fight against your enemies and you see chariots and horses and an army that outnumbers yours, do not be afraid of them….Do not be afraid of your enemies, or loose courage, or panic. The LORD your God is going with you, and he will give you victory.”

“…the Lord says you must not be discouraged or be afraid to face this large army. The battle depends on God not you” 2 Chronicles 20:15.

Many times in the New Testament, we are assured God will give us victory. He will make us triumph.

Today, I am discarding two words from my vocabulary.

I take courage from Jesus’ assurance in Luke 18:27 and the other synoptic gospels. He assures: “What is humanly impossible is possible for God.”

Yes, with God, everything is possible.

Thus, I will discard two words, and at the same time, I will print in my mind two words that have the power to give victory in accordance with the assurance from the creator of all things.

The first word to discard is impossible. The second is can’t. Never say something is impossible for you to do or achieve.

Every dream that God has put in your mind is possible.

Never say “I can’t”. Of course, you can.

You can do whatever you want to do. You can live the life you want to live. You can win that battle. You can win that war. You can win that struggle.

God has given you what it takes to do what you want to do or achieve. It is left to you to exploit that potential buried in you to do whatever you want to do.

Today, therefore, inscribe in your vocabulary in indelible ink the words “possible’ and “I can”.

Your dream is possible. The life you want to live is possible. The things you want to achieve are possible. You can achieve them. With the help of God, you will achieve your fondest dream.

What holds true for you as an individual, holds true for any group of people, any community, and any country.

We can achieve our common dream as a people. It may look impossible, but nothing is impossible to people who are determined; or to a country of determined, decisive and focused people.

Do not look at the challenges ahead of you and let them intimidate or discourage you. Always remember that you no longer have “impossible” and “I can’t” in your vocabulary but “possible” and “I can”.

Yes, it is possible. Yes, we can. Yes, we will. If you are scared, fight on. If you see no sign at the end of the tunnel, struggle on; if you are loosing, struggle on. God will reverse your fortunes. You will emerge triumphant.

A word to discard

There is a word I have discarded from my vocabulary. I advise all my friends to do same. Remove it; and completely seal your door to it.

It is the word impossible. To me, there is no word like this. Nothing is impossible. If you can conceive it, it can be done.

And if someone can do it, you can do it.

Do you know why we are not able to do many things? Because we believe they are impossible to do.

The moment you remove the word impossible from your vocabulary, make the word possible your daily companion.

Nothing will be impossible to you. Everything will be possible. You will begin to see miracles in your life.

It is possible;
It is possible;
It is possible;

It is possible
For you to be rich.
It is posdible
For you to grow.
It is possible
For you to be powerful.
It is possible
For you to be a star.
It is possible
For you to be a champion.
It is possible
For you
To own a quality car;
It is possible
For you
To build your own mansion.
Dream big;
Your dream is possible.
Remember, there is no word like impossible.

Words of encouragement

I love your words of encouragement;
I love when you whisper
Them into my ears;
I love them even better
When you say them aloud
To the hearing of others;
They motivate me;
They make me feel fine;
They spur me on
To do much better
Than before;
Keep those words coming;
Those encouraging words;
Let me hear
That voice of yours
That sounds like
A sweet melody
From a Nightingale;
They inspire me.

What hurts the most ?

What hurts the most ?

I am not talking about your disappointments because of your assumptions,presumptions or expectations going wrong and you getting upset.

I am also not talking about failures,injustice,betrayal or loneliness

The list can be never ending as per you !

But I have just one answer and that is ‘Words’

Why ?

Because, Words’ are powerful !

Words hurt more than action.

‘Words’ can cause lot of emotional pain.

“Stick & Stones may break my bones,but words will break my soul”   unknown

Intensity of the emotional pain becomes much more if these ‘words’ come from someone,who means everything to us.

Seriously do ‘words’ hurt ?

Words per se don’t hurt.It is the subjective meaning of each of us give importance to them,that alone hurts.

Strangely we can never forget the ‘Hurtful words’,though one is in mood to forgive.Check this link.
One can forgive,but can one erase the bitterness ?

” Dogs bite sometimes,people bite all the time,with their hurtful words ” Mehmuet Murat Ildan

Finally

Do you know the funny part of the ways of human beings ?

“some people hurt you and then act like you hurt them”    unknown

Thank you
Philosophy Through Photography

Find the equation

Who can find the equation?
Words minus action;
Words plus action.
If you take a decision,
To do something good
For yourself,
For others around you
Or for humanity in general,
That will be a good
And laudable thing indeed,
But you must ensure
You follow it up.
You cannot decide, sit
And do nothing,
And expect things
To work out by themselves;
As we say,
Words speak;
But action speaks louder;
Your decision will go nowhere
If you don’t make it work;
But will go places
If you put action into words.
Always put action
Into words;
The equation is clear:
Words minus action
Equals to theory;
Words plus action
Equals to results;
That is the equation.

Time was wasted

I wish to apologise
To you
For the way
I talked to you today;
I did not take time
To choose my words
Before uttering them;
I used words
I should not have used;
Words meant
To satisfy myself
Without caring
About their affect
On you to whom
I was talking;
I spoke recklessly;
Which was not supposed
To be the case;
The result was,
I hurt you;
And failed to achieve
What I set out
To achieve.
The time was wasted.
Language was abused.

Tell me what is more powerful

Words are so powerful,
It’s hard to believe;
Words are so powerful
I never knew;
Words, I bet you,
Are the most powerful
Of forces;
You may say prayer is
most powerful;
Yes, it is;
But prayer is said in
words,
Spoken or unspoken;
Words are never to be
toyed with;
With words alone,
God made the world,
And all that is found
in it;
With words,
Sin, suffering
and death sneaked
Into the world,
Through the backdoor;
And through
The Word made flesh,
We are saved
From eternal damnation.
What is more powerful
Than words?