Who is like me? Who does like me? Very often, when I am angry, I say things to my spouse that later I feel bad that I said them. Do you sometimes do like me?
When I say those unpalatable things, she will be angry and our relationship will collapse.
I believe this resonates with many couples.
The way my spouse and I were talking to each other in the early days of our marriage was bringing us many problems until we attended a Marriage Encounter Week End. There, we learned to talk to each other with love and understanding and not in anger. You can call this talking responsibly in marriage.
Ever since, our relationship has greatly improved. We now choose our words more carefully when we talk to each other. We make a deliberate effort to avoid words that can hurt the other person.
It is not a perfect situation for us anyway. From time to time, we still use words that hurt, but we keep struggling to stay clear of them.
It is very common for couples to misuse their tongues in their relationship and ruin it. And when I talk of misusing our tongue in our marital relationship, I mean:
- Speaking without reflecting;
- Speaking without weighting our words;
- Speaking from anger;
- Speaking without caring about the effect of our words on our spouse;
- Saying things to hurt our spouse without caring;
- Running down our spouse in public.
In our relationship, we need to avoid this. We need to avoid the following types of tongue:
- A hateful tongue. A hateful tongue refers to words that spite out hate.
- A deceitful tongue. This means words that deceive. Don’t deceive your spouse. Honesty in marriage is the best policy.
- A boastful tongue: boastful. Do you boast to your spouse?
- A critical tongue. If you have a critical tongue, it means you like like to criticize what your spouse says. Are you fond of criticising what your spouse says?
- A ceaseless tongue: If you have a ceaseless tongue then you are among the people who talk without ceasing; talking like a parrot, not allowing your spouse to say even a word.
- A double tongue: This is a tongue that is full of duplicity. You say one thing but mean another. Example saying “You are the only one I have” whereas you have girlfriends or boyfriends all over and say the same thing to them.
- An explosive tongue. Such a tongue is good at setting fire on the house.
- Overbearing tongue. With this tongue, you are domineering, dominating. You talk like the boss.
- Authoritative tongue: You talk with authority. You are commanding. You want to be obeyed.
- Belittling tongue: You are condescending. You talk down on your spouse as f your spouse did not have any worth. To make your spouse see himself or herself as nobody.
I have heard people say all types of things to their spouse. For instance.
“Who are you?”
“Good for nothing”
“You are a fool”
“You are inconsequential ”
Isn’t it better to say positive things instead? What of this?:
“You are the best.”
“You are all and all to me.”
“I am nothing without you.”
“You are my oxygen”
What comes out of our mouths when we talk to our spouse is very important. It can build or destroy your marriage. When you are conversing with your spouse, be mindful of the words that you use. If you are so angry with your spouse that you want to pour out venom on him or her and something is telling you that if you don’t say it, you will burst, know that temptation is knocking on your door, trying to win your soul to hell. Please. don’t say it. If you say it you may regret when it is too late.
Yasar Qadhi has said, “The tongue is a small, soft flesh. Yet, it is capable of breaking the strongest bonds and destroying the most powerful relationships.” It could not have been better said. This goes in line with the words of another writer who says, ” The tongue has no bone but it is strong enough to break a heart.”
It is impossible to count the number of hearts that the tongue has broken in the world. But they must be in their billions. Do not let your tongue be your spouse’s heart breaker.
I agree with the Book of Proverbs when it says: “The tongue is sharper than a sword.”
If you want to become single today, you don’t need a sword to pierce through the heart of your spouse. Your tongue will do it easily for you. But is that how your marriage should end? Mind your tongue. It can make or mar your marriage.